Estate agent speak - the translation

spirit

The house I offered on yesterday is an 'Assisted sale'. I'm told that the bank own it but the previous owners names will be on the contracts.

I'm also told that this is the stage before repo where perhaps the owners have handed in their keys first.

Unless anyone here knows different?

Strapped

Paul_the_Painter wrote: »

Corporate Client = Repo

No Upper Chain - 3 bed or larger = repo

No Upper Chain - 1 or 2 bed = Buy-to-let repo

No Upper Chain and patterned carpets = previous owner now dead - or in a home

Reduced for Quick Sale = will be repossessed next month

Estate Agents For Some Reaon Seem To Think That They Need To Capitalise Words and Phrases Where It Is Simply Not Required

In Our Opinion = In the agents/owners opinion - but no one elses

In Our Opinion = not a statement of fact, so you can't sue us later

shortchanged_2

Internal viewing essential = It looks like Sh*t on the outside but is passable on the inside.

Priced to sell = We are desperate to get rid of this one (For the life of me I can't think of a house that isn't priced to sell!)

I have another viewing later = I think I might sucker this one in.

shortchanged_2

Good decorative order = It was last decorated about 25 years ago but at least is clean. Get your paint and paper strippers ready and you might want to change the avacado bathroom suite.

anoneemouse

Another useful aspect to this would be translating vendor-speak - eg that they are trying to hide the real reason for sale (because its something you won't like either) - eg neighbours from hell or redevelopment due nearby. Redevelopment could always be spotted by regular reading of the local paper. Neighbours from hell might be rather more difficult for a potential purchaser to spot though - as there might not be obvious signs such as a garden full of chucked-out furniture, etc.

anoneemouse

shortchanged wrote: »

Good decorative order = It was last decorated about 25 years ago but at least is clean. Get your paint and paper strippers ready and you might want to change the avacado bathroom suite.

Is there a euphemism for "kitchen needs ripping out and replacing"?

The_Drama_Llama

It is always wise to bear in mind the following 'joke' (it's funny cos it's true)

How can you tell when an EA is lying?
His/her mouth is moving

My funniest EA speak incident recently was the one who said, without irony, that the £300k house I was looking at was 'prefect for a FTB'. He then expressed surprise when I pointed out that a FTB would need a £60k deposit and be earning £80k per year to be able to buy the sh*tty house which needed totally gutting and starting again with he was trying to offload onto me.

The_Drama_Llama

anoneemouse wrote: »

Another useful aspect to this would be translating vendor-speak - eg that they are trying to hide the real reason for sale (because its something you won't like either) - eg neighbours from hell or redevelopment due nearby. Redevelopment could always be spotted by regular reading of the local paper. Neighbours from hell might be rather more difficult for a potential purchaser to spot though - as there might not be obvious signs such as a garden full of chucked-out furniture, etc.

When you use the price comparison page on RM it shows you lettings available in the street you're interested in. Very handy in my neck of the woods (Brighton) as it clearly shows the streets full of student houses.

betmunch

anoneemouse wrote: »

Hello Mr Estate Agent (as I assume you are one).

I thought that if I point out to the estate agent concerned that it was a bit "misleading" to say that 1.5% is their selling fee and not mention VAT that they would start playing with words and say that "We told you 1.5% is our fee and that is accurate" and ignore the fact that the question the customer is asking them would perhaps be more accurately phrased as "What costs would I be charged for selling my house through you?". At that point then they would have to admit that VAT came on top of their quoted figure and stop accidentally-on-purpose forgetting to mention that.

So, that means that when I ask an estate agent their fee that I have to be equally "careful" in how I phrase my question - so that they answer the question, rather than take advantage of the exact wording of the question.

In that case then, I had better phrase the question as "What will be the FULL costs of selling my house through you?", then they cant duck out of answering the question properly by "misunderstanding" it.

What other questions do I need to phrase very "carefully" in order to avoid them answering them with anything but "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" please?

You assume wrong then, although I do work for a Corporate Estate Agents.

Fact is this, its a tax, its not their fee.

Now, if you had said they had tried to hide a withdrawal fee, or admin costs I would have said they were in the wrong.

more_money_for_me

Close to all transport links = backs onto the railway, or fronts onto an A road or both.

Many original features = It's very dated

Rare opportunity = last owner for 40 years so hasn't been on market for a long while. (may be combined with terms like light renovation, project etc)

Early viewing recommended = we haven't much else to say, surely someone must want a viewing?


As far as the VAT thing, I agree with the OP. It is reasonable to expect that VAT is included, I have just been to Sainsburys, and when they rung up a total they didn't then add VAT. Ex VAT prices work in business to business situations, where both will likely be VAT registered, but this is primarily a retail market.

Love the thread get the feeling it could run and run.