Living life, loving life.......hypno's having a ball!

yummymommy

Just popping in to give hugs. I wondered if you have ever read "you can heal your life" by Louise Hay? It's helped/helping me. I am a big fan of meditation. Some are guided, but some are just concentrating on my breath.

Things are moving more slowly for me and our house is not even up for sale yet. He does have a girlfriend.(Didn't take him long to move on after 17 years!!) This causes huge amounts of stress for various reasons. My dd's are still junior school age and I do try to look on the bright side. For example I now know that I have every other Saturday afternoon through to Sunday evening all to myself. This was hard to start with but now I use this time to work on my spiritual/emotional self and catch up with friends.

I always try to look at what I "have" got and to be grateful for it. Not always easy I know.

I think for me I was paralysed by the fear of the unknown/future. Now I am trying to feel excited when I think of the future and live in the now. I am in my mid fourties and at first felt that my life was over.

I too keep a journal and pour all my emotions onto the pages. It's amazing how much better it makes you feel. Even if it's just de-cluttering your brain.

I understand how you feel when you go out, i really do. I believe it's all down to self-esteem. (Confidence being a very different thing). If you have high self-esteem and start to love yourself, (not in a conceited way), then all the self doubt really does go away. Like anything else old habits are not easily pushed away and have to be worked on.

Sorry to waffle away, just thought I would share my thoughts with you.

Keep smiling Hypno xxx

hypno06

Thanks YM - there are a lot of us having to work out who we are and where we are heading, for all sorts of reasons. Whether it is a divorce/separation like you and I, health reasons like Taxi, or loss of a partner like DC, all are very different, but yet have many elements that are the same.

I am trying to concentrate on "being".....but having spent so long "doing", this is not easy. And neither should it be really - after 25 years in the same relationship, 6 years pretending to have dealt with losing my dad, 10 years in chronic financial difficulties.....etc.....etc....why should it be easy to let all that go and move on without hindrance on any level?

I remember saying to XOH after he left, so many times, when he was finding things difficult - "it is not *supposed* to be easy" - If it was so easy, then no one would ever have a second thought about walking away. Similarly, grieving is not easy, being a parent is not easy. Getting out of debt is not easy. It all requires continual adjustment, acceptance that mistakes will be made along the way, and a huge huge learning process.

What I find difficult to a certain extent is that this is all the stuff that I teach. All the stuff that I would say to my therapy clients of years gone by. And I would get excellent results. But like doctors not taking their own medical advice, or like builders not ever getting round to finishing their own loft conversion, I haven't really applied the same level of thinking to my own circumstances up til now.

That has to change a bit. Else I am a candidate for the funny farm.....:o

Keep going, YM, you are doing just fine. I did move house quite quickly - too quickly some might say - but for me it was the right time and it just all worked well. When the time is right for you, it will all slot into place and some of those elements of stress will reduce (even if they have to escalate as part of the process in the short term.)

For me, it is not the "practical" stuff that is the problem - practicalities of our lives are largely quite alright, in some ways are excellent, eg finances compared with years gone by, my beautiful house, and the fact that I have well grounded children, and in other ways are as good as anyone can expect in such situations eg arrangements and communciations with XOH. It is my *own* way of thinking that needs addressing. My perception of things, my needs, wants and dreams, and my acceptances.

The good thing is that I don't need to expect anyone else to change. I just need to have some sort of a shift myself.

That gives me the chance to take control. That has to be a good thing. Right?

Karmacat

Yes it is, Hypno, honestly, even tho it doesn't feel like it at the moment - the shift will come. The eyes-open moment has been a long time building up - the debt, your dad, the divorce, all of it - now that you're letting go on a deep level, it *can't* happen overnight. But happen it will :grouphug: you're using your emotions *and* your intelligence together in support of that. Step by step.

taxi73

you are definitely moving forward Hypno as you can now acknowledge stuff and seem to have got to the route of things and by disecting those and being realistic perhaps you'll be able to find the right way forward.

