marriage break up, debts and gaming

CapQuest_Help

Jinx wrote: »

I just wanted to say I did this too, so it can be done. Paid off my overdraft first then did my own DMP for the rest. I just want to reassure you that you can do it how you like and you can change your payments along the way to suit current circumstances.

Having read the comments of others I just wanted to say, although your hubby appears to be addicted and you may want to give him another chance; he doesnt have to be with you while he sorts himself out does he? Surely your welfare and that of your pregnant daughter are just as important?

my daughter would worry less about me if he would sort himself out and come home. Shes worried about me being lonely, alone and financially.

I was terrified i wouldnt have enought left over after basic expenses to offer crediors anything. but they might not accept £42 per month:(

CapQuest_Help

Tropez wrote: »

But you could hide it somewhere he would never have found it, then just let him tear the house apart. With many addicts, they need to realise when they hit rock bottom before they are open to help and seeing the consequences of their actions is one way in which to assist them in seeing that they have hit rock bottom. Ultimately, it depends on whether you want to help him or not. Helping in these situations isn't just begging someone not to do anything, it is about taking control of the situation and calmly but forcefully explaining that the object of addiction has a powerful, destructive hold on the addict.

How was he preventing you from cancelling the Sky package? Was it in his name? If he was unable to pay for it then did you choose to pay for it? Sky won't let you run up huge debts with them - you miss one month's payment and your service is suspended until the payment has been made. If he couldn't afford it then surely this occured?

He was there it was 4am, I wasn't able to hide it anywhjere good. To be honest he scared me.

The sky is in his name but we changed the payments to my bank as he kept bouncing the payments. He kept promising me he would sort it out, but ev ery month the money was late or didnt arrive.

I was just trying to keep things normal & on an even keel.

Tropez

CapQuest_Help wrote: »

my daughter would worry less about me if he would sort himself out and come home. Shes worried about me being lonely, alone and financially.

I was terrified i wouldnt have enought left over after basic expenses to offer crediors anything. but they might not accept £42 per month:(

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Whenever you have a spare hour or so, gather all of your paperwork and fill that in. Then post the results over at the Debt-Free Wannabe board. If necessary, exclude your husbands income. The folks on DFW may be able to assist you on how to reduce your outgoings a little so that you can work on paying off your creditors faster.

£900 per month does seem a lot to be running a house, unless we're talking about an especially big house. There is likely something you have missed somewhere that could be provided for less and unless you're in any sort of contract period, ditch the Sky account if it hasn't already been done, sell the box on eBay (especially if you have a HD box - you can make £50-£100 from it).

Consider signing up to all the various survey sites and have a look at the Boost Your Income board as well (survey site links, plus other ways to make money are there) and see if there's anything you can find there that will make you a little extra money.

Tropez

CapQuest_Help wrote: »

He was there it was 4am, I wasn't able to hide it anywhjere good. To be honest he scared me.

The sky is in his name but we changed the payments to my bank as he kept bouncing the payments. He kept promising me he would sort it out, but ev ery month the money was late or didnt arrive.

I was just trying to keep things normal & on an even keel.

Yes, many addicts give the impression that they may resort to violence or abusive behaviour without their "fix". Running around at 4am desperate to play on his console is yet another example of addiction, something you can show to him when he's in a calmer mood.

Cancel Sky, now, if you have not already done so, and as per my message above, sell the box on eBay.

CapQuest_Help

Tropez wrote: »

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Whenever you have a spare hour or so, gather all of your paperwork and fill that in. Then post the results over at the Debt-Free Wannabe board. If necessary, exclude your husbands income. The folks on DFW may be able to assist you on how to reduce your outgoings a little so that you can work on paying off your creditors faster.

£900 per month does seem a lot to be running a house, unless we're talking about an especially big house. There is likely something you have missed somewhere that could be provided for less and unless you're in any sort of contract period, ditch the Sky account if it hasn't already been done, sell the box on eBay (especially if you have a HD box - you can make £50-£100 from it).

Consider signing up to all the various survey sites and have a look at the Boost Your Income board as well (survey site links, plus other ways to make money are there) and see if there's anything you can find there that will make you a little extra money.

My council rent is 404.72
My council tax will be with single person discount 95.75,
Gas and electric 90.00 - they are on key meters as he stopped paying direct debits and run up debts - the debts are paid now, but I can't change them back.
TV license 12.18 this was m ore as i was paying back debt he ran up when he stopped paying direct debit.
Phone 23.25
Sky 19.50 minimum package now.
broadband 14.99 not in a cheap area and under contract
House contents insurance 5.46
Housekeeping and pet food 200

Thats £872:(

I still owe £335 to council tax for this year as he also stopped paying that direct debit & they nearly took us to court.
They want that money on the last day of this month

CapQuest_Help

Tropez wrote: »

Yes, many addicts give the impression that they may resort to violence or abusive behaviour without their "fix". Running around at 4am desperate to play on his console is yet another example of addiction, something you can show to him when he's in a calmer mood.

