Can anyone help us stop our daughter being bullied

lindseykim13

Not for everyone but have you thought of homeschooling? Might be a good temporary fix until the move to high school.
http://education-otherwise.org/abouthe.htm

I was bullied at exactly the same age as your dd and unfortuantly it continued through to high school for a further 3years. It results in low self esteem and confidence, it will effect her adult life so she either needs to be removed from the situation or the bully does. Unfortunatly they don't tend to do much about the bullies.

meritaten

hi kippers - YOU are not failing your daughter - the SCHOOL is failing your daughter! The head is obviously thinking that by ignoring the problem it will go away - I hate it when they dont even seem to KNOW what their school anti-bullying policy is, never mind implementing it.
One reason you have had no reply from the LEA is that you havent followed 'Procedure', so their hands are tied. YOU HAVE to have informed the school governers of your dissatisfaction with the Head and given them the opportunity to put matters right! The LEA cannot do a thing unless this has been done! Or so I was told when I complained to MY local LEA - and the charity really should not have said that they would side with the school - the person I talked to at the LEA was most helpful - explained where I had gone wrong and the complaint I made after my son left the school WAS followed up! I dont know if it was directly related but within the year that headmaster had 'retired' early and the deputy head (who just parrotted the headmasters views) DIDNT get the job as head and a new head was brought in - my other son was still at that school and he said that bullies were no longer tolerated and several had been suspended or expelled.
hun, its a minefield making complaints about schools or heads - if you dont follow the correct procedure then you wont get anywhere. I would make sure you get a copy of the complaints procedure and stick to it like glue.
I am sorry your daughter is scared to go to school - I would take her back to your gp and ask if she could be referred for counselling. poor kid! and poor you, I know how it feels!

Savvy_Sue

Sweet_Pea wrote: »

It made me realize that that all the fine sounding guff on the schools website is just that and you really do have to fight to get anywhere. This is from a very popular and oversubscribed church primary. Luckily DD2 is now at a secondary school which has not such a good reputation, but I can't believe the difference in attitude from the school.

Sadly I think they're often the worst! My boys went to schools which had to work to get pupils, and if you raised an issue it was dealt with! The tales I heard from my friends whose children were at oversubscribed schools made my hair curl ...

ukjoel

There are some fantastic small discreet audio recording devices that you could sew into your childs coat or bag (with or without her knowledge)

Nothing quite like a written transcript put in front of a head teacher with the warning that if not acted on within 48 hours the live version with school details may find its way onto youtube.

Previous posts about policies being a paper excercise is accurate at some (but not all schools). They dont want to deal with it because that would mean admitting there is a problem. And of course they dont have problems at their schools.

Have seen several great videos in the last week captured by cyclists of everyday road rage incidents and when the evidence is so in your face the police have no choice but to act.

People may moan about it afterwards and say its underhanded and unfair but your only recording the stuff they say.

Leela

mishkanorman wrote: »

I had a sister and 2 best friends who were bullied through high school, my sister was a year above me at school and had a girl in her class who was bullying her and the girls friends then started joining in. One day we were walking to get our lift home, when 4 of the girls started following us, bully leader was chipping my sisters ankles when sis spun round and with one good punch stuck her on her !!!! in the gutter. I will never forget that day

Ignore this, it didn't happen.

uolypool

OP this makes me so angry:mad: huge hugs for your daughter.My little girl was bullied throughout year 6 by someone who she use to be best friends with.She systematically turned practically the whole class against my daughter and it got to the point that my dd started to self harm.I can feel myself getting both choaked up and angry just thinking about it.Can I ask does the school have an Inclusion worker ? this is who my daughter use to go and see and she dealt with the problems as best she could .The childrens services of our social services was brought in by the Inclusion worker and a case office was assigned to my daughter , she use to come and see her twice a week in school and I have to be honest I dont really have an idea what she discussed with her as Sophie (dd) chose no to tell me .It all calmed down once authority figures was brought in and it turned out to have all started because the girl didn't like the fact that dd had 4 big brothers already at the secondary school they were going to in the September.Sophie still has councilling once a week provided via childrens services and the school.I would be inclined to suggest speaking to the local police to see what they suggest as there has been physical violence.I still feel that I let my daughter down as I wasn't there to protect her .The girl tried to start just once in secondary school and the school came down on her so hard , automatic suspension .The girl has now been on the other foot as a girl in the same year began bullying her following some rumours and I was the person who phoned my daughters bullies mum to let her know that her daughter was being picked on:eek:.Ppl cant believe I did this but I know how rubbish both I and my daughter felt when it was happening to her and I couldnt stand by and see it happen to any other child.

