Can anyone help us stop our daughter being bullied

kippers

My daughter has been bullied for the last two and half years. The very first thing was a slap across the face which the school dealt with. That night her mother rang me at home and accused my DD of being a liar. As this was the first incident i didn't contact the school. This was the only time the bully has actually hit my DD.

Since then there have been numerous incidents, but always mental bullying, tormenting, starting rumours etc etc. We have been into the school so many times to see the head teacher.

Things had been quiet for a while until approx 1 month ago i posted on here that the bullys mother had turned up on our doorstep shouting at us and our daughter, making my daughter cry.

Two weeks ago they annouced what children got into which seconary school, thank goodness the bully didn't get into my dd school due to distance(though i'm sure her mother will appeal or get a place down the line when children leave)..but the bully is on fire now starting romours saying it's my dd's fault she didn't get in the school as i had sent a letter to the council, sending kids over to my dd saying the she is "going to slap f..king face in" etc etc it is mental bullying over and over again.

I feel the school aren't reassuring my dd or even taking the bullying seriously and i am desparately worried as my dd is on a school residential in a weeks time (which dispite everything she still wants to go). I understand its hard for the school as the bully always denighs everything and actually accuses my dd of doing the mental bullying to her!

On Friday i actually witnessed the bully at work as we were slightly early in the playground...she and here friends kept looking over and pointing at Jane laughing over and over again...it made me really uncomfortable so how it must make my dd feel everyday of her school life is beyond me..so i moved her back out the playground and spoke to her teacher and advised her of what had gone on.

Why should my dd have to go through this.

This weekend I have email the Welfare Eduaction Officer that deals with my dd primary school, to ask for help and i have given him dates of all incidents over the last 2 years. I have written to the head telling her this and quoted parts out of the schools anti-bullying procedure that they have no carried out. I have also told her i am dropping my dd at the school office in the morning and she is not 'lining up' in the playground with the other children in the morning AND i am picking her up at lunch and bringing her home for lunch until the bullying issue is sorted.

I really don't know of anything else i can do. We have done everything by the book, but if the school don't think it is bullying what else can we do? We have done everything by the book but it isn't working.

I am going to ring my dd's doctor today to see if i can talk to them without my dd as she seems to be blocking it all out now and finds it really hard to talk about it, but we know she is suffering and this really really worrys us. She won't take part in any club out of school or play outside now, she is really worrying us...though if you ask her about it she will say she is ok, but we know this isn't the case because she has changed so much at home.

Can anyone pls pls help me to deal with this and get it sorted once and for as we are at our wits end.

onetomany

r bless her you could ring your local comuinty safety team at the police and inform them what is happening maybe they can ask the mum not to come around your house again, also try parent line and childline and nspca for advice sending u a hug i hope this gets sorted fast x

Bloomin_Freezing2

This is at Primary School?!? :eek:

How utterly horrid! Is your DD 8 yrs old? Girls are getting nastier even younger by the sounds of it.

Its clear that the bullying girl is repreating what she's heard her mother say, what a charming family they must be.

This needs to be stopped immediately, if I were you i'd keep taking it as far as you can. Shout as loud as you can to whoever you can until you are heard. Go above as many peoples heads as neccessary.

Does your DD have a circle of friends at school? I hope she's not left to herself. Poor thing. no advice really, i'm just totally shocked by it alll.

ailuro2

I'd get your DD into martial arts - not kickboxing or any of the more "attack" based arts but something that is more useful for self defence, like Ju Jitsu or Judo.

If she's been slapped before she needs to know how to not get slapped the next time. Martial arts are also good for their self confidence, fitness, giving them a hobby to practice that takes their mind off of other stuff.

shellsuit

I thought this was high school kids, but junior school???!

If it were me, I'd remove my child until I knew she was going to feel safe in school and the bully was dealt with properly.

If the school don't think any bullying is going on, are they saying your daughter is a liar and it's all in her mind?? What have the school actually done?