Cancel Sky, now, if you have not already done so, and as per my message above, sell the box on eBay.

He still wont have it hes addicted.

The only time he ever admitted it was an addicton was that monday night by phone and I told him I loved him and we would beat it together and we are strong together.
It was the next morning he wanted to sell it.
He came home that night, we made love, had dinner, slept cuddled up all night and the next morning he told me by phone as we were both at work he had to bring the playstation home.
I felt like s**t. Like I had been disapointing to him the night before.

Tropez

CapQuest_Help wrote: »

My council rent is 404.72
My council tax will be with single person discount 95.75,
Gas and electric 90.00 - they are on key meters as he stopped paying direct debits and run up debts - the debts are paid now, but I can't change them back.
TV license 12.18 this was m ore as i was paying back debt he ran up when he stopped paying direct debit.
Phone 23.25
Sky 19.50 minimum package now.
broadband 14.99 not in a cheap area and under contract
House contents insurance 5.46
Housekeeping and pet food 200

Thats £872:(

Housekeeping and pet food would need to be elaborated on.

23.25 for phone could probably be provided cheaper.

Sky needs to go.

It is a shame about the contract for Broadband as anything over £10 these days is expensive. It doesn't matter what area you're in, it matters who has their equipment in your exchange. When your contract is up go to http://www.samknows.com/broadband/index.php and enter your details. You'll find out exactly who has their equipment in your exchange and therefore who will be offering the lowest prices.

CapQuest_Help

the cab said 200 to 258 is the recommended housekeeping for a single person.

its only 46.15 a week and i have 2 cats to feed out of that.

looked into your cheap broadband link and called the cheapest. they confirmed im not in a cheap broadband area and its 12.99 per month

Mojisola

Tropez wrote: »

But you could hide it somewhere he would never have found it, then just let him tear the house apart. With many addicts, they need to realise when they hit rock bottom before they are open to help and seeing the consequences of their actions is one way in which to assist them in seeing that they have hit rock bottom. Ultimately, it depends on whether you want to help him or not. Helping in these situations isn't just begging someone not to do anything, it is about taking control of the situation and calmly but forcefully explaining that the object of addiction has a powerful, destructive hold on the addict.

I think it's very unfair to suggest that CapQuest Help should have allowed her OH to tear the house to bits. They're already in serious debt - how would having a wrecked house help their situation?

If her OH is not shocked enough by having to leave the family home then there's very little will reach him at the moment. It's his problem and until he accepts that, there is very little CapQuest will be able to do to help him.

Tropez

CapQuest_Help wrote: »

He still wont have it hes addicted.

The only time he ever admitted it was an addicton was that monday night by phone and I told him I loved him and we would beat it together and we are strong together.
It was the next morning he wanted to sell it.
He came home that night, we made love, had dinner, slept cuddled up all night and the next morning he told me by phone as we were both at work he had to bring the playstation home.
I felt like s**t. Like I had been disapointing to him the night before.

You don't need to feel bad, though. It is symptomatic of his issues. It sounds as if he does recognise there is a problem but is too weak at present to do anything about it.

Without meaning to belittle your problem, I have my own addiction, although it is a more socially acceptable and far less destructive one - I'm addicted to caffeine. It may sound absurd, but without it, I cannot function properly. I need a coffee when I get up, and usually, three or four more during the day. If I don't get caffeine I just don't feel right. The same may well go for your husband. The idea of gaming is so ingrained upon his being that without it something feels off - and the level at which it feels off has the biggest effect on his behaviour.

This is not a reflection on you, as a wife, mother or woman and perhaps talking to somebody, such as your GP, may help you find particular services that are available in your local community that assist people such as yourself. I wouldn't presume to know what is available where you are but my GPs surgery is decorated with any number of support group contact details for people living with a drunk, or a drug addict or with a gambling addict etc. There may even be a general, all-purpose support group. Perhaps if you can see what is out there and interact with it, finances and time allowing, then you can help to understand how you can best help him, but more importantly, best help yourself - to cope, and to be happy, and to eventually put this mess behind you.

While your relationship depends on you being strong enough to help him at this point, it depends very much on you being strong enough to help yourself as well.