Can anyone help us stop our daughter being bullied

jpwhittle

So sorry to hear what your daughters going through, i hate bullies so much, i was badly bullied from juniors to leaving school, and had some pretty similer experiances to another poster on here, cracked ribs, cracked skull, pushed to the ground and held down untill every member of my class had farted on me. Its awefull and really wish these people would get a different hobby.
At the risk of sounding harsh here, maybe teaching her to ignore them isnt the best approach, My mum always told me to ignore the bullies and tell teacher but that just made things worse for me. Just recently mum told me she wished she'd told me to hit back as it would have only taken once and i would have een left alone. I did hit back once, but i was so frightened as much as the girl left me alone her friends took her place.
I now teach my son to be confident in himself and to fight back when someone starts on him, he recently experianced some nasty little boys even at but he gave back what they were saying to him. I tell him if anyone was to hit him he must hit them back harder. He does get told that if i find out he is bullying he will be in trouble, but if someone comes at him he must stick up for himself. I wont have my children growing up tp be like me at 30, where my past still haunts me. I want him to stand tall and not take any flak from anyone.

System

I really hope things get sorted for your daughter. I was bullied through secondary school and the school were useless and I know have lasting MH problems as a result.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Phone the police next time she heaves her scraggy carcasse onto you property and tell them she's making threats to kill. Then press charges, approach a solicitor to get whatever an injunction is called these days. A few hours in a police cell, being fingerprinted, interviewed and her details being forwarded on to Social Services should make her more annoyed with her brat for getting her into trouble.


And notify the board of governors that a parent is threatening you for reporting her child is bullying yours, so this could well end up in the local papers as you fully intend to have her prosecuted - and will obviously have to provide details of the school's failure to protect your daughter and yourself to the court.

You may find that a little more action is taken.

hellokittygal

I really can sympathise with your DD.
I was bullied throughout primary school and the first 2 years of secondary school.

The bulllying was due to the fact my little brother has special needs and people didn't understand.
I was call 'retard' and '!!!!!!' - words i hate, all because they thought if my brother had special needs then i must have too.
In secondary school, i was constantly laughed at and rumors were spread (none of these children were at Primary school with me)
When my mum spoke to the head teacher, it was brushed aside as i was making a big deal of nothing. They then had to start letting me leave school 20min early as the girls had treated to beat me up.
I left that school as we moved house, but even at my new school, people were cruel all due to my brother having special needs, however it wasn't as bad as my previous school.
I then left and went to college were everything was fine untill i had to leave 30min early one day.
The group of girls (we were doing childcare) wanted to know why i had left early and i explained my little brother bunny was being put to sleep at the vets and he wanted me there (i was already ahead of my work, so the tutor didn't mind me leaving as i had no work to do)
They all started to make fun of me then, and i had 6 months of hell till i left college, again lots of teaseing and name calling.
My mum threatened to go to the paper as the college were failing in 'their duty of care towards me' as the college wouldn't do anything. They then spoke to the main girl involved, but it still continued.
I ended up finishing 6weeks early as i had finished the coursework with all A's, these girls were still there the following September and a few left with no qualification.

All the bullying has left me very insecure and paranoid and i find it very hard to make friends and trust people.
It has, however, made me a stronger person and it has made me even closer to my family.

I'm sorry i can't offer much advice.
It may help to have a girly day with your DD, perhaps it will help to take her mind of things.
I also wouldn't push her to talk about the bullying as it may make her clam up even more, she will come to you when she feels ready.

SDG31000

3 years ago when my DS1 started High School, he was terribly bullied to the extent that he came from from school and told me that he would rather die than go back there. I'd already gone and spoken to his form tutor about it twice and left messges for other teachers. That day I decided that there was no way in Hell that my son was going to end up as one of those poor children that commit suicide due to being bullied.
The next day I went to the school and asked to speak with the Head Teacher or Deputy. On being told that they were too busy to see me, I sat down, took out things I had printed from the KidsScape website and told the receptionists that I had nowhere more important to be and that I was prepared to wait all day if necessary. They were more than a bit taken aback, but I stayed calm and repeated that I wasn't leaving until something was sorted out.
In the end they asked the school councillor to talk to me and she was fantastic, she put things in place to protect DS1 and got the Head of Year on board as well. However I have to be honest and say that the bullying didn't completely stop until DS1 punch one of the bullies back and broke his glasses. I'm against violence in general, but was silently cheering DS1 on when he finally stood up for himself.
So my advice is stick to your guns, make a noise, be as big a pain as necessary and don't get fobbed off. Good luck to you and your DD.

bluenoseam

I know it's already been suggested, but get her off to martial arts classes. It'll give her confidence, improve fitness & discipline and well, it comes with the added benefit of being excellent for dealing with situations like this! I was bullied as a kid - purely because i was a Scot in an English school, i started taking karate classes and you'd be surprised how quickly it stops when the bully realises that suddenly they're very much out-gunned! On top of this, i'd say it's a wise investment for the future as well, personal safety with some of the lunatics running around the streets these days is advisable - no one's saying she's gotta be a regular Jackie Chan, but enough to ensure that anyone overstepping the mark can be put back on the right side of it is helpfull!

Silver_123

My son was bullied by a thug when he was 11, the thug thumped my son, my son fell over, thug kicked him in the head, son had concussion - so - I went to the Govenors, my M.P., had a meeting with the Head and Deputy (their hands were clearly tied in beauracracy), however, I took legal advice - and cross examined the Deputy Head and Head of Year about the incident, and my final question was - have you told the School Govenors - and of course they hadn't, so I did chapter and verse. My M.P. was amazing, Govenors were on the case immediately, I took my son out of school until it was all sorted and the Head phoned me to say thug was on strict curfew so I could rest assured that my son could return safely, and I played what I thought was my trump card and said oh no thank you very much, he won't be attending your school any more, he is going to a school that has a very strict policy on bullying - you're very welcome to the likes of (name of boy) thug. Suffice to say, moving my son to another school was absoutely the best thing I ever did - ok he had to take 2 buses and took more than an hour to go the 11 miles to school - woud I do it again? definitely!!! I'm really sorry for your daughter, she must be feeling terrible, keep talking to her! xx

Ihatecameron

There is only one thing for it, you have to take your daughter to martial arts classes for the next 12 months so she can train up to kick some you know what.

meritaten

hi kippers - I remember your thread about the bullymum and posted on there.
I do know exactly how you feel as a parent of a bullied child - my son was only eleven when the bullying started - in comprehensive rather than Primary and the headmaster was worse than useless! I took all the steps you have taken, I was actually at the school more often than my son was as he became a school refuser for a while. when he WAS there I walked him to school, with the dog............and met him afterwards but unfortunately the bullies knew he went to his nans for dinner so they would get him on his way back! after about a year and half I took him out of that school and we both walked 2 miles to a different school, where they were fantastic with him.

I think you are right to keep her out of the playground - if that is where this little cow gets at her! the residential course may be a problem if the staff are not fully aware of the problem. I would contact the people running the course and inform them of the problem too.

while I think martial arts are brilliant (I did Tae Kwon Do until my back gave out) I cannot honestly recommend it for a child who isnt interested or doesnt want to do it! I remember kids starting the class because their parents wanted them to - and my very sensible sensei used to give the kids a few weeks and if they didnt love it - would have a word with the parents and those kids didnt come any more. Martial arts is difficult, its hard, and it takes a lot of time and dedication to become good enough to defend yourself against even one person. also a child who is being bullied doesnt often like what they see as the violence - sparring can be very physical and people do get hurt. It can also have the opposite effect if the bully learns about the martial arts lessons, it CAN make them more of a target as the bully wants to brag they have beaten up the 'Karate Kid'! so if your daughter DOESNT want to do it I wouldnt push it.
you can build self esteem in other ways, by building on what she is good at and if she doesnt want to go out - then invite her friends over more. have craft parties if she likes crafts, if she likes to do hair, paint nails etc then let them have 'pamper sessions'. build on her friendships and strengthen them with her. just until this bully gets sorted!
when you take her to school in the morning dont just take her in - request a meeting with the head and park your bum, take out a book or knitting and if necessary stay there until you get one! (make sure they are there first). then you ask politely what they are doing about the little cow, sorry bully, you make a damn nuisance of yourself hun! you also write to the governers - a really really long letter detailing every incident and every meeting you had with teachers and the head and say that the bullying is ongoing and you are not satisfied that the school bullying policy is being addressed. point out that your next step is to complain the LEA and that you will if necessary do so THROUGH your solicitor!
the role play idea is good - bullies dont have much imagination and I bet the same phrases come up again and again - learning a few smart answers or how to look pitying and walk away will help your daughter.

Fang_3

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Phone the police next time she heaves her scraggy carcasse onto you property and tell them she's making threats to kill. Then press charges, approach a solicitor to get whatever an injunction is called these days. A few hours in a police cell, being fingerprinted, interviewed and her details being forwarded on to Social Services should make her more annoyed with her brat for getting her into trouble.


And notify the board of governors that a parent is threatening you for reporting her child is bullying yours, so this could well end up in the local papers as you fully intend to have her prosecuted - and will obviously have to provide details of the school's failure to protect your daughter and yourself to the court.

You may find that a little more action is taken.

This.

Send a letter after every single little incident and CC it to the Governors and the LEA. Or better yet make such a nuisance of yourself in person that they'll do everything they can just to make sure you don't start on them again.

Or have the bully's mother's/father's/grandma's/sister's legs broken.;)