Can anyone help us stop our daughter being bullied

meritaten

blue_monkey wrote: »

Sometimes the Govoners do not help the situation.

I would also consider going back to the police and reporting her now for harrassment. If you have already reported her once then it should not be too hard to do. She is telling people at the school you are what....? Looking at her child and trying to get you banned from the playground? Go and speak to the police officer you did before as you might be able to get them involved and she will realise the seriousness of it all.

Good luck.

while you are right that govenors don't always help, they DO have to be informed of the situation and given the CHANCE to put it right!
it certainly doesnt hurt to seek legal advice in the meantime.
but in my area a complaint to the LEA will NOT be dealt with unless the proper procedure is followed - complaint to school then complaint to governors. only when this fails will the LEA look into matters...........and tbh its a bit of a postcode lottery whether the LEA looks out for the interests of the child or the school!

It may not hurt the OP to make another complaint to the police, but on the other hand if the police DO get involved, the school may well abdicate responsibility and refuse to get involved at all as it is deemed a 'police matter'. as I said before, its a bit of a minefield and sometimes you can do wrong by trying to do the right thing!

right now, I think I am more worried by how upset Kippers is! It really hurts to be told you have been accused of intimidating a child and the school looking to ban you from the playground (that would mean premises too obviously, so how they expect that to work I have no idea? how on earth would she attend school plays, parent evenings etc?).

Kippers hun, chin up - YOU havent done anything wrong! If you are worried about DD then phone the venue where she is and explain the situation to THIER staff. I am sure they will be able to reassure you - or will let you know if you need to worry!

Anacrusis

This is so awful, I'm so sorry you and your DD are having such a tough time.

What I would do in that situation is weigh up whether being part of that particular school is worth the stress it's putting on your family... I know it's frustrating and terribly sad to be forced out of somewhere you loved being a part of due to someone being nasty, but is it worth staying? There are other schools, and of course home education, which I think someone else already mentioned. (Your daughter could still stay in touch with friends from this school in the afternoons and evenings.)

I hope things work out for you and your daughter, whatever you decide to do x

kippers wrote: »

Latest update....we went to the meeting with the head yesterday and it was terrible. We had everything in writing in front of us and we asked the head if she actually believes our dd is being bullied....she wouldn't say either way....The head had told us that the bully has admitted saying "I want to slap her face, she does my flipping head in". We asked what punishment is being taken and was told it was punishment enough that she had to talk to the head teacher

But worse than that...

Her mother lodged a formal complaint to the head on Thurs 17th and to the LEA stating that last Fri (11th) i was staring at the girl that is bullying making her feel uncomfortable and she wants me banned from the playground. Me and my husband obviously told her this wasn't true and asked her why it had taken her so long to complain as it was a serious accusation. Also we pointed to our email to the LEA last weekend (12th) about Friday morning, obviously before her complaint (the head had a copy of this) this is what our email said about Friday morning:

Today (11th March) myself and my DD were a little bit early in the playground as I wanted to talk my DD’s teacher about yesterday’s events. The bully had a group of friends around her; they were constantly looking over at my DD and laughing out loudly. I moved my DD back out of the school gates until the whistle blew to ‘line up’. I spoke to my DD's teacher and told her of this and told her how frustrated I was that my DD should have to deal with this every day.

(I have removed names from this extract and replaced them with 'DD' and the 'bully').

The head teacher told us that she has actually taken advice re banning me but has been told by the LEA that if it's reoccuring them i can be banned but not after just one incident. It absolutely floored me to think they actually believe this false accusation. She was saying that we now need to take it in turns to take the childen in through the office, basically so i'm not in the playground with her daughter ever again...i told the head i won't be going into the playground again as i'm not giving them any reason to accuse me again! I asked the head if she believed the claim as she knew me as I worked at the school for 5 yrs, (i left 3 years ago), and i have been into the school numerous times to help with gardening in the classrooms and helping to take kids to the school allotment loads AND helped for at least five years at ALL school PTFA fuctions - (the bullys mother has done none of that) but she didn't reply.

