My 11 year old keeps stealing from the family and I've tried everything??

Miss_Scrooge_2

Stealing is quite common in children and they all do it for different reasons.

I too stole as a child. My younger sister and I were *never* given pocket money. The only money we received was from our grandparents whenever we visited but my sister always received more than I did and I started to resent my family for it. So I resorted to stealing from them. It wasn't much. 20p here, 50p there. I was clever enough not to steal from purses/wallets but instead piggy banks and the odd coins lying around.

I soon grew out of it though, and I'm sure your son will too. Stop feeding him so many sweets though! "Every day" is not a treat. It's become a diet.

rev229

steveandan68 wrote: »

Hi i know exactly how you feel as i have a 13 year old son who has stole for as long as i can remember, doesnt matter what it is who it belongs too if he wants it he will take it! Last november we found out he had been shoplifting so we took him back to the shop and ended up paying his bill! In the meantime we moved house and he started his new school in January 1 day in may he came home to tell us the police were coming at 4.15pm that evening as he had been caught shoplifting! They police came out and after talking to them and giving a background of my son who has been to cahms team had them come out to my home had a psychiatrist, it was agreed that an ABC order be issued on him (Acceptable Behaviour Contract) this had 12 NOT TO's listed on there including a 7.pm curfew hoping this would work, i sadly regret saying IT HAS NOT! my son has continued to steal, bully people including my disabled son who is 11, lie, break his curfew, each time this has happened i myself have reported him to the police as this needs to stop but i have getting nowhere as each time they have given him another chance i have now hit that brick wall and i havent a clue what else i can do!! any advice would be greatly appreciated..

I had to read this post twice as I thought I had written it myself! 14DS with 12DD who is disabled. he steals from us eveything is locked away and lock on bedroom doors and study door. We have to keep food locked in the garage and the fridge, freezer, tools and knives are all locked. He is given more that enough food each day. If I left buscuits,bread, beans or milk in the kichen he would come down at night and eat the lot. We cannot afford to do a family shop 2-3 times a week it is that bad. Put 4 pints of milk in the fridge and he will drink the lot in one go. Why beacuse he wants it! all money is locked away he has stolen from my purse and his sisters money box. He is aggressive and verbally abusive and a complete bully. Under CAHMS. Social services don't care despite my daughter being at risk. He has been found with knives and hammers in his bedroom. The police advised that all kitchen sharps are locked away for our own safety. If DH did or said the things DS does he would be removed from the home. Noone is interested when the person who is threat is a minor. I have been told by social service to call the police if he threatens or hurt us! Which could be difficult if I am incapacitated! I have no answers for you but can sympathise 100%. I walk around with a bunch of keys for doors and cupboards, car keys and my phone in my pocket ready to leave with DD if I have too. Thats how bad it is.

AnnaLicious_2

Sorry I didn't read all the replies on here, so don't know if this has been mentioned. Have you mentioned to the GP specifically the sweet cravings? My husband is diabetic and sometimes his sweet cravings are so intense I think he'd eat my foot if it was made of chocolate. Maybe this isn't completely behavioural, but instead some signs of hypoglycemia?

xxxxhelpxxxx

AnnaLicious wrote: »

Sorry I didn't read all the replies on here, so don't know if this has been mentioned. Have you mentioned to the GP specifically the sweet cravings? My husband is diabetic and sometimes his sweet cravings are so intense I think he'd eat my foot if it was made of chocolate. Maybe this isn't completely behavioural, but instead some signs of hypoglycemia?

Craving sweets things can be a sign of diabetes but it is HYPERglycaemia, leading to Diabetic Ketoacidosis, that causes the massive sweet cravings. My DD would eat bowls of ice-cream with golden syrup on top in the couple of weeks before she went into DKA and was diagnosed with T1 diabetes.

ashaput

stressedoutmum wrote: »

He also took money from his brother and used it to buy himself and his friend sweets. All my loose change from my purse was missing the other day...

There you go... I got my "dark side" reflection from your kid. When I was 9 I did the same thing as your children do. I took the change from my mom's purse, bought lots of sweets and candies and then share it all with my friends. It felt so right and good to know all of my friends felt happy when they were with me. Then I knew they love to stick around with me just because I had sweets and candies. And I took it as the main reason to stole my mom's change. But then she got me. I wondered how could she know that. She took me inside her room and talked to me. She asked to look at the eyes and told her everything. Shortly I ended up with tears and I promise to not do that again. And I really don't do it anymore.
So, from my own experience the reason why your children keep stealing from you, may be he just want to get along with his friends. May be he thinks having candies and sweets is the only way to get many friends. It is his way to get close to his friends. Hope you'll over it.:)

Gingham_R

Does he have problems with impulse control generally? Is it just the stealing or does he do other impulsive things that seem unusual too? (I'm wondering about ADHD.)