Caroline_a

You should log every single incident, and include your daughter in the logging procedure so that she will also tell you about anything that happens. Particularly nasty is the mother becoming involved - that should be a police reporting incident as others have said.

When you have a catalogue of incidents, send it to the head, copying in the Director of Education at the council and your local MP, asking what the head proposes to do about this. Hopefully that should rattle a few cages.

kippers

Thank you for your quick replies. My DD is 11 yrs old and it's her last year at primary school. Also we have logged all the major incidents but i wish we had logged all the little ones too now.

Also when her mother came round to yell at us we did 'log' it with the police to cover ourselves if something else happened.

I am going to contact 'kidscape' today, an anti-bullying helpline to see if they can help us.

As regards to martial arts, this last week we have begged her and her sister to join a karate club but both of them have refused point blankly...we have tried all ways to convince them, however as said previously my dd2 just refuses to do anything out of school now due to the bullying.

It is affecting the whole familiy now and we are so frustrated with it all. In this day and age there is so much information about bullying...so why can't we stop what is happening to our DD?

scooby088

I am sorry if this is of no use to OP but i was bullied at school some 20 years ago this was in senior school, when i told my mother the next morning she confronted the kid that was doing it and told him in no uncertain terms not to do it again, she also gave me a slap and said i won't be here next time to help you out. This does sound extreme and not on nowadays, but it showed me to be independant and take care of bullies in my life.

Hoof_Hearted

Ex-headteacher, so I do know what I am talking about.

Too many schools have policies that are just paper exercises. They are composed and forgotten. I always used to say to the children that no matter what they were good at, they had a right to be happy in school.

It does sound like your daughter's school have not done enough to protect your daughter. It is difficult because bullies are sly and then it is one person's word against another. However, I knew every child in my school and I would have a pretty good idea about who was the victim and who the aggressor. All staff should be on alert, particularly those on the playground and in the dining area, to try to catch the bully in the act.

Bullying has to have an ongoing element and this is certainly the case with your daughter. You have my sympathy.

Are they in the same class? Are they picking on one thing or is it just general nastiness? I think it would be good to build up your daughter's self-esteem as with persistent bullying the victim can start to believe there is something wrong with him/her.

You are right to pressurise the school. What head's hate is problems going outside, so contacting the people you indicate is a good idea as you have not had a response from the school. You could even ask a solicitor to write a letter saying that the school have failed in their duty of care and that they must remedy the situation forthwith. That should get them moving.

As the bully seems to be fully supported by her obnoxious mother, there is little point in confronting her. However, if the mother confronts you again, I would contact the police.

This is a very sad way to end primary school.

gingin_2

I really feel for you and your family, Kippers and it's hard to add to the already good advice. If it were me, I would make myself such a nuisance that it was easier to deal with the problem, rather than ignore it. Even if it meant daily meetings/ updates from the class teacher/ head.

With regards to the residential trip, I would have a meeting beforehand with the teacher to make sure that dd is kept as seperate as possible from the bully. I know ds was in rooms of 4 or 6 on his residential trip with a teacher in a room next door.

How likely is it that the bully will get a place in the senior school if places have already been allocated? I hope she can move on, in peace.

Girls can be pure evil at that age. I had my name and phone number plastered on railway bridges and phone boxes at that age, offering sex for free, by a girl in my class. It took weeks of phonecalls before someone confessed they knew why. All because I had got into a very good school and they hadn't.

duchy

I can't believe you've let this go on so long before contacting kidscape tbh.

Get the govenors of the school involved and the LEA . Don't go in angry-stay very calm and controlled but make it clear you are NOT going away. Quote their own bullying guidelines at them -too many schools pay lip service to them but don't follow them. Beat them with their own stick. Make sure any communications not in writing are followed up with a letter confirming conversations -a paper trail helps as schools know they can't then say they didn't know or misunderstood. Local councillers and MPs can be useful too.