Living life, loving life.......hypno's having a ball!

lionheartedgirl

exactly as Cheery says, just tell a harmless white lie and do as you please. Sounds like you could well do with a quiet night in, even if you don't sleep all that well, just some feet up time with the TV and painting your nails (or whatever floats your boat). If the tears come, well so be it.

There is a time to drag yourself out kicking and screaming, like when you know that the feelings will disappear as soon as you are out and enjoying yourself.

But if you *know* inside yourself that you are dreading it, then don't put yourself through it. I have made many a timely exit (or cancelled, and good friends always understand) for a shrieking bawl at home, and have also spent many a night sobbing uncontrollably on the floor like a wailing banshee in the ladies on bad nights. I know which I prefer and which feels more dignified to myself!

It doesn't mean there will be no more invitations ever (and I understand the fear that if you say no, you won't get asked again).

I found a wonderful counsellor and she has helped enormously. Takes a while to find the right one as you probably know. But maybe some external help isn't a bad idea

PS I am in tonight with a Friday soap fest can't blimmin wait after the last couple of weeks, plus I have a mad few days to come. So really need it.

xxx

lucielle

Instead of a duvet on the settee, what about a pamper night, face pack, nails etc. Because YOU ARE WORTH IT. Hugs
L

ZTD

hypno06 wrote: »

Basically, Friday night is the night my children are with their father - therefore it is my night off from being the responsible one.

Wild thing...

hypno06 wrote: »

However, it is also the night that I am becoming more and more "expected" to be sociable. Whether just the after work drinks, or then going on somewhere after that. Try saying "I just fancy an evening at home" and you get the answer "what you need is.......".

What you need is both. Variety being the spice of life and all that.

Your friends are looking at you, and worrying. They're trying to prevent you from being a recluse. Instead of just saying "no", say something like "next week".

hypno06 wrote: »

Generally speaking, I enjoy most of these evenings, but there invariably comes a point when I look around, the self esteem thing kicks in, I feel inadequate,

If you're inadequate - God help the rest of us. But then again, this is where Dunning-Kruger *works* for me. My self-esteem is protected by my incompetence... :T

hypno06 wrote: »

I feel very much *on my own* and I make a quick exit for the nearest cab rank, and by the time I get home I am an absolute wreck.

:grouphug:

hypno06 wrote: »

I am getting teary just writing this - it really is a big issue for me, and one I have to crack, otherwise my one night of being able to do what I want to do, becomes anything but.

:grouphug:

hypno06 wrote: »

I know that all I need to do is say "no". Part of me wants to do that......and to go and curl up under the blanket on the sofa never to appear again. Part of me wants to live life, and meet people and have fun.

That's the bare bones of it. It does run a little deeper than that, but I can't go into that on here.

You do have a confidant you can and *are* sharing this with - right?

hypno06 wrote: »

Bet you wish you hadn't asked now :rotfl:

I (speaking personally here) never wish that. It's always better out than in.

short_bird

I'd have popped in before now but my monitor blew up and needed a new capacitor or something like that.:whistle:

I've gone back to reread the following pararaph and it sounds a bit glib, not my intention.

Paraphrasing wildly from a class I took 5 years ago: if you're in a stressful situation, the mind partitions off anything that doesn't help with the basic goal of survival so you don't spend time analysing what's going on, you react. Only later, when you're in a safe place, does the mind let stuff out to be dealt with, when it believes you can process it. So Hypno, (looking for a reframe) congratulations on reaching the safe place!

ETA Zed, thanks for the Dunning-Kruger reference, will read up on that.

MrsMoo2U

Morning KC. Cheery makes a very good point about little white lies, as does Z about your friends not wanting you to become a recluse. i am sure that they mean well by insisting on you coming out. When that started to happen to me I started to really resent going out and my friends too. I mentioned it in a fit of frustration to one of them who, kindly, explained that they were worried that I would be home all weekend on my own and lonely. Once it was spoken about I could easily say no thanks. Mind you I did still need to push myself out sometimes. You, on the other hand, have lots of socialising that you love to do. Football on a Saturday, ski club. Actually you havent mentioned going there with your laptop lately. Is that still an activity you partake in?

Also, if you do need to find some external help I hope you find somebody as good as you obviously are otherwise you might end up counselling them

Have a good Friday.

hypno06

Thanks guys - am at work so will reply properly later.

Lula-Hula

Sweetie,

I hear you on every point raised in your earlier post.

Sadly, I have not yet come up with any suitable solutions to getting out of expected socialising other than to stay for maybe an hour at most & then leave saying that you have a previous engagement with friends.

Which you do, here

xx

Buffythedebtslayer

With Mum away at the moment ALL I want to do is stay home.

Just the space to be. tidy up don't tidy up. housework or no housework. Tv or radio. bed or sofa.

However tonight I am at the cinema and tomorrow night I going to a Champagne bar. i don't want to do to either.

I love my friends. truly I do, but life is busy and I am tired. I hate standing in a bar if I am honest, the cinema will be ok. but oh, I don't know.

Sorry Hypno, this is just me rambling away here. I just wanted you to know you weren't the only one who has shall we say mixed feelings about the whole going out thing! Sometimes I like it but not always.

I would honestly rather stay in with a bottle of wine and a couple of good mates.

xxx

youareallhelpingme

I have you managed to feel up to doing what you wanted to tonight rather than what you felt you should be doing x

I have come up with 2 potential ways of getting a night to yourself:

1) Tell you friends you are having a shred night and they are welcome to join you

or

2) Offer to cook and special meal of tinned sprouts

hypno06

Both guaranteed to work I reckon!! Will keep those in the "please let me be" excuses book for future reference!

So.......went out for drinks, then went to a girlfriends house where she had some other friends I'd not met round for wine, crisps, laughter and cards. Nice relaxed evening, got a cab home at 1ish, and needless to say no tears shed so far.

Someone on MSE has given me some very helpful words of advice, for which I am truly grateful. More to think about - but with a slightly different view to the one I have been adopting so far. You know who you are, so thank you xxx