Eeek! Mother-in-law's here to stay

Angela_D_3

WelshNic wrote: »

Completely agree with hcb42, just concentrate on getting her well again and see what respite care your local social services offer

SS will rub their hands with glee that the OP is now the carer so they will not have to get involved or more to the point pay for anything.
Fine if it's what you want to do and is done with a view to repaying the kindness you've received in the past but SS will not offer respite generally until you've actually had a break down and dumped the patient in A & E with please look after this bear hanging from her neck.

milliebear00001

It sounds like she wants to go back to her own home as soon as possible anyway. I would be investigating all the possible options regarding help within her own home (maybe speak with CAB) and perhaps suss out options for care homes for the future if she's amenable to the idea.

I admit it would be a nightmare to have to care for a parent or parent in law, but I would do all I could to avoid forcing somebody into a communal home if it was going to make them really unhappy.

My gran is just about hanging on to staying in her sheltered flat (she's 90) but will go to live with my aunt should she become too incapable/doddery to stay. I would hope I would be able to do the same for my own mum/MIL if they needed me/my OH.

PasturesNew

KiKi wrote: »

What a lovely thing to do to an ill 87 year old who helped out the OP when his kids needing babysitting...

Don't get me wrong, I know parents (and in-laws) can be very difficult. But it's so easy to jump onto the 'nightmare' wagon and forget that she's an 87 year old woman who raised the OP's wife, helped him out, has feelings and emotions, is probably a bit lonely and now just needs a couple of weeks' support.

There's no indication she wants to stay there - quite the opposite. So developing 'habits' to make her feel unwelcome is a pretty nasty thing to do IMO.

KiKi

The OP asked for advice/solutions. Moralising's something different; sometimes we take the moral high ground, sometimes we pitch in and actually help to answer the question penned.

stokesley

milliebear00001 wrote: »

I admit it would be a nightmare to have to care for a parent or parent in law, but I would do all I could to avoid forcing somebody into a communal home if it was going to make them really unhappy.

I'm an ancient parent and nothing would make me more unhappy than the thought of my offspring having to put their young lives on hold to look after me...

silvercar

Angela_D wrote: »

SS will rub their hands with glee that the OP is now the carer so they will not have to get involved or more to the point pay for anything.
Fine if it's what you want to do and is done with a view to repaying the kindness you've received in the past but SS will not offer respite generally until you've actually had a break down and dumped the patient in A & E with please look after this bear hanging from her neck.

My BIL is a hospital doctor, he once did the Xmas and boxing day afternoon shifts at A&E. About 20 old dears were dumped there after their lunch, in that neat gap between finishing the meal and sitting down for the queen's speech. After the queen's speech the second load arrived with one "dumper" commenting that BIL clearly was new as he should have made sure the first lot had been shipped out to make way for the next lot and warning that there would be a 3rd sitting around 6pm!

Standard routine, take 'em in, feed 'em up and ship 'em out.

silvercar

Given that today's young are reportedly returning to the nest of mum&dad and not moving out until much older, maybe they will be more accommodating in looking after their parents when the favour needs to be returned?

stokesley

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think my children owe me any favours. Anyway, some are born to nursing and some have nursing thrust upon them; I prefer to take my chances with the former...

Angela_D_3

silvercar wrote: »

Given that today's young are reportedly returning to the nest of mum&dad and not moving out until much older, maybe they will be more accommodating in looking after their parents when the favour needs to be returned?

Plenty of us weren't allowed back to the nest or the nest has been sold to fund cruises.

margaretclare

You say she's 'been rather poorly recently'. In what way? Is this something she can recover from, or not?

stokesley

That's what I was about to ask - is it 'flu or similar, something as yet undiagnosed, or a long-term illness? And, if undiagnosed, has she seen GP/consultant?