Eeek! Mother-in-law's here to stay

hcb42

i dont think a deadline should be put on it, not at her age!

two years ago I suggested my father come and live with us (100 miles away) as it was clear he wasn't coping due to illness. I didn't know how we would cope either, and I hadn't consulted with hubby first, as I knew we needed to do something, but ten days later he had died.

Give the woman as much time as she needs!

paddyz

How about getting social services involved, meals on wheels, a emergency alarm, a cleaner, all those things should give her some extra support, also ask other family members to help out if there is others willing or able, could get those things in motion for her return home.

good luck

WelshNic

Completely agree with hcb42, just concentrate on getting her well again and see what respite care your local social services offer

whitewing

My suggestion would be that it is mentioned always (if possible) that your wife and/or you will go back to hers with her for the first week or weekend she is back home. That way she isn't going back to an empty, lonely house but she's back in her home, you are there and can ensure that cleaner, friends etc come and go so that when she is left she feels safe and secure and happy, and you all are enjoying your little 'holiday' too. Even if she lives nearby you can do a version of this.

PasturesNew

You rapidly need to learn how to be more annoying to her than she is to you, so she'll be rushing to leave before the 2 weeks is up.

Develop some really annoying habits. Now.

Norma_Desmond

Both my parents stayed for several months with DH and me whilst they were house hunting here a few years ago - they're elderly and very set in their ways and I adore them BUT it was an awful time.

They did nothing but criticise and moan and DH and I ended up tiptoeing around our own house - on one occasion DH and I were talking in the kitchen after midnight (DH was on a late shift) and Dad came down to ask if we could be quiet!

It was the final straw, and I asked them to move out into a rented place - and of course we offered all the support we could.

It was a bit 'cool' for a matter of days, but now we're all great friends.

silvercar

A friend waved her MIL off the front step last week, her two week stay has lasted 18 months.

I would get MIL involved on deciding a suitable care plan for when she gets home. Start interviewing suitable people with her, so that she is looking forward to returning home.

Plan for her friends to visit at her home on specific dates in 2-3 weeks time.

KiKi

You rapidly need to learn how to be more annoying to her than she is to you, so she'll be rushing to leave before the 2 weeks is up.

Develop some really annoying habits. Now.

What a lovely thing to do to an ill 87 year old who helped out the OP when his kids needing babysitting...

Don't get me wrong, I know parents (and in-laws) can be very difficult. But it's so easy to jump onto the 'nightmare' wagon and forget that she's an 87 year old woman who raised the OP's wife, helped him out, has feelings and emotions, is probably a bit lonely and now just needs a couple of weeks' support.

There's no indication she wants to stay there - quite the opposite. So developing 'habits' to make her feel unwelcome is a pretty nasty thing to do IMO.

KiKi

Angela_D_3

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

You and your OH didn't offer any emotional support to someone going through a divorce? I wouldn't treat a stranger in the street like that. No wonder you didn't speak for three years. I don't think I'd have spoken to you and your OH ever again. And cut you out of the will for good measure.

Families? Eh

Oh how I wish she would

Cut out the Will ..... lol ...... we'll have to pay for the old witch to be burnt, the stake isn't in fashion any more so I guess it'll be the traditional cremation never mind inherit.

BTW she was getting divorced because she'd nearly killed his daughters child with her stupidity and he couldn't forgive her, don't blame him tbh.

m_13

I can't help but remember Jim Royle and his MIL Norma with her bed in the lounge. She enjoyed packets of Revels naming the flavours as they came out whilst he sat there fuming. They also battled over the TV remote.

My sister and husband had my parents living with them whilst they did househunting. I think my sister got used to my dad bringing her a cup of tea in bed and being able to go to work not worrying about the mess left behind. My mum still does her ironing when she looks after the grandchildren two days a week. I couldn't have done it.