Neighbour being a pain - dad very depressed

sleepless_saver

If there is a local mediation scheme for neighbour disputes, that would be worth a shot. Mediation can work surprisingly well in situations where direct contact with the "problem" person is just not going to work.

BallandChain

OP, did you post about this neighbour before? I recall a thread about an elderly gent having to put up with his female neighbour who liked to parade in the garden with nothing on. I wouldn't go for revenge as that can backfire and just escalate. I would try and appeal to the woman's better nature (if she has one!) but I'm thinking if your dad has a lot of birds in the garden it might just be they are being a nuisance if she has washing out. My elderly neighbour saw a couple of seagulls close to our flats and decided to throw them some bread. They make a hell of a racket (I know garden birds are different) and I didn't have the heart to say don't feed them! Hope you can sort it out diplomatically for your dad's sake.

Kay_Peel

Your father needs a plan to deal with his irrational and obnoxious neighbour while at the same time continuing his hobby of enjoying the birds - and I think I've got one!

First up, he should stop feeding the birds. There's no need for it. They need protein in the form of bugs and insects, not seed or fat. Without protein they won't be able to feed their young and they won't be robust enough to survive to next year.

My own garden is full of wildlife because of the things that I have planted - I never feed birds unless it's a tough winter. Instead, I attract greenfinches with teasels and sunflowers, the hedgehogs feed on the slugs and snails and the squirrels hoover up the berries from a hawthorn. There are bees and hoverflies and all sorts and there is no more relaxing way of unwinding then in watching what's moving about. And the birds catch the insects and take them off to their nests.

Really and truly, your father would be wiser to spend his money on seeds and plants rather than fatballs and bird seed. Birds don't need these snacks unless they can't forage for themselves in deep winter. It doesn't do them any good, it makes them lazy and you only attract a small number of species.

If he were to remove all his feeding stations and stop putting out (unnecessary) food for the birds, he could show his neighbour that he was doing all he can to help with her bird-phobia. She'd have no reason to behave badly towards him anymore.

But on the quiet, he'd be growing real bird and wildlife attractants!! His garden, and the birds, and the neighbourhood will be all the better for it.

I hope that he's well enough for a bit of subterfuge, seed sowing and planting. Planning a wildlife garden might be good for his mental health too;)

All the best

catkins

mishkanorman wrote: »

OP, rather than jumping to conclusions about why she has done it, why dont you just knock on her door and speak to her ?
mishka

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catkins

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Mupette

I'm thinking she is the type (gutter trash) to know or just blame your dad if she gets any official interviews.

Sound like nothing you say or do is going to help by going to her and seeing if she has a soft side.

I would of thought bee keeping but i fear she will say her kids are terrified and have been stung by your dad's bees.

But she claims your dad is still friendly with her ex? (and since her campagne has started) if this is true, is he worth getting hold of and talking to? could he approach her, probably not by the sounds of her, but he may be the one to explain how horrible she is.

Or is her new bloke approachable

I would of thought of calling ss but, you just know she will know who called, as she probably is expecting your parents to retaliate, these type usually do.

I'd also say keep away from the children, she seems the type to make up nasty stories about the man next door iyswim, and i wouldnt wish that on him.

I'm playing mind games with my neighbour at the mo she started it (honest)

out the front of my bungalow imagine 3 stuck together, i am the middle one, we all have a drive, but on my bit of the garden 3/4 of an extra drive is on my bit, we have no fence out the front either .. but you can tell who's bit of land is who's (although it is local area housing)

late last year, OH parked his can in the extra space (he usually does when he comes to visit) but we took my car out and didn't move his (we just didn't think) when we got back a scribbled note shoved through the door telling me not to park in that space.

didn't think much of it until christmas and a knock on the door from lo cal area housing asking me do i know who this parking space belongs to? i told him the builders didn't seem to know (new build) but i took it as a communal space, first come ....

He tells me next door has been complaining that i have been allowing my OH to park there, and it is her space (remember 3/4 on my garden, 1/4 on her's) He also says that my partner has been staying at my house all the time, i asked him to look at the 'parking space' it was empty, i said no one is parked there, (actually had some freinds over and they had parked in the side carpark - and told him) he admitted he was bemused at why she would make such a statement, i told him OH stays down one or two nights a week and as my unpaid carer that was allowed, he agreed. He also found that indeed the space was a communal car park and anyone who lives in the new builds could park there, she was not happy, i told him that if she ever wants to park there and OH has his car there all she needs to do is come to me and say something... she won't she knows she screwed up

so now she has taken to copying me with what i do in the garden.

The only concern i do have now is that they have just bought one of those trampelens that needs netting around it, well that is right by my side of the fence in the back garden, i am worried if the kids fall and hurt themselves...

mind you this old dear is got to be in her 80's zooms around on her walking sticks, the only thing i don't like of her is she doesn't put her dog on the lead when taking her out.. (tame dog) but is has left deposits on my garden before.. (funny actually when the coucil man was here the ground was covered in heavy snow and i told him about her dog.... foot prints from her house to my garden from her dog, so she couldnt deny it, wouldnt of been my dog as he is not allowed out of the house unless he is already on a lead)

But anyway, her little campaigne of telling neighbours all about me gossiping etc.. is getting me down a little but i do tend to ignore her, as i havent done anything wrong, as far as i am concerned there is a spare parking space on my bit of land and its a communal space, although the only person who parks there is OH, she doesnt get many visitors, when the grandchildren were here a few days ago i was looking for a car, there wasn't one, because i would of said to the kids parents that the parking space was there for them to use (that really would of wound her up as she is telling fibs to all who will listen)

catkins

Mupette wrote: »

I'm playing mind games with my neighbour at the mo she started it (honest)

out the front of my bungalow imagine 3 stuck together, i am the middle one, we all have a drive, but on my bit of the garden 3/4 of an extra drive is on my bit, we have no fence out the front either .. but you can tell who's bit of land is who's (although it is local area housing)

late last year, OH parked his can in the extra space (he usually does when he comes to visit) but we took my car out and didn't move his (we just didn't think) when we got back a scribbled note shoved through the door telling me not to park in that space.

didn't think much of it until christmas and a knock on the door from lo cal area housing asking me do i know who this parking space belongs to? i told him the builders didn't seem to know (new build) but i took it as a communal space, first come ....

He tells me next door has been complaining that i have been allowing my OH to park there, and it is her space (remember 3/4 on my garden, 1/4 on her's) He also says that my partner has been staying at my house all the time, i asked him to look at the 'parking space' it was empty, i said no one is parked there, (actually had some freinds over and they had parked in the side carpark - and told him) he admitted he was bemused at why she would make such a statement, i told him OH stays down one or two nights a week and as my unpaid carer that was allowed, he agreed. He also found that indeed the space was a communal car park and anyone who lives in the new builds could park there, she was not happy, i told him that if she ever wants to park there and OH has his car there all she needs to do is come to me and say something... she won't she knows she screwed up

so now she has taken to copying me with what i do in the garden.

The only concern i do have now is that they have just bought one of those trampelens that needs netting around it, well that is right by my side of the fence in the back garden, i am worried if the kids fall and hurt themselves...

mind you this old dear is got to be in her 80's zooms around on her walking sticks, the only thing i don't like of her is she doesn't put her dog on the lead when taking her out.. (tame dog) but is has left deposits on my garden before.. (funny actually when the coucil man was here the ground was covered in heavy snow and i told him about her dog.... foot prints from her house to my garden from her dog, so she couldnt deny it, wouldnt of been my dog as he is not allowed out of the house unless he is already on a lead)

But anyway, her little campaigne of telling neighbours all about me gossiping etc.. is getting me down a little but i do tend to ignore her, as i havent done anything wrong, as far as i am concerned there is a spare parking space on my bit of land and its a communal space, although the only person who parks there is OH, she doesnt get many visitors, when the grandchildren were here a few days ago i was looking for a car, there wasn't one, because i would of said to the kids parents that the parking space was there for them to use (that really would of wound her up as she is telling fibs to all who will listen)

Neighbours can be a real pain can't they?

Sambucus_Nigra

I would just keep going round and saying that her birds look a little thin, so you have left more food for them in your garden.

catkins

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I would just keep going round and saying that her birds look a little thin, so you have left more food for them in your garden.

Good one!:T

KittyBoo_2

To be honest, I think a direct approach is going to be the way forward.
Your Dad is 80 and this is clearly affecting him, so he can do without all the worry.
I expect your Mum is really sad to see him like this and it will be upsetting her too.
The reasoning behind the woman's attitude is linked to the break up of her relationship and the fact that your parents were still friendly with her ex.
If they could, it might be worth them going round and asking if they could have a chat to clear things up.
She might see how unreasonable she has been especially when she knows how kind you were to her children.
If they don't feel able to talk with her, then you might need to go and have a chat with her and explain how it is affecting your Dad.
If things persist, I would contact the Council, if it is a Council property and talk to the Neighbourhood Manager.
Most County Councils also have a vulnerable persons officer who could give you some advice.
I'm sure that it can be resolved so your Mum and Dad can enjoy their garden again with a bit of a compromise on both sides.
Failing that, all the MSE'swill go round to your Dad's and re-create something to resemble the Eden Project!!!
Good luck.