So it doesn't matter what we say or do we are not being believed and even though the mother came round to our house ranting and raving and made false accusations about me..i am at fault according to the head and the lea.

The head has also arranged a meeting with herself, the girls mother, us and the LEA but i kept saying that i feel that this meeting will be another excuse for lies and false accusations to be thrown at us and i can't see what can come out of it but we feel if we don't go then we will be accused of not helping the situation.

I feel the girls mother is bullying me now...not only did she turn up on our doorstep shouting but she is falsely accusing me of making her dd uncomfortable in the playground.

I am devastated and i feel i have no fight in me anymore. I have cried non stop for 24 hours and i can't seem to eat. I have really let my dd down and she is supposed to be going on the residential on Monday for 5 days and she really wants to go...i feel i daren't even go and see her off in case i look at the bully by mistake or get accused of anything else.

I don't know what else to do now. I didn't handle the meeting very well and i did keep raising my voice (though i did apologise for this as i was so frustrated) and i cried as i couldn't believe that anyone would be so evil as to complain about something i didn't do, my DH was very good though.

I won't see any of the other parents in the playground to natter to now either and I used to enjoy this, it was only small talk but enjoyable when you don't speak to anyone all day.

My DD is still insisting she wants to go the high school that she has got into in Sept, even though we have now told her if the bully does win the appeal or just gets in by being on the waiting list then she will have to move school.

Well that's it for now, thank you for your replies

meritaten

hi kippers, feeling better today hun?
nothing really to add, but you havent posted for a couple of days so I hope this means that no news is good news!

kippers

Hi meritaten, thanks for asking.

My dd has sent me a text the last two nights just to say she is really missing us and loves us. She hasn't said whether she is enjoying the residential or not, but she hasn't said much really, probably because i told her to keep the mobile out of site as we were told they mustn't take mobiles on the trip.

We have asked the school for my dd's education record to find out what has actually been logged re the bullying (thanks to the advice given by the 'Childrens legal centre-thanks blue-monkey)...they also advised us that the child's safety would need to be threatened for the school to be able to ban me from the playground as i didn't 'stare at her to make her uncomfortable' then the school doen't have a leg to stand on even though staring isn't classed as 'threatening behaviour' anyway. A couple of things we have thought of since....if the child was so uncomfortable and upset then why didn't she tell the teacher on duty that morning and why did it take 6 days to report it?

The school has arranged the meeting between the head, the LEA, us and the girls mother on Monday. We think this will be a fruitless meeting but the legal centre advised us to go to show willing. We have asked for the meeting to be minuted. My DH will do all the talking in the meeting as he is good at remaining calm, as i feel i will cry and my raise my voice like i did at the last meeting. If nothing comes out of the meeting then we will put a formal complaint into the govenors and then the LEA. We have decided that however bad it becomes we are not going to let it drop. We understand our dd will probably have left the primary school before it is sorted but we do not want anyother child to go through what our dd has had to.

I feel quite ill now with it all and am struggling to get through each day.

Wish us luck with the meeting.

SDG31000

The best of luck kippers, I hope it goes well.

Krzrgirl

I read through your posts and replies late last night and just had to add my support. No family should have to go what you are all going through.
My youngest son was a victim of school bullying and still is on a lesser scale, but we are managing it in different ways and it seems to suit him.
I occasionally look at this website bullying co uk. If you hover on "Parent" tab, then "Make a Complaint", click on "Governors and LEAs" there are some tips/advice there that may help you out at your meeting.
Another suggestion on this site is contact OFSTED. There is an example of a letter that you could use as a template.

It is no surprise you are feeling so down. This monster has taken over your life and your family and you are feeling that no help and support is forthcoming. Well, keep on battling because you are doing everything right and you will get results. Keep believing in yourself.

I do hope that your daughter has had an uneventful school trip. She obviously loves you and knows that you love her and that is what makes all this heartache worth it in the end.

