Will he ever change?

Mojisola

If her carer left her and you weren't around, your mother's care would be organised by others. Please don't get sucked in again - you must have done a lot of caring for her when you were a child.

You are still young and have plenty of time to live your life for yourself and your children. The rest of your life is yours. Make the break and don't get together with anyone else who isn't worthy of you.

Supernatural

Good on you, you are being very brave, and I wish you the very best of luck x

ailuro2

Aimee'smum, well done for coming to that decision - even if it's next month rather than this month because you need to plan, as long as you think you're safe enough then keep planning! Remember to clear your history and to change passwords for your own personal sites to something your partner won't guess.

Have you considered telling now would get it all out in the open, and hopefully any court case would be finished before your kids were old enough to realise what is going on?

Your mother would get help with her care if you're not there to do it... how do you think older people without families cope? People who need care do actually get it, and hopefully she'd have a care team who would do something about those bedsores...

Once again, good luck, stay safe, be very careful and don't let anything slip in the meantime if you think there's the slightest chance your partner might turn nasty.

shelley_crow

Have you got any close friends, or maybe even a sympathetic boss who can stash money/clothes/documents/kids favourite teddies for you? If he is home all the time you will have to resort to sneaking things out as you go. Clothes are replaceable, documents (birth certificates, bank cards, passports) are invaluable.

You are making the right choice for your sake and the sake of your kids, no-one on earth could dispute this based on what you have told us. Outwit this @rsehole and leave him to squander his life while you get on with yours.

If ANYTHING happens and you need to leave before then just go, your family's safety comes first and possessions can be recovered with police assistance at a later date.

belfastgirl23

With regard to your mum, do whatever it is that helps you to get out of there. Whether it's lying or telling the truth or doing nothing. Whatever gives you the ability to leave the current situation is justifiable. Just think about what will enable you to leave and do that. No need to confront anything if you don't feel ready to confront it. No need to rock the boat with her care. Whatever it takes to get you and the kids out safe and well.

Good luck!

Money_maker

Well done you - this decision will give your children the chance to grow up in a normal environment.

As to your mother - well, you have carried this for too long, particularly if she has just been turning a blind eye. Who knows how long the 5 years might be, with MS it could be so much longer even if bedbound (speaks from experience).

Just a mention as in are you renting or do you have a mortgage? If the house is yours then you may have to try to get him out at some stage.

You are so brave - please use the information in the post above ^^^^ to prepare yourself just in case you need to make a quick exit. There are always storage facilities for rent if you have no one trustworthy.

Good luck x

FatVonD

tsstss7 wrote: »

OP Please be aware that if you go back to work full time and he takes care of the kids for some or all of that time then he could claim to be the main carer and get residency if you leave in the future - however useless you think he is in the eyes of the court he will be the childrens main carer.

Very good point.

OP, do you get paid sick leave? Would it be worth talking to your GP and getting signed off work for a few weeks to cover the transition of moving to allow you to get your children settled and to take one less worry off your shoulders?

euronorris

I just wanted to say that, if your Mum is still bedridden after 14 years in his care because she is so overweight, then he isn't looking after her well. He is feeding her all the wrong stuff and enabling her to continue her unhealthy lifestyle, most likely because it suits him for to be bedridden. After all, if she can't get out of bed, someone must be supplying her with the food.

I'm so glad to see that you have made the decision to leave and are taking the first steps to making it a reality. I know it still isn't easy, even when you know it's the right thing to do.

As Meritaten said, we are all here for you, so please come on and chat whenever you are feeling weak, or upset, or unsure. We'll help. Always.

xxxx

AimeesMum_2

FatVonD wrote: »

Very good point.

OP, do you get paid sick leave? Would it be worth talking to your GP and getting signed off work for a few weeks to cover the transition of moving to allow you to get your children settled and to take one less worry off your shoulders?

Thank you. I have just self certified for a week and have an appointment on the 8th. Told my health visitor everything and she has been a great support. She has spoken to the doctor who is giving me my appointment and confirmed that he will sign me off for 4 weeks

hitatotatus

I have read your whole thread and wish you well. Just wanted to say well done on your positive actions and hope all runs smoothly, but even if it doesn't I found in this situation that when you are alone and making decisions for yourself it is so much easier than being in the position of always trying to please or second guess someone else - the future is bright, believe me and all the other people in your corner on this site. :A