I don't even have a clue where to start with how I feel but am leaving it on the back boiler at the moment because at this moment in time I don't have the energy or head space to deal with it.It doesn't help that I don't know what I want out of life at this moment in time and seem to be aimless at the moment.I'm going away for a few days and going to enjoy myself and when I'm back I'll get the pesky accounts done as they weigh me down and then get on with sorting me out.

yummymommy

Yes H it is a good thing, it's a very good thing.

You are doing an amazing job and don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise.

I have been reading your diary for a few years and know that you have had many successes. Please celebrate these successes though and give yourself a pat on the back at how far you've come. :T
We are all allowed wobbles. The most important thing is that you deal with your wobbles by constantly learning and investigating new ways/thoughts.

The one thing that I have learned is to be kind to yourself. If you want to cry, do it, if you want to sleep, then sleep. I frequently go and punch my bed and throw my pillows around. (Sounds like a toddler having a tantrum i know, but it feels good to get all the emotion out). Allow your emotions to wash over you. I never had "time" for my emotions and felt guilty if I need to sleep etc etc

When you are in a situation, sometimes you cannot see the wood for the trees so being a therapist probably makes it more difficult knowing what you think you "should" be doing and what you "should be doing."

Finally H, as always thank you for your kind words - they are always very much appreciated. If you are ever around the West Midlands please feel free to contact me and pop in for a coffee.

Hugs xx

hypno06

Taxi, enjoy your break - I am sure it will do you the world of good .

YM, thank you x

Triciaxx

Hypno, when you listed the changes, you didn't include going back to your old full time job. That's another change and must have caused some stress.

Did you want to go back or did you feel you didn't have a choice. I may be paddling up the wrong creek but we do get identified by others by our jobs. We refer to 'My son the techie guy' or 'my friend X, the social worker' and the description can influence how we feel we should act.

I didn't realise till I retired just how much my sense of self was tied up in my work.

Just throwing out ideas here because it's only through exploring every possible cause for how you feel that you can be sure you've sorted every angle.

MrsMoo2U

Hypno, what a fantastic post up there (few back). I read and re read it. Much food for thought.

Tricia, you are so right about being defined by what we do for a living. I only realised that this happens when I started to go to the proms and after 2 years I still had no idea what any of our friends from the proms did for a living. It didn't matter we were friends because of a common interest and we took the time to find out about each other. I realised after a while why that was uncomfortable for me. When I had been married for 16 years I kind of lost myself and so when asked about things I liked doing I had no idea................ That was a deep and uncomfortable time for me to come through.

hypno06

I did choose to come back to work - and it was absolutely the right thing to do. I love my job, and couldn't think of anything I would want to do in its place. Plus, it gives me the ability to earn a reasonable salary, which in turn takes many stresses away from me.....especially now that I am on my own.

That said.....it *is* a job that by its very nature is stressful, so when I am tired or emotional it adds fuel to any negative spiral. Also, because I am a woman in a mans world here, there is always that need (or perceived need) to not show emotion. I have been known to have a bad day, and know what the guys are thinking.....so have slapped a post it note on my forehead stating "and NO, I do NOT have PMT!!!!!"

Generally speaking, my friends are all "professionals" too - solicitors, journalists, etc, or business owners themselves, so I don't really feel that my job is an issue "socially" if you like. It defines me, but I quite like it.

It probably scares some others off though....."I'm a stockbroker" can be an instant conversation stopper, although I like the title, so am proud to use it. Except when the hairdresser or girl in the salon asks what I do.....then I know that if I say I am a stockbroker, she will expect a huge tip.....so I just say I work in a finance office :cool:

gilligansyle

Just catching up, and sending ((((((hugs))))))

I think the point about you've spent so long 'doing' that when it all stops and you have time to be yourself is a really good one.