Will he ever change?

AimeesMum_2

Little update...I moved out :-) it was hard the first few days and night times are lonely but using this time to continue my studies. My daughter seems to be much more settled and hasn't wet herself in 2 weeks so i'm amazingly proud of her and for the first time in ages I feel like the Mum that I was supposed to be. Back to work a week on friday and nervous but excited.

My ex has also been making an effort and has vowed to win me back but I am extremely cautious about this and it would have to be severe changes that lasted a long time before I let him back into my life and I have made a solemn promise to myself and my kids that I will never be dragged down or brought down again in front of them.

It may only have been words to you guys and some words of encouragement to someone you don't know but it helped me get perspective of my life and change it. Thank you x x

pigpen

Well done you!!!!!!!!

I am so pleased you have found happiness and your litle girl is doing so much better too..

Be very careful with X .. he has a long long road to travel.

I hope you see a bright future ahead for you and your little ones... well done *big pat on back*

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

AimeesMum wrote: »

My ex has also been making an effort and has vowed to win me back but I am extremely cautious about this and it would have to be severe changes that lasted a long time before I let him back into my life and I have made a solemn promise to myself and my kids that I will never be dragged down or brought down again in front of them.

Whoa....alarm bells going.

Wanting you back is nothing to do with being short of cash or someone to abuse, is it?

And how can he vow he will 'win you' back? Are you issuing raffle tickets for a pound a strip? Sounds worrying that you are a 'thing' he must possess, and if you do go back to him, he has 'won'.


Be very, very careful here.


Look at your life now and think how would it feel if he had his feet up in your new home, no need to pretend any more, as you've let him back in and he feels that, as he is 'the winner' of this argument, that you must be the loser.

You sure you want this?

BigBlackcat

AimeesMum wrote: »

Little update...I moved out :-) it was hard the first few days and night times are lonely but using this time to continue my studies. My daughter seems to be much more settled and hasn't wet herself in 2 weeks so i'm amazingly proud of her and for the first time in ages I feel like the Mum that I was supposed to be. Back to work a week on friday and nervous but excited.

My ex has also been making an effort and has vowed to win me back but I am extremely cautious about this and it would have to be severe changes that lasted a long time before I let him back into my life and I have made a solemn promise to myself and my kids that I will never be dragged down or brought down again in front of them.

It may only have been words to you guys and some words of encouragement to someone you don't know but it helped me get perspective of my life and change it. Thank you x x

Good for you OP, for making such a positive change!

You have taken back control from your ex. He will try anything to regain that power. Regardless of his diagnoses, your ex is abusive and abusers do not like being stood up to. I'm sure he will be all sweetness and light just to reel you back in again. Be very careful.

Bennifred

Oh well done, AimeesMum! I (and I bet the other readers of this thread) cheered when I read your update. You should be very proud of yourself - it's not easy to make big changes. :j

I do echo what the previous posters have said though - the fact that your Ex wants to "win" you back is very telling use of language. He's probably feeling humiliated by the fact you left, and has something to prove now. I'm sorry, but leopards do not change their spots, even if they pretend to be tabby cats for a while. Please - move on! You've lived with him, and know how that was. There are many wonderful men out there, and if you give yourself the chance one day you'll meet one of them, so don't hobble yourself with your ex. Tell yourself - no going back!

Wishing you well for your (and your daughter's) future happiness.

shelley_crow

AimeesMum wrote: »

My ex has also been making an effort and has vowed to win me back but I am extremely cautious about this and it would have to be severe changes that lasted a long time before I let him back into my life and I have made a solemn promise to myself and my kids that I will never be dragged down or brought down again in front of them.

I am soooo happy for you, the hard part is over. Well done xx

RE: the quote above, this can be translated as, "I know I've lost control, everyone else knows I've lost control and next time I will try harder to grind you down and make sure you don't leave me next time"

Bennifred is exactly right, You've been there and done that hun, move on. There are so many lovely men out there who will treat you and your children like the special people you are and would never subject you to the degradation this vile excuse of a man did. x

hitatotatus

Hi. Thanks for the update - have been thinking of you and knew you would be making positive changes. Well done on sorting everything out so far. :grouphug::grouphug: Hugs and best wishes for your brighter future.

Emmzi

I am really proud of you. Well done!

Mojisola

AimeesMum wrote: »

My ex has also been making an effort and has vowed to win me back but I am extremely cautious about this and it would have to be severe changes that lasted a long time before I let him back into my life and I have made a solemn promise to myself and my kids that I will never be dragged down or brought down again in front of them.

Good for you! It won't be sunshine every day but you will feel so much better overall for getting away from the old situation that it will be worth it.

Like the others are saying, don't be taken in by promises. In fact, I would tell him very clearly that there is no going back. While you leave the door a little bit open, he will keep pushing at it and may be able to look as if he's changed just long enough to get back in control of you again.

JoJoB

Well done you!

re your ex making an "effort" to win you back - can I make a suggestion?

Be very clear that you do not want him back (even if there are niggling feelings that you might if he changes). Say however you are keen for him to be a good father and maintain contact with the children and do nice things with them at the weekends and treat them well.

If he can't be bothered with this or starts slacking after a month or two I think you have your answer on how his behaviour would be with yourself after a while.