Good luck.

meritaten

thanks for the update kippers!
I really hope the meeting goes well. and If your OH can do the talking all the better (btw you havent said how HE is coping with this? some men find it really upsetting that they cant protect their DD - others take a different view and think its all part of growing up).

good for you telling her to take her moby even though she isnt supposed to - sometimes rules just HAVE to be broken!

Hun, please dont put your OWN health at risk over this - your DD only has a few months to go and tbh most of those will be taken up with holidays, inset days etc. I am not saying to give up - I am sure that the school will be more vigilant about your DD despite the attitude they currently display to YOU! to pursue it when your daughter actually leaves the school could be a long drawn out process - but of course its up to you! and the fact you are unwilling to let another child/family go through this is heartwarming, goes to show what a nice person you are!!!
as always, I am available if you want to PM me.

little_evo

Like everyone is saying thanks for the update kippers and please let us know how you get on with the meeting and if you feel like you're struggling through your day we are here for you!:)

Fang_3

kippers wrote: »

Hi meritaten, thanks for asking.

My dd has sent me a text the last two nights just to say she is really missing us and loves us. She hasn't said whether she is enjoying the residential or not, but she hasn't said much really, probably because i told her to keep the mobile out of site as we were told they mustn't take mobiles on the trip.

We have asked the school for my dd's education record to find out what has actually been logged re the bullying (thanks to the advice given by the 'Childrens legal centre-thanks blue-monkey)...they also advised us that the child's safety would need to be threatened for the school to be able to ban me from the playground as i didn't 'stare at her to make her uncomfortable' then the school doen't have a leg to stand on even though staring isn't classed as 'threatening behaviour' anyway. A couple of things we have thought of since....if the child was so uncomfortable and upset then why didn't she tell the teacher on duty that morning and why did it take 6 days to report it?

The school has arranged the meeting between the head, the LEA, us and the girls mother on Monday. We think this will be a fruitless meeting but the legal centre advised us to go to show willing. We have asked for the meeting to be minuted. My DH will do all the talking in the meeting as he is good at remaining calm, as i feel i will cry and my raise my voice like i did at the last meeting. If nothing comes out of the meeting then we will put a formal complaint into the govenors and then the LEA. We have decided that however bad it becomes we are not going to let it drop. We understand our dd will probably have left the primary school before it is sorted but we do not want anyother child to go through what our dd has had to.

I feel quite ill now with it all and am struggling to get through each day.

Wish us luck with the meeting.

Good luck.

Would it be possible for you to go and see a solicitor and have a letter drafted up informing the other parent of legal action against her and her daughter? You could give it to her in the meeting. That would show the horrid creature that you mean business and hopefully scare the crap out of her!

Ihatecameron

I had a similar problem but my approach was based on no tact or diplomacy, I warned the head that I was going to take action. I contacted the police who got involved and had a polite word with the head, I think they visited the school two or three times. I threatened to sue the school for lack of security, there was no fencing or gates to prevent kids from leaving the school grounds, it was open plan and worse still, no one to stop them leaving which was pretty bad for a junior school. My boy ended up being virtually run off the school grounds on 2 occasions, then the police had to find him, whisky 99 to the rescue, big police hunt.

Long story short as I can make it, the school had to install fencing at great expense, the school guvnors had to supervise the grounds as the teachers couldn't be asked over some dispute about not getting a tea or lunch break.

Anyway 6 mts of martial arts lessons and my boy got his revenge, the bullies were afraid to go near him after that, but that still did not stop them, they started shouting abuse from a safe distance, this is what led to their downfall and provided the proof that the school needed as everyone could hear what was being said and they were immediately excluded for a week, next time it would be a month and so on.

Indirectly the bullies had cost the school a lot of money, the head was not happy about having to deal with the police and the guvnors and my threats of legal action, so the bullies were dealt with very harshly in the end for the trouble they had caused. None of them were accepted for 1st choice schools, some got to 2nd and 3rd choice schools and the ring leader was declined by all 3 schools.

The moral of the tale is shout from the roof tops, no one likes adverse publicity or being in the spotlight, by the time I finished with the head, he was shtting himself in case anything happened to my son. Put it this way, order was restored. :rotfl: