The Giving up/ Cutting down Alcohol support thread- number 10

mrsrainman

graemecarter wrote: »

That pretty much sums up my drinking.
I cannot drink safely at all, and am powerless over alcohol.
Powerless to say no, and powerless once I put alcohol in my body.

I didn't always get smashed each time I had a drink, and often didn't, but that fact that I would sometimes get smashed is me being powerless.

I'd often set myself targets about not drinking, and (if they were longer than a week) not make them.
My non-alcoholic friends change their drinking to suit their targets (such as running a marathon), but I'd change my targets to suit my drinking.

All I need to do is not drink today. If I get to bed and I haven't hurt anyone by my drinking or my desire to have a drink, then that's a good sober day.

Your words had a real effect on me when I read them. I wish MrR would see the light. After 2 very bad nights with both him and Baby I told him that he had to sober up, I can't leave Baby with him as I dont trust him. My arguement was that he wouldn't go to work or drive after 2 bottles of wine so why does he think he can look after a baby??!! He spent the night sulking on the sofa. Went to Tesco this morning and came back with 2 bottles of wine and 4 Buds??!! Apologies for the language but !!!!!!??!! Which means when baby is unsettled again later he'll keep faffing around like he did last night.

I might go and stay with my mum

Mrs R xx

danielley

Hi,

Just discovered this thread by searching 'teetotal' in the forum search. I've not read all of thread, as my broadband is playing up and keeps losing connection, but what I have read is very inspiring.

I went out last night and mixed my drinks and ended up having to come home because I felt so unwell. I ended up being sick and then collapsing in bed, and I have been ill again this morning.

I'm usually very conscious of how much I drink and make sure I space out my drinks and have plenty of water, but every 6months or so, I will have a night like last night when I go too far.

I feel really ashamed today; I can remember flashes from last night and I remember speaking to some acquaintances of the boss of my ex, and I told them some information that I probably shouldn't have and would never have done if I was sober or just 'merry'. I also remember some of my friends partners laughing at me; they find it hilarious when I get drunk, as 99 times out of 100 I stay the most sober of everyone, and they usually tell me to relax more and drink more, so I think they find the novelty of my inebriation hilarious.

I know that I didn't do anything terrible last night and it was a one off (well an every six month or so occurence) but the fact that I could have done something really humiliating has terrified me, as I have done so very bad things in the past when drunk and this has brought it all back to the forefront of my mind.

So.... I have been thinking about becoming teetotal, but at this moment I dont know how I would manage it, all of my circle of friends drink and I know from when I used to work in a pub, it is not pleasant socialising with people when I am sober and nobody else is.

I'm sure that many others have faced this dilemma, of considering becoming teetotal and I just wanted some advice really; maybe I am overreacting because i had one bad night.

I apologise in advance if I have offended anyone, I know that there are people struggling with addictions and my post probably sounds like self indlugant twaddle, but the though of never drinking again seems so alien, so maybe I am addicted?

Blonde_Ambition

Hi Danielley. Welcome. Not self-indulgent twaddle but it does sound to me as if you're giving yourself a hard time. I too am wondering whether could I...should I become teetotal. Was thinking this morning, what if I've already had my last drink? But I doubt it! Good luck in deciding.

danielley

Hi Blonde Ambition, thanks for the welcome.

Another thing that has got me considering giving up alcohol for good is that I recently read a book but James Duigan (he is the fitness trainer who trains Elle McPherson and Rosie Huntley-Whitington - or whatever her name is) anyway, he said that hardly any celebs drink and that is why they look so good and are able to train so hard and often, they see booze for what it is, a sugar filled calorific drink that has no nutritional benefit (apart from the old red wine anti oxidant arguement)

I do actually know a teetotal person, my partners cousin, and he is a lovely entertaining person, I only found out that he was teetotal after sitting next to him at a wedding, and for the previous 4 years I had never noticed, so its not necessarily the end of the world, socially.

maman

Sorry to hear about your continued problems MrsR. I know you suspected MrR wouldn't turn over a new leaf when baby came along and you were obviously right. I'm certainly no expert but my take is that he has to make that decision for himself and maybe needs to hit the bottom before he can sort himself out. Just caring for the baby doesn't seem to have shaken him. It seems that provided he is just about coping with 'normal' life he'll carry on. Maybe you do need to go to your mum for a bit, it might be a step towards him realising what he's putting at risk. Hope this doesn't come over bossy, I'm certainly not trying to give advice, just thinking aloud really.:grouphug:

maman

:wave:welcome danielley, it's certainly not self-indulgent to consider your options. My DD1 and a close friend are teetotal and they are perfectly fun people and not social lepers. As for going about it, I'd recommend you don't set your targets too high, too soon. You'll have the idea of being teetotal in your head whatever you choose but I'd say go for as many AF days as you can on a run and see what happens. The thread can help in lots of ways. You could just have your name added to the August list as TF (target free) and just clock up a day at a time. You could be a little more ambitious and sign up for 4 days on the SNC (School Night Challenge) and build from there or you could set a target of 18 and try to be AF for the rest of the month. When you see the AF days clocking up next to your name, I find it really helps. Good luck.

PriceySOS

Hi Everybody :wave:

Just come back from a really lovely hol in S France with DH, DD2 and DD3 (DD1 travelling in Thailand :eek:). I managed 3 AFD's, which is a real achievement for me on hols. I wasn't TOO indulgent with the wine on the other evenings, but I must admit that it's going to be quite difficult to climb back on the week-night wagon, especially because it's school holidays and I've no projects at the moment, and I'd love a glass or two of wine tonight, but got to start some time.

My sympathies go out to Mrs R and Little One.

mrsrainman

I meant to say earlier, everyone is doing so well!! (But I was distracted by the doorbell:o)

Maman - I was thinking the same sort of thing. Going to my mums might make him realise.

danielley - Welcome on board!!

MrsR xx

RuthnJasper

Hi Danielley! Welcome aboard...

YellowMonkey - So sorry about your step-dad; I hope he will be OK. My mum has had cancer twice, so I can understand how you feel. Mum said that the worst thing really was other peoples' pity - they started talking to her as if she was already doomed.:mad: The doctors can do so much these days and I'll keep everything crossed for you.

MrsR - I am sorry that you're being put through the wringer at the mo. Maybe going to stay with your mum might give the OH the jolt he needs - it would probably do you a lot of good to have a restful sleep, and that cannot be a bad thing. I don't have children, but I used to do LOTS of babysitting every week. Some of the parents would leave a bottle of wine out for me in the kitchen but, much as I was tempted, I never imbibed. One never knows with children - especially very young children - when they might need help/advice/comfort from someone or even, God forbid, a trip to a doctor. Hopefully your OH just needs a bit of a jolt to get him looking in the right direction. Trust all will turn out well for you. Have you thought about writing him a sensible, reasoned letter explaining your fears and how much you would value his support?

LOTS of love to you all. Monday tomorrow - yippieee :rotfl:
xx

Blonde_Ambition

Hi all. Just finished a book called "Cleaning Up" by Tania Glyde (from library, very MSE) which is pretty good. It's about how she came off drugs and drink. It's ok. She gave up at the same age as I am now (36) so I could relate to it. Also, it really challenges the idea of the stereotypical alcoholic. My experiences are nowhere near as extreme as hers but some of the stories (embarassing yourself, starting arguments, being known as "oh, she likes a drink") made me cringe as I could think of similar stories.