marriage break up, debts and gaming

CapQuest_Help

My husband is self employed and the last few years its been getting harder to make money. He has spent more and more time online gaming on the playstation than working and got us into debt.
The money problems are bad for a relationship but so is online gaming. You can't have an adult relationship with someone who is a game addict.

I gave him an ultimatum just under 2 weeks ago and he choose to leave. Hes renting a room from a friend to live in. On Monday night last he told me he wanted to come home without the playstation. On Tuesday morning he told me he was going to put the playstation on ebay and put the proceeds to wards a holiday for us. Tuesday night he came home and said he would get his stuff at the weekend. On Wednesday morning we were both at work and spoke on the phone he said he could not come home without the playstation and he promised to moderate his gaming, but he can't do that, hes tried before. We have been rowing about this for nearly 2 years but its got much worse as time has gone on.

I work full time and earn a moderate wage but now have to run the house alone and that costs nearly £900 a month. Running my car costs nearly £500 thats everything as its on HP and I have 11 more payments. I went to see the CAB because I am £12000 in debt to credit cards, store cards and catalogues. They put me onto payplan who wont take me on for a DMP as I dont have £100 after basic expenses spare month only £42 but they have promised to send me letters to send to my creditors offering them a share of the £42.

I can not believe my husband has thrown our life and marriage away for a teenage game:(:(:(:(:(

Pennysmakepounds

Hi,

Sorry to hear that. Can i just ask how old he actually is.

Is this a mid life crises??

CapQuest_Help

he is 43:(

he needs to act it:(

Jinx

I just wanted to say that you can do your own DMP if Payplan cant help. If you have a look on the Debt-free wannabe forum here on MSE you will see lots of us do and have done it. Lots of advice etc...

Good luck, hope it all works out how you want

CapQuest_Help

Thank you
Couldnt understand how I didnt have enough spare money for payplan to help me. I thought that was the whole idea.
I feel so stupid and stressed. Daughter is taking it really hard too and shes pregnant.

Mrs_Arcanum

Think the DMP Criteria is to be able to pay off your debts within 10 years maximum.

Good luck for the future.

CapQuest_Help

When ive got my car paid off I will be able to increase my payments.

celyn90

He said he's tried to stop with the gaming before, but did he actually seek professional help about it or just try to stop? cel x

CapQuest_Help

Hes only tried to cut down before. He doesnt think he has a problem he says its his hobby.

Mojisola

CapQuest_Help wrote: »

Hes only tried to cut down before. He doesnt think he has a problem he says its his hobby.

Until that attitude changes, he won't change. You really will be better off without him.

Tropez

If he is an addict, then he needs help, not ultimatums.

Many men and women, of all ages, enjoy video games as the pass time they are intended to be. However, it does unfortunately happen whereby someone becomes too immersed in a particular game or particular type of game and this is often due to problems in the home life that the game provides an escape for. Unfortunately, it is not a healthy escape, as the fantasy world of the video game coupled with the relatively high level of control that most video games give the player results in a situation where someone becomes more psychologically dependent on the game simply because this life is better than the one he or she is leading.

In this case, it isn't hard to understand why he might be exhibiting signs of addiction to his Playstation. It may well be that in the time leading up to his increase in gaming he was already suffering from a form of depression, the games became the key to making him feel better and thus the psychological dependency has occurred, fuelled heavily by the difficult financial situation that has taken hold of your relationship and pushed him further into that void.

What you need to decide is whether you want a relationship with this man or not. You can kick him to the curb and have nothing more to do with him, but in doing so you run the risk of forcing him to play games to a serious level of personal detriment - both socially and in regards to his health. If you do want a relationship, then you need to get him into the doctors office, and you need to start looking at addiction-related psychotherapy. You also need to make sure you take none of his crap - none of the "just five minutes", none of the "I'll cut down", nothing like that - if he wants to get better, and you want him to get better, then you both need to display an element of strength and control. Make him see how destructive his behaviour is and be firm about it.

I would also like to mention that where you say that his gaming has got you in to debt, I do not think it would be appropriate or fair to blame this on him. People do not run up £12k debts on credit cards and catalogues if they're looking after their finances properly. While he may not have helped, he does not need to be blamed for something that is not wholly his fault as it will simply fuel any depression he may be experiencing along with the feelings of worthlessness that may well have contributed to his excessive gaming in the first place.