Fire_Fox

peachyprice wrote: »

Everyone is recommeding it because it isn't a 'fun' snack. If you offer a child a choice between chocolate/crisps/sweets or fruit as a treat the majority would choose the chocolate/crisps/sweets.

Would OP's son still steal for the sake of stealing if the only thing available was fruit? probably not. Would he eat the fruit if he was stealing because he is hungry, probably yes.

You can't expect OP to cook pasta rice, postatoes between meals/before bedtime as a snack, they are not snacks, they are staple goods that form part of a meal. Hence the suggestion of fruit. It is a means to establish whether he's doing it out of hunger or naughtiness.

Fruit will not fill up many boys in a growing phase - most are high in water, low in calories, free of fat and protein, many contain high glycaemic index carbs that will behave exactly like sugar in the body if eaten alone on a empty stomach.

stressedoutmum wrote: »

If he is hungry we never stop him having food but he will want sugar snacks so we say have toast, sandwich or fruit - he is never deprived of food. He has a small amount of sweets each day so is never deprived of them.

We advised him to try and save some pocket money and spend some but when he didnt save he blew the whole lot on sweets and just stole sweets from the house when all his money had ran out.

I have had him in the doctors in the past over his temper tantrums. The doctor told me the fact that he never has them in front of anyone else (not school, relatives etc) and only at home then he is a very clever manipulative little boy who feels totally comfortable in his home which is why he does it there and wouldn't try it at anyone else as he is not sure how they would react. He has told me he does it for attention to annoy me if I have annoyed him! He doesn't scream for 2 hours he will sit and sulk and we do tell him to think about how he's behaving and try and catch it before it gets that far.

He never wants to steal sandwiches, bread, fruit etc - only sweets and the money he took was to buy sweets.

If I give him pocket money back he will still continue to steal any sweets that are at home as he has told me he does it because he wants them and I have said no.

He is a very healthy, sociable little boy and is always on his bike, goes boxing and youth club twice a week and eats a healthy diet

I think it's important that all the stealing is associated with sugar. If this was about rule breaking, your son would be taking other items that are high value to him. IMO the police tack is an unproductive one, even adults are poor at curbing short term pleasures in order to reduce long term risks. Think how many people smoke/ drink alcohol/ take drugs/ have unprotected sex/ extra-marital affairs/ flout the speed limit despite knowing the dangers.

I work in physical activity and this includes nutrition consultations. It's rare I see a family with a diet that meets all the government recommendations for health let alone optimum nutrition. Clients who train regularly can need twice as much food as those who are not, far more for professional athletes. :j It's not only larger portions that are needed, they need extra vitamins, minerals and essential fatty acids. Boxing is VERY energy intensive, does he eat a meal before and immediately after the session (within 20 mins)?

Once the blood sugar is dropping the body will crave high fat and high sugar foods, and research shows taste is enhanced at these times. It's therefore 'natural' that your son would want to steal sweets and not sandwiches. Falling blood sugar is NOT necessarily associated with hunger pangs, so your son may not link the cravings with the need to eat. There are strong associations between blood sugar fluctuations and poor behaviour (inc. mood swings, temper outbursts) and some of us are more susceptible than others. Interestingly fatigue can really mess with the blood sugar levels and is proven to increase sugar cravings.

Junk should comprise no more than 10% of daily calories; bearing in mind how calorie-dense treat foods are this will be far less than 10% by eye. Daily crisps or sweets or cake at home suggests you are likely to be exceeding that. I imagine he has school lunch including a pudding or a packed lunch including a treat? Why did you give your children pocket money and keep sweets in the house, were you using them as a reward?

Toast and fruit are both high carbohydrate, moderate to high glycaemic index - to all intents and purposes these foods are sugar, they behave that way in the body. An active child should be eating a balanced meal or mini meal every three to four hours. By balanced I mean a meal or snack that contains healthy fats, protein and fibre as these are satiating (make him feel full) and nutritious. He should never be waiting until he's hungry to eat because research shows he will then make poor choices.

Lastly is your family managing a minimum of three portions of oily fish each week? Long chain omega-3 EFAs are critical for almost every aspect of health, including the brain - behaviour, learning, impulse control! - and sporting activities increase the need for essential fats. Don't be fooled by processed foods claiming to be fortified with omega-3: these usually contain the short chain format from vegetable oils which are insufficient to meet the daily requirement.