Sid_Wolf

I was bullied at high school, though never told anyone. There were a few different people doing it

by year 9 i'd had enough of the 2 girls, they were sitting in front of me in chemistry one day and the short one said something, and Ijust looked her straight in the eye and said 'well at least i can reach the light switch', as i said it the whole lab had gone silent, so everyone, including the teacher heard it, and they all (teacher included) !!!!ed themselves. She never said a word to me after that

The ringleader of the boys was kicking my bag as i was getting stuff out of my locker, around year 11, and i swung round, grabbed him by his shirt and pinned him against the lockers never had a problem with him either after that

Definately tell your DD to stand up for herself, they see her as a weak, easy target, same as i was for a few years... If she turns around and gives the girl a good slap, i reckon it'll stop

kippers

A bit of good news...the chap from the LEA rang me yesterday to say he is arranging a meeting with him, us and the head teacher to talk it through before the school trip on Monday. Though he did say if there are no witnesses to her mental bullying then there is not a lot the school can do.....but i said to him that my dd's best friend was with her each time it happened and it suddenly made me realise that i have been banging on about the bully denighing it all along but my dd best friend has been with her all the time, even when my dd reports it to the teacher...so my dd does have a witness to the mental bullying and tthe schools anti-bullying states rumours, taunting etc is bullying. The chap from the LEA seemed to brush what i had said aside which makes me wonder if he realised what he had said as, if my dd's best friend is a witness then we have got a very good case against the school not dealing with the circumstances as they have never followed up any of the incidents. We have been brainwashed into believing they do not have enough proof...when there really has been a witness all along! I'm going to ring kidscape and ask if this is enough to put in an official complaint to the LEA/ govenors instead of trying the nice approach with the Education Welfare Officer.

Also, my dd was off school yesterday (as i said in my previous post) and she finally started to do a bit of role playing ie how she can answer back to the bully without being aggressive .ie changing my dd's body language. So that is good news.

I thought if the bullying was denigned by the bully there was nothing we could do, however now the Welfare officer has let out about the witness it has given me some hope.

I feel a lot stronger than i did yesterday after the above events. Thank you for all your replies and support, i will let you know what happens.

Thank you

kippers

I have just heard from a good source that the bullys mother is now appealing to get the bully into the same high school as my dd has got into in Sept...we expected this and had read up about it. But the thing that is concerning me is the child is telling everyone that her teacher is helping her to get into the school...

Can the teacher do this?..especially after everything we are going through with the school?? Can the teacher influence an appeal? I've read that not having friends at the school she has been given is not enough grounds for an appeal (though from what i have managed to find out there were only 4 children that didn't get into the school that my dd will be going to).

I will ask though i'm sure i can't do anything about it...but does anyone know if the school is allowed to help a child 'get in a school' and can i put our case against the child forward to the appeal?

I know the answer deep down but i thought id ask before our meeting with the LEA this week if anyone has any experience in these matters.

By the way we have an appointment with the head of year 7 at my dd new high school on Monday, to discuss our concern re the bullying if she gets in the school

uolypool

Hi again, I have no idea if they can or cant but if the worse happens and she does get into the school that your daughter is going to be going to then you should get a meeting with whoever is head of year 7 and tell them everything that has been going on , it will help they will have a heads up on the situation and will be more likely to monitor it from the very beginning.You might find that once the bully is up in "big" school where she will be a little fish in a big big pond that it will stop as she wont be one of the big ones.do you know anyone who is already at the secondary school that can keep and eye out for your daughter when she starts, just the sight of your daughter being friends with an older kid may be enough to make the bully think twice;)IYKWIM. Good luck with the meeting dont back down and just keep repeating yourself to the man until you are sure he is listening and is going to do something about it.


EDIT have cross posted with you.