Can anyone help us stop our daughter being bullied

Savvy_Sue

Why not ask the headteacher if it is possible for an appeal to be supported by the primary school? If she wants to know why, tell her what the bully is saying.

DCFC79

I hope you get it sorted

Blackpool_Saver

If it is THAT BAD, I would move house and make a fresh start.

kippers

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

If it is THAT BAD, I would move house and make a fresh start.

I wish it was that easy...I have another daughter to consider also who is very very happy with her school and her friends and also my dd that is being bullyed still wants to be with her friends...but don't think we haven't discussed it because we have. We are holding on praying that the bully won't get a place after appeal at the new school, though if she does i think we will have to consider moving but i've got to say we can't afford to so it will mean moving back into a terraced house in a worse area as we have no savings for moving costs..this could mean we will be moving to an area with a worse school which we would have to consider too.

We recd a letter from the head at school yesterday asking for a meeting with me and my daughter. I tried to contact the chap at the LEA who was supposed to arrange a meeting between him, the head and us this week...however i can't get hold of him and his office already told me that he doesn't work on Fridays, so i feel he has let us down too. I'll try him again this am and then we will have to go and see the head on our own. We'll see what the head says and then if its not alot as usual then i think it's time to work towards an official complaint to the govenors and the LEA.

I hope i'm not getting on peoples nerves on here but writing it down helps and your support really makes me feel we are not on our own with this. Thank you

meritaten

sometimes writing it down clarifies things in your own head...........and looking back over your thread may help too.
it may help if you sorted out your timeline of what happened and when. write that down and if you can look up when you went to the teachers/head about your concerns and wrote those dates down too and how you felt about the outcome. record too any phone calls made by you to the school and their response.
TAKE this with you to any meetings!!! I am serious hun, this is an emotional matter for you and unless you actually have written facts to refer to, you may find yourself getting angry or flustered or worse, bursting into tears! (thats happened to me and believe me you have then lost that round!) if you get a bit emotional checking your notes gives you time to compose yourself. dont rely on your memory for dates or times cos if you get it wrong and the head wasnt there, or the teacher was actually off sick at the time, they will think you are making it up. and its not easy dredging up dates from memory if you ARE feeling emotional or put on the defensive.
prepare for the meeting as thoroughly as you would for a court appearance! try to stay calm and even a bit detached.
Know what you want to say, and the order you want to raise points - write it down at the top of your notes! practise it at home.
if you want to run things past anyone - well, I am here and so are many other people on MSE who will help.
You are NOT alone, many of us have gone through this and you have my support for as long as you need it! and NO you are not getting on anyones nerves!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish MSE had been around when I went through this! I am sure things wouldnt have got as bad as they did because the advice given on here is generally very sound!
best wishes
merit


I have just re-read one of your posts kippers - where you say that if the bully denies any wrong doing there is nothing that the school can do - I have learned that this isnt strictly true. the school has a duty of care to each child and a child who FEELS that she is bullied is entitled to this duty of care and the school, her parents and whatever professionals the school/parents agree on can be involved. I am sure that this isnt so in your childs case as
a) she has a witness
b) the bullies mum has now joined in and is harrassing YOU!
you may want to bring this up at the meeting too. although the school will probably say that this is nothing to do with them!

Fang_3

Have you already complained about the school and Head to the LEA and the Governors? Have you spoken to whoever deals with the appeals process so that your point of view and your daughter's feelings are taken into consideration with the secondary school?

kippers

Latest update....we went to the meeting with the head yesterday and it was terrible. We had everything in writing in front of us and we asked the head if she actually believes our dd is being bullied....she wouldn't say either way....The head had told us that the bully has admitted saying "I want to slap her face, she does my flipping head in". We asked what punishment is being taken and was told it was punishment enough that she had to talk to the head teacher

But worse than that...

Her mother lodged a formal complaint to the head on Thurs 17th and to the LEA stating that last Fri (11th) i was staring at the girl that is bullying making her feel uncomfortable and she wants me banned from the playground. Me and my husband obviously told her this wasn't true and asked her why it had taken her so long to complain as it was a serious accusation. Also we pointed to our email to the LEA last weekend (12th) about Friday morning, obviously before her complaint (the head had a copy of this) this is what our email said about Friday morning:

Today (11th March) myself and my DD were a little bit early in the playground as I wanted to talk my DD’s teacher about yesterday’s events. The bully had a group of friends around her; they were constantly looking over at my DD and laughing out loudly. I moved my DD back out of the school gates until the whistle blew to ‘line up’. I spoke to my DD's teacher and told her of this and told her how frustrated I was that my DD should have to deal with this every day.

(I have removed names from this extract and replaced them with 'DD' and the 'bully').

The head teacher told us that she has actually taken advice re banning me but has been told by the LEA that if it's reoccuring them i can be banned but not after just one incident. It absolutely floored me to think they actually believe this false accusation. She was saying that we now need to take it in turns to take the childen in through the office, basically so i'm not in the playground with her daughter ever again...i told the head i won't be going into the playground again as i'm not giving them any reason to accuse me again! I asked the head if she believed the claim as she knew me as I worked at the school for 5 yrs, (i left 3 years ago), and i have been into the school numerous times to help with gardening in the classrooms and helping to take kids to the school allotment loads AND helped for at least five years at ALL school PTFA fuctions - (the bullys mother has done none of that) but she didn't reply.

So it doesn't matter what we say or do we are not being believed and even though the mother came round to our house ranting and raving and made false accusations about me..i am at fault according to the head and the lea.

The head has also arranged a meeting with herself, the girls mother, us and the LEA but i kept saying that i feel that this meeting will be another excuse for lies and false accusations to be thrown at us and i can't see what can come out of it but we feel if we don't go then we will be accused of not helping the situation.

I feel the girls mother is bullying me now...not only did she turn up on our doorstep shouting but she is falsely accusing me of making her dd uncomfortable in the playground.

I am devastated and i feel i have no fight in me anymore. I have cried non stop for 24 hours and i can't seem to eat. I have really let my dd down and she is supposed to be going on the residential on Monday for 5 days and she really wants to go...i feel i daren't even go and see her off in case i look at the bully by mistake or get accused of anything else.

I don't know what else to do now. I didn't handle the meeting very well and i did keep raising my voice (though i did apologise for this as i was so frustrated) and i cried as i couldn't believe that anyone would be so evil as to complain about something i didn't do, my DH was very good though.

I won't see any of the other parents in the playground to natter to now either and I used to enjoy this, it was only small talk but enjoyable when you don't speak to anyone all day.

My DD is still insisting she wants to go the high school that she has got into in Sept, even though we have now told her if the bully does win the appeal or just gets in by being on the waiting list then she will have to move school.

Well that's it for now, thank you for your replies

shellsuit

Oh Kippers that's awful, no wonder you're so frustrated!!


I don't know what to suggest I'm afraid, I just hope it all gets sorted out for you and your daughter x

wongstack

I was bullied from a very young age right up to highschool 13 ish

The only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them, send your daughter to krav maga, it is a martial art but it is very tailored to self defence.

My dad sent me to kickboxing, even though I lost most of the fights at school people quickly learned not to try and bully me.

I don't know what it's like for girls but it used to make me miserable, the sooner she stands up to them the better, hope this helps

little_evo

I've been following your thread kippers and I too am so sorry it didn't go too well with the head. Surely there are teachers out on the playground to see or make sure there are not any problems in the future?

I know it must make you feel completely frustrated with it all and I just wanted to say not to give up. And as for head arranging a meeting between your family and the bullies family, if I were in your shoes it would leave me feeling really uneasy and I do believe I would refuse it as I would not want to put my daughter in the same room with her or her mother. Perhaps give kidscape another call or there should be a place in your local council who can give you advice too. I really hope you can get this sorted kippers and keep your chin up we all are rooting for you.