My 11 year old keeps stealing from the family and I've tried everything??

Nicki

Oh, they are c**p sometimes! That just sounds like such classic high functioning Aspie behaviour. I am really cross for you and her that you haven't been able to get further with it. Though I guess having a label doesn't really help. What you really need is to work out which strategies will help her, and if they can't even be bothered to put time into a diagnosis what are the chances of them putting the effort into a much longer piece of work.

Sorry OP, we are taking your thread off on a tangent though. Nice talking to you pigpen but maybe we should go back to OP now!

pupsicola

Ive read all the replies and am quite baffled. Id be at a complete loss if my kids were behaving like this too OP. Some things dont add up, for instance all the teachers thinking he is a cutie and yet he is in and out of detention. A child who is so disruptive that they are constantly in detention is rarely thought of as a cutie. My friend is a teacher and at her school a child displaying the behaviour your son is would be referred to attend their "Oasis" classes. This is for children who have all manner of behavioural/emotional issues and specially trained counsellors work one-to-one with them.

I was surprised when you said that your son wasn't at all phased by the community police officer coming in and having a word. That would have an effect on most kids so young. At your sons age I would have been very worried by a police officer speaking in my ear.

How long have the 2 hour tantrums been going on for? That is an extremely long time for any child to be so distressed and kicking off. My five year old can tantrum, but is exhausted and gives up after 10 mins or so. If it was going on for 2 hours I would be getting him checked out initially with my gp and asking for suitable referrals.

adouglasmhor

Imp wrote: »

What is it with fruit? Why is everyone recommending it. Didn't anyone see the experiment where a group of people tried to live off fruit alone? There weren't enough hours in the day for them to eat enough to sustain themselves and they lost weight to the point of starvation. We have evolved past fruit and veg (needed as part of a balanced diet) to the point where it does not satisfy us.

If someone is hungry, give him something that will actually fill him - carbs, meat, bread, rice, potatoes, pasta. Not just fruit.

Sorry I never saw that experiment but it sounds interesting do you have a link or a review or anything of it?

pigpen

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you tried getting this behaviour on video so that you can show it to CAMHS? They must have come across children who know how to manipulate the system before. It would be interesting to have an appointment with them where they make her watch a video of herself acting like this and then discuss it.

No, she goes into 'drama' mode and becomes a completely different person at the mere mention of a camera of any sort.. it did work wih DD1 though She just clams up and says nothing if you question her about it.. and literally says nothing.. which is irritating beyond belief.

Nicki wrote: »

Oh, they are c**p sometimes! That just sounds like such classic high functioning Aspie behaviour. I am really cross for you and her that you haven't been able to get further with it. Though I guess having a label doesn't really help. What you really need is to work out which strategies will help her, and if they can't even be bothered to put time into a diagnosis what are the chances of them putting the effort into a much longer piece of work.

Sorry OP, we are taking your thread off on a tangent though. Nice talking to you pigpen but maybe we should go back to OP now!

I found labels do help, you can hen access other services armed with information and get them further help. Noone wants to help her because she doesn't have a label.

And hopefully, though we have gone off on a tangent (sorry OP) The OP may be able to get something from what we have discussed to help her son. Getting anyone to recognise this as an issue without visible signs such as self harm, obesity for example is impossible.

euronorris

I'm sorry, hijacking here, Pigpen - Can you recommend a good website about Aspergers? Particularly in adults?

A lot of of the behaviour you describe is sounding pretty familiar to me, so I'm wondering if a family member (and maybe even OH) has it. But, I don't really know all of the symptoms.

pigpen

euronorris wrote: »

I'm sorry, hijacking here, Pigpen - Can you recommend a good website about Aspergers? Particularly in adults?

A lot of of the behaviour you describe is sounding pretty familiar to me, so I'm wondering if a family member (and maybe even OH) has it. But, I don't really know all of the symptoms.

Other than the usual autism society no sorry.. Mine is 12 so it seems to be about damage limitation here, I deal with a local group mainly.. Maybe Nicki can help?

peachyprice

Imp wrote: »

What is it with fruit? Why is everyone recommending it. Didn't anyone see the experiment where a group of people tried to live off fruit alone? There weren't enough hours in the day for them to eat enough to sustain themselves and they lost weight to the point of starvation. We have evolved past fruit and veg (needed as part of a balanced diet) to the point where it does not satisfy us.

If someone is hungry, give him something that will actually fill him - carbs, meat, bread, rice, potatoes, pasta. Not just fruit.

Everyone is recommeding it because it isn't a 'fun' snack. If you offer a child a choice between chocolate/crisps/sweets or fruit as a treat the majority would choose the chocolate/crisps/sweets.

Would OP's son still steal for the sake of stealing if the only thing available was fruit? probably not. Would he eat the fruit if he was stealing because he is hungry, probably yes.

You can't expect OP to cook pasta rice, postatoes between meals/before bedtime as a snack, they are not snacks, they are staple goods that form part of a meal. Hence the suggestion of fruit. It is a means to establish whether he's doing it out of hunger or naughtiness.

Nicki

euronorris wrote: »

I'm sorry, hijacking here, Pigpen - Can you recommend a good website about Aspergers? Particularly in adults?

A lot of of the behaviour you describe is sounding pretty familiar to me, so I'm wondering if a family member (and maybe even OH) has it. But, I don't really know all of the symptoms.

I used to use this forum a lot in the early days but people were always falling out with each other and starting long threads about it so it got tedious and I haven't been on for years! That being said, there is or used to be some good info and advice amongst the warrior threads...

Www.asd-forum.org.uk

euronorris

Thank you PigPen and Nikki.

OH definitely shows sign of Aspergers. This is something he must be thinking about also as he suggested that perhaps he was autistic or on the autistic spectrum last week. It will help for him to read some info about (also found the autistic society website) and ask questions if he wants to.

The other person I was thinking of (OH's brother), does not display the same signs. I have no idea if there is underlying condition, or if he is just lazy, or if it's a MH issue or what. Long story.

Thank you both for taking time out to help me.
xx

Imp

adouglasmhor wrote: »

Sorry I never saw that experiment but it sounds interesting do you have a link or a review or anything of it?

http://www.motleyhealth.com/diet-and-nutrition/bbc-news-magazine-going-ape

Note that although they were given sufficient calories, they lost an average of 9.7lbs in the course of 12 days. Although not noted in the article, I recall in the programme they were unable to take in and digest sufficient calories purely in the form of fruit and nuts. The comments at the bottom of the article bring this up. The article also contains a link to a BBC article.