Living life, loving life.......hypno's having a ball!

hypno06

Perhaps! It did fit in with the whole "paralysis by analysis" thing that has been another feature of the last few weeks, and that I also need to address.

Keeping_Motivated

Yep people in real life will be able to identify that and I believe in balance in everything so maybe you could use your gym time to think about how you could create more balance ie down time...or maybe a mind map as I know that is one of your ways of working things out.

Plus do you think your new found single status has made you feel you 'must' say yes to every single invite? Maybe you do already say no to some things I am just wondering.

Keeping_Motivated

Mmmm can't help you with the 'paralysis by analysis' as that is me too at times (quite a lot) Also 'Perfectionism' does not help me at times either

hypno06

Balance and perspective are what are required, that much is for sure, and yes going to the gym is one of my ways of starting to address that, giving me headspace and doing something that is *only* for me.

The social thing is an interesting one - sometimes heading out with my group of single girlfriends, is absolutely the best tonic, and as you can see from my photos on fb, I love them to bits and we have such fun. But sometimes it makes me feel, I don't know, inadequate in some way. Sometimes my Friday nights end up with me looking around me at all the other "40-ish women let out on a Friday" and I find myself thinking "is that what I look like?", and all of a sudden I am not enjoying it anymore. That is a really crappy feeling, and generally results in me grabbing the nearest cab home and escaping......only to be hit by the reality that it *is* what I am doing. It *is* what I look like, surely, because I am there.....?

Anyway, need to get dressed and to the gym.....back in a bit x

Karmacat

Oh, I know that feeling, I really do. I *think* the balance needed is between inner and outer life ..... we've had to pay so much attention to the *outer* life, to get debt free, that the inner life really gets forgotten.

Something more is needed .... whether your balance is existential or spiritual or a combination of both, only you know ....

Keeping_Motivated

I know that feeling too on a night out...not all the time, some nights I have the most amazing time with my pals and I feel 'rich' in my life because of the laugh we have and the bond we share then another night out I can feel 'what am I doing here' and feel a little awkward and uncomfortable even if that's not what I am showing on the 'outside'...I've no idea either what triggers that feeling either...except now I have wrote it down I recognise that the nights I have a 'ball' with my girlfriends are the nights when I don't even notice those around me or even care, its just me and my friends having a laugh...on the nights I am thinking 'oh god what am I even doing here' I am looking around me at all the people having fun or looking desperate or acting ridiculous....so maybe its when I am judging others either as looking gorgeous and having the perfect life or as being a desperate saddo (probably unfairly on both counts) that I start to judge myself and want get out of there...maybe this bit links in with my perfectionism....who knows but anyway we weren't even talking about me lol we are talking about you and I hope you find that balance asap, you deserve it.

oceanspirit

hypno06 wrote: »

Perhaps! It did fit in with the whole "paralysis by analysis" thing that has been another feature of the last few weeks, and that I also need to address.

I think it was Karmacat who suggested writing things down in a journal. By just writing down whatever comes into your head without thinking about it is a way of doing a head declutter which needs doing from time to time in the same way that we declutter our homes to stop the stuff we don't need any more taking over.

When you read it back you will probably discover that you have written down the reason why you are feeling what you are and also the solution. In fact, you may never need to know the reason why you are feeling what you are. If you don't want to keep what has been written you can either put the pages through the shredder or burn them.

Earlier this week I found myself completely stuck and overwhelmed with all the things I need to deal with at the moment and couldn't see a way out so I sat down with my journal and after an hour of continuous writing the blockage had gone and I've been very productive over the few days since. I haven't even looked over what I've written as on this occasion I don't feel I need to.

hypno06

Karmacat wrote: »

Something more is needed .... whether your balance is existential or spiritual or a combination of both, only you know ....

I think that is part of the problem - I don't know if I *do* know Am sure it will all become apparent in the fullness of time, though!

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

but anyway we weren't even talking about me lol we are talking about you and I hope you find that balance asap, you deserve it.

Just because this is my diary doesn't mean I don't want people to talk about themselves - especially as it all links together! For a start, it helps me to know that what I am thinking and feeling is actually pretty ok!

Have been to the gym....was very quiet there, so plenty of space and choice of equipment today. Back home and a bowl of porridge devoured and will have a couple of hours rest before we go to the cinema. Head is still fuzzy - but not as bad as first thing. Again, I think it will clear as things settle down. There is just too much going on in my head at the moment, and I think I do truly have "brain-ache"

Ocean - I think I will do more of the "write it down" stuff - I know that last year when I was still in the old house, and still in the early stages of our separation, I used pen and paper to great effect.

BEAT_THE_DEBT

Hi hypno your post about looking around at people in pub struck a chord with me i am 38 and feeling not so secure about how i look x

hypno06

BEAT_THE_DEBT wrote: »

Hi hypno your post about looking around at people in pub struck a chord with me i am 38 and feeling not so secure about how i look x

It took me months of going out on a Friday night....and then one night at about 10.30 (so not late) I got a text from my friend saying "are you having a good night?" and I started texting back "yes thanks" and looked around me, suddenly saw things very differently, and responded "urm, actually, no....now heading for a cab"!!!

I don't *think* I look like those desperado's.....I don't show as much flesh for starters, and in some ways I think they must have far more confidence than I do, which is something that I am jealous of, but of course I don't know who is judging me in the same way I am judging them, and also they may be far from confident, and also going home at the end of the night to sob!

Am rambling on now :rotfl: