Can anyone help us stop our daughter being bullied

Nicki

Nothing useful to add but sympathies as my DS has recently come into the sight lines of one such little cow in his class (also last year of primary) and is being taunted and ostracized in the playground. It's come as a real shock to him as up until then he'd always been popular and happy at school and now he doesn't want to go in and has started sleep walking and showing signs of anxiety at home. Talking to other mums in the playground it seems that this child has form for this, and a number of parents have complained to the school about her when its been their child's turn for this treatment. It does make you wonder what's happening at home to make some children such nasty little bullies.

pinkshoes

kippers wrote: »

I have also told her i am dropping my dd at the school office in the morning and she is not 'lining up' in the playground with the other children in the morning AND i am picking her up at lunch and bringing her home for lunch until the bullying issue is sorted.
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Thinking back 21 years when I was 10... Do you feel the above bit I've quoted is best for your DD? Is it definitely what SHE wants? Personally I would have been mortified to be isolated and singled out in such a way, and would have thought it would make the bullying worse.

Bullies tend to pick on kids due to them being different, or through jealousy.

Does your daughter have any good friends in school who she can hang out with and ignore this other girl?

pimento

My son was bullied until he lamped the kid who was doing it. Funnily enough, it stopped after that.

Counting_Pennies_2

How is she with the other children in the class? Does she have other friends there?

If not I would insist on her being moved to another primary school to finish off her year before going on to her secondary school.

kippers

My DD has friends at the school and a particularly good friend she plays with everyday. The girl who bullies her follows them around so it's difficult for my dd to keep away, though that is what we have told her to do. My dd is also in a different school class so class time is not an issue at all thank goodness.

I have just spoken at length with kidscape who have said the LEA will probably side with the school and we should go down the route of role-playing so my DD can re-act by looking her in the eye and giving a firm and assertive responce that is not hurtful or going my dd in to trouble. We will try.

I have been advised by my doctor to today contact the school nurse who apparently deals with emotional issues and bullying (as well as the usual school nurse things). I will be doimg that this pm.

Regarding bringing her home from school at lunch times....she needs a break from it all as i know she isn't coping well with it...i don't know what else i can do but we will definately start with the role playing...i just hope that the bully doesn't respond by giving my dd a good slapping..but i suppose if she does we will at least be able to finally get something done?

shell_girl

In the last year of primary school kids see themselves as big fish in a little pond- there's always an element of bullying in every class during this year.

I echo what others have said above- you need to keep on with the school in the hope that they'll deal with it. Don't move DD out of the school. If it gets out at secondary school that she was bullied out of primary school then she will have victim stamped on her forehead for the duration- and will probably have another rough time of it from kids who may see her as an easy target.

The most important thing your DD can develop now ( and this isn't nice touchy feely advice, but it worked for me ) is a very very smart mouth. If she can be funny and clever with her mouth then I guarantee the little mare picking on her will be too afraid to do it.

You mentioned that the girl follows your DD around. Ask your DD to wait until there's one or two others around to hear, and to comment loudly ''can't believe so and so is STILL following us round. I'm starting to think she fancies me- she just can't leave me alone" or something as juvenile as "oh god there's that smell again- when we turn around I bet so and so is following us'.

Not nice I know. But I guarantee that if your DD can make one or two other kids snigger at the bully then she will be left alone.

I know in an ideal world the bully would be dealt with by the school, but let's face it, that's not happening, and with just a few months left of the school year it's unlikely to happen.

Now is an ideal time for your DD to make it clear to the world that she is not someone to be picked on.

minerva_windsong

shell_girl wrote: »

In the last year of primary school kids see themselves as big fish in a little pond- there's always an element of bullying in every class during this year.

I echo what others have said above- you need to keep on with the school in the hope that they'll deal with it. Don't move DD out of the school. If it gets out at secondary school that she was bullied out of primary school then she will have victim stamped on her forehead for the duration- and will probably have another rough time of it from kids who may see her as an easy target.

The most important thing your DD can develop now ( and this isn't nice touchy feely advice, but it worked for me ) is a very very smart mouth. If she can be funny and clever with her mouth then I guarantee the little mare picking on her will be too afraid to do it.

You mentioned that the girl follows your DD around. Ask your DD to wait until there's one or two others around to hear, and to comment loudly ''can't believe so and so is STILL following us round. I'm starting to think she fancies me- she just can't leave me alone" or something as juvenile as "oh god there's that smell again- when we turn around I bet so and so is following us'.

Not nice I know. But I guarantee that if your DD can make one or two other kids snigger at the bully then she will be left alone.

I know in an ideal world the bully would be dealt with by the school, but let's face it, that's not happening, and with just a few months left of the school year it's unlikely to happen.

Now is an ideal time for your DD to make it clear to the world that she is not someone to be picked on.

I kind of agree with this, but I would turn it into something slightly more obnoxious like saying "What?" after everything the other girl says, or repeating it back to her, as then it can't get turned into your daughter being accused of bullying.

roadiegirl

shell_girl wrote: »

You mentioned that the girl follows your DD around. Ask your DD to wait until there's one or two others around to hear, and to comment loudly ''can't believe so and so is STILL following us round. I'm starting to think she fancies me- she just can't leave me alone" or something as juvenile as "oh god there's that smell again- when we turn around I bet so and so is following us'.

Not nice I know. But I guarantee that if your DD can make one or two other kids snigger at the bully then she will be left alone.

If this was to be said, the bully could just say that the OP's DD is bullying her, it happened to me. I was bullied from year 3 all the way through to year 8 in high school, and no-one ever helped me except my Mum. I had my hair set on fire, ribs broken, thrown down stairs and was stolen from against many other things. I kept a diary of everything from year 6 onwards, to be told I was 'making it up' and in fact I was the one being the bully etc.
I suggest to get your daughter to keep a diary of every little thing said/done to her, and on a weekly basis show this to you, her class teacher and the head of the school. Get her to read it out to them, and they should (if there any good at there job), be able to hear the fear and anxiety in her voice. Taking her out of school for dinner is a really good idea too!

Reggie_Rebel

Excuse me if I've understood this correctly but you seem to have contacted the school and LEA by letter or email, both of which can be easily ignored.

Sometimes the best course of action is to be a right royal pain in the backside and be in the heads face until something is done, and if it's not done collar the governers and ask to be heard at their next meeting

GEEGEE8

Thank God she is leaving soon.

I also suggest some smart mouthed replies to say back to the bully, but I would expect her mother to be round knocking on your door again.

It's so easy as an adult to think of all the things you would do in that position, but as an 11yr old child it's almost impossible to have the courage to stand up for yourself sometimes.

I strongly suggest the karate classes as said above. Great for confidence, making friends and releasing frustrations and anger.

I would sit with your daughter and try and think up a strategy for the bully. Whether that is a few comments she can say to stand up for herself, or saying the 'what?' after everything.. just something to show she is standing up for herself.

I wouldn't take her home at lunchtime. Is there nobody she can sit with? permission to sit inside and do homework? chess club, music club etc?

Maybe try and fluster the bully by saying when she gets into big school next year then she will be the new girl and if people heard about her being a bully they will pick on her first.