Can anyone help us stop our daughter being bullied

batfink99

Don't use Head teachers for this. Used to work in a school they all say that bullying does not happen in their school and the policy is copied so they don't understand it or know what is in it, like you said. Go to ofstead site and report the school they have to take action then. Hope this helps.

poe.tuesday

a few years back my daughter was bullied and slapped by the older school !!!!! - this was in primary school and a small village school

we went down the whole route of complaining to the school, then when nothing was done, we complained to the governers, then onto the lea and then onto the church of england, ofsted - we spent a year trying to get something done about the school bully who continued to bully my daughter and nothing was done, they all closed ranks and would not admit that anything was happening, even though the bully and her family were well known for this type of behavour, we even called the police once and they were the only ones who did anything but that was due to an out of school incident

I fought tooth and nail for something to be done as it was my village school and why the hell should I have to remove my daughter because the school and everyone else wanted to brush it under the carpet - I was not scared of the bully, her family or the whole system and I just wanted the issue to be dealt with

after a year of doing this I realised it had taken over our lives, my daughter was not happy at the school, my oh was fed up and I was obsessed with fighting the school to pull their finger out and do what was right - then over night I said enough was enough and pulled my daughter out of the school (much to their relief I am sure) and she went to another school - it was the best thing I ever did and I wish I had done it sooner

whilst I am a fighter and dont ever want to back down from what I believe it right, there has to be a point where you just say, it's not worth it, time to move on and focus on having a happy life.

as for the bully and her family, well, they continue to be the scum that they are and now and again we see them, for some reason the mother has never said anything to me but she is the type to come knocking on your door for a fight, maybe she knows I will smack her one if she comes near me

my daughter happy, we are happy and that's the most important thing

Mojisola

poe.tuesday wrote: »

after a year of doing this I realised it had taken over our lives, my daughter was not happy at the school, my oh was fed up and I was obsessed with fighting the school to pull their finger out and do what was right - then over night I said enough was enough and pulled my daughter out of the school (much to their relief I am sure) and she went to another school - it was the best thing I ever did and I wish I had done it sooner

whilst I am a fighter and dont ever want to back down from what I believe it right, there has to be a point where you just say, it's not worth it, time to move on and focus on having a happy life.

Unfortunately, this is often the only way to resolve the problem. While so many teachers continue to deny that bullying happens in their schools or try to say that the problem is with the victim rather than confront the bully, it is the line most parents will take - for the good reasons you state.

It's grossly unfair and it just leaves the bully in place ready to move onto the next victim. Often schools completely fail to deal with the issue because most of the families that these bullies come from are not pleasant, rational people who will work with the school. The bullies have learnt their behaviour from their home life and schools don't like having to deal with this type of parent.

gardner1

older sister,cousin,friend etc to go and lamp the bullies would be my advice never mind the schools wishy washy way of dealing with it

meritaten

you are so right mojisola - the victim leaves the school and the bully feels vindicated and 'big' and goes on to bully even more people - until they run up against someone who pulls them down a peg or three! whether this is a school which WILL NOT tolerate bullying or someone who just kicks the !!!!! out of them is a toss up! either way at some point they end up having a big reality check - or they just end up a little hitler and bully all their lives (known a few of those). but what goes around comes around and I firmly believe they get whats coming to them at some time!

Any News Kipper? did your DD enjoy her week away?

his_wife

i am getting on a bit now, but i was bullied all through out school, for being quiet, for being small, for being clever, i was a target, was very thin, small and quiet at school, a bullies target!!!!, my best day of school was the day i left!!!! It then took me to the age of 32 to find my voice to stand up for myself (thanks to my ex husband).

Last year my 14 yr old daughter came home from school in tears, an older boy had threatened to stab her, rape her and bury her on the moores!!!! he is of a different race. I contacted the school there answer was,,, such and such is a nice boy, from a nice family, he leaves school shortly so we shall just leave it be, and u can take your daughter out of school early untill he leaves!!!!

Because i was bullied throughout school, no way was i going to let my children be bullied, i went to the school, insisted on speaking to a head, demanded something got done, her answer was,well what is it you would like me to do, so i pulled out my mobile and called the police, i told the police that i wanted his home visiting and his parents informing of what a horrible child they had, and insisted the police scared him, which they did,,,when i seen a picture of the boy i was mortified he was 6 foot three, my daughter is five stone ringing wet and five foot tall

However, thanks to the police intervention he never carried out his threat, he even had the knife in school with him.

Nobody has the right to bully anyone else, and everyone has the right to an education, all i will say is, once the bully goes to big school she will become the victim. Hope all goes well for your daughter, and keep positive

his_wife

the reason i point out to the boy being of a different race was, if my 14 yr old daughter tried to make a comment back to him he told her he would get her for racial harrassment, and all his little friends followed suit.

I couldnt ask her older brothers to back her up as they too would be charged with racial harrassment.

In my eyes a bully is a bully regardless of creed and colour

emmaanddave

If things are happening outside of school and parents are turning up on your doorstep then def phone the police as they can deal.

Plans_all_plans

I think most children go through a period of being ostracised from a group at some point or another, whether that be for a day, a week, a year etc. How is your daughter feeling about the whole thing? Does she mention this other girl's behaviour every day? I know it's hard, but I'd be careful not to let her think of herself too much of a victim - even though she is. If she gets into a 'victim mindset' these issues may continue long into secondary school, just with different people picking on her.

I was bullied in primary school, but by the time I got to secondary school if people would try to push me out, I'd just act like I didn't give a damn and carried on with my life. So secondary school went well for me on the whole. You need to be careful that you don't go into the school over every little incident once she starts secondary school, as that will worsen the situation in my opinion. Obviously if she is the victim of a targeted and sustained campaign then you need to get it sorted, but I wouldn't rush up to school over the first incident if you notice it starting again in senior school, try to work on your DD's self-esteem and get her involved in new and different things to get her a wider social circle.

My sister was picked on by a group of girls in her form for quite some time, my mum had been up to the school over it, but nothing was done. This one day they started on her again and in the end the whole class (this was in about year 8) started shouting "we hate xxxx, we hate xxxx, xxxx smells, xxxx is horrible etc etc" and started dancing round the form room. In the end my sister snapped and flew at the ringleader, giving her a good beating. They wanted to suspend my sister from school as the other girl was hurt, but my mum hit the roof and threatened the school with all sorts if they suspended my sister. She argued that if it wasn't for their inaction, my sister would have never have been in a position where violence was the answer. In the end she wasn't suspended and no-one from that group of bullies even looked at her sideways from that day onward.

Ihatecameron

She argued that if it wasn't for their inaction, my sister would have never have been in a position where violence was the answer.

I noticed when it is one pupil that has problems, the school takes the stance that they must be to blame for not fitting in etc, but they take great interest when the victim becomes the aggressor.
Made me wonder if there is some favouritism at work, anyway a good a55 whooping soon sorted them out.