Estate agent speak - the translation

anoneemouse

I'm having a bit of a look round to see if I can find a better house. It has been quite some time since I got my current one.

I've only just started - but realised that estate agents obviously still speak a different language to the rest of us.

So far:
- Our costs to sell your place are 1.5% = We deliberately forgot to mention that there is VAT on top of that, so add another 20% onto the cost we just told you

- No photo of the front of the house provided = There's something wrong with the front of the house and we don't want you to see it until you turn up (eg no front garden shown means there isnt a front garden - even though its a bungalow and bungalows ALWAYS have front gardens)

- Some very "creative" descriptions for a room.

- Not mentioning that the back garden isnt actually a "proper" back garden - ie it had a fence enclosing it and clearly belonged to the house concerned = the house was built on a steep hill and the so-called back garden is largely a bit of scrap land the builder threw in on top of a very very tiny indeed "proper" back garden, because he couldnt think of any way to build anything else on it, but most of the so-called back garden is far too steep for the owner to be able to do anything with it

- Tucked away = Probably means the front garden is missing and access is difficult, because the house is down some sort of alleyway and built on a bit of scrap land or someone else's back garden.



That's what I've put in my "dictionary of estate agent speak" so far. To save me wasting any more time/energy on visiting houses that simply arent good enough for anyone - has anyone else got further examples of "estate agent speak" to bring me back up to speed on the language they use? Misleading descriptions of houses you've actually inspected would also be useful.

spirit

From recent experience

Needs TLC

Is a full blown project probably needing rewiring, new boiler, windows, new kitchen and bathroom and then decorating.

tlc to me means a good old clean and redecorate.

Deceptively spacious

Looks really grotty from the outside and the only way to entice you in.

Has potential

is a wreck needing more than TLC

anoneemouse

You are adding to my vocabulary - thank you.

I've realised "of interest to builders" = no-one in their right mind would want it. Maybe it even needs knocking down and start afresh.

Houses there costing a lot less than equivalent ones in other areas = Stay inside your house and double-lock it (the area is that bad).

Houses there costing a lot more than other areas = It's my sort of area, but I probably can't afford it.

Any more "translations" please?

betmunch

They probably didnt mention the VAT as their fee as its not their fee is it?

Fairs fair!

anoneemouse

Hello Mr Estate Agent (as I assume you are one).

I thought that if I point out to the estate agent concerned that it was a bit "misleading" to say that 1.5% is their selling fee and not mention VAT that they would start playing with words and say that "We told you 1.5% is our fee and that is accurate" and ignore the fact that the question the customer is asking them would perhaps be more accurately phrased as "What costs would I be charged for selling my house through you?". At that point then they would have to admit that VAT came on top of their quoted figure and stop accidentally-on-purpose forgetting to mention that.

So, that means that when I ask an estate agent their fee that I have to be equally "careful" in how I phrase my question - so that they answer the question, rather than take advantage of the exact wording of the question.

In that case then, I had better phrase the question as "What will be the FULL costs of selling my house through you?", then they cant duck out of answering the question properly by "misunderstanding" it.

What other questions do I need to phrase very "carefully" in order to avoid them answering them with anything but "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" please?

kingstreet

If an agent does something as daft as not putting a photo of the front on the particulars, they shouldn't be in business. The first thing you will see when you go to the property is whatever they've desperately tried to avoid showing you!

martindow

If an EA says that their fee is 1.5% with no mention of VAT it does not seem unreasonable to assume that is the gross figure. On a 200k house I would get the solicitor to pay them 3000. Being VAT registered they would put this through their books as 2500 +VAT. Would they chase the difference of a few hundred pounds?

Paul_the_Painter

Corporate Client = Repo

No Upper Chain - 3 bed or larger = repo

No Upper Chain - 1 or 2 bed = Buy-to-let repo

No Upper Chain and patterned carpets = previous owner now dead - or in a home

Reduced for Quick Sale = will be repossessed next month

Estate Agents For Some Reaon Seem To Think That They Need To Capitalise Words and Phrases Where It Is Simply Not Required

In Our Opinion = In the agents/owners opinion - but no one elses

Alter_ego

betmunch wrote: »

They probably didnt mention the VAT as their fee as its not their fee is it?

Fairs fair!

It's included in the price of almost everything else though!
VAT is never actually "Part of the price" it's a tax!

anoneemouse

Paul_the_Painter wrote: »

Corporate Client = Repo

No Upper Chain - 3 bed or larger = repo

No Upper Chain - 1 or 2 bed = Buy-to-let repo

No Upper Chain and patterned carpets = previous owner now dead - or in a home

Reduced for Quick Sale = will be repossessed next month

Estate Agents For Some Reaon Seem To Think That They Need To Capitalise Words and Phrases Where It Is Simply Not Required

In Our Opinion = In the agents/owners opinion - but no one elses

Bit more added to my "vocabulary". Thank you.

I hadn't realised "no upper chain" might mean repo. I assumed all repossessed houses went through auctions.

Good to hear what "reduced for quick sale" means. I suppose one other possibility is "We're getting divorced and we need to share out the assets quickly"??

I've realised how to tell from photos that the house was owned by an old person - hence the owner is dead or in a home. Old-fashioned wallpaper, old-fashioned fire, old-fashioned kitchen, gravel instead of grass in the garden, handrails in the garden. I'll add patterned carpets to the list.

readytofly

this is a useful thread! i shall be checking back to see what else is added