Single mother, 2 children, what can they get?

SingleSue

For the record OP, I am not a single parent by choice, I was married to my now ex husband for nearly 16 years (we were together for 20 years), all the children were born during that marriage and with the consent of both of us.

We could also afford the children when we had them, I have worked pretty much since leaving school over 20 years ago (not going to say exactly how long because it makes me feel so old) and was at one point, a high rate tax payer earning 3 times at least his salary.

The only reason I am now on benefits and not working is because my children are disabled and childcare for disabled children in this area is pretty scant, especially if a child has a history of violence or aggression...no childminders will take middle son on at all. Prior to the marriage split up, we handled the childcare between us, he worked during the day, I worked in the evening/night.

Re conception, yes it takes two to tango but it also takes two to take responsibility...you don't want accidents, then wear protection or suffer the consequences, surely one of your parents/guardians (not knowing your family history, I am playing safe with the choice), said never trust a woman in regards to contraception and to take care to double cover (i.e, wear a condom rather than believe she is taking the pill)...I tell my eldest son all the time!

It may take some of the fun away but it saves an almighty dose of pain later.

tommix

Rules!!!!! This is the most judgemental board re. benefit claiments in the history of benefit forums, with the same 8 or 9 posters making snide, spiteful, and demeaning comments, to people asking for advice on benefit entitlement, rules my a-se!:rotfl:

melbi_uk

xxtokerxx wrote: »

I wanted to click thanks, but didn't think that was appropriate - that is a harsh situation and wish that your daughter gets all the support she needs.

Thanks. Miraculously she has now got over it all and moved on with her life. As I mentioned, she works and now has her own place although gets some financial support via TC etc.

Personally I don't want to discuss the innards of my personal situation as I rather forget that part of my life, but with some of the people who are participating in this discussion I am sure it would be meaningless, and they'll just pick snippets and certain points to try and deem me as a silly little boy.

I think sometimes it is best to be open. The human race are known for the trait of being judgemental. By being open and honest I think it leaves you less open to criticism. Of course what we reveal and don't reveal is our own personal choice.

A silly little boy that goes out and works, pays his taxes, supports a child that he has nothing to do with, has a new relationship, some one who is studying to further there experience and opportunities.

I hope you have learnt your lesson and now use protection in your existing relationship. Nobody can be held responsible for our own actions. Today the relationship could seem to be all rosy, next week anything could happen that might threaten your relationship. Look at people who have been married for years then divorce.

Vs the woman who has only had a handful of part time jobs, has her own flat now has another child with another absent father, is living off the state, smokes (shouldn't bloody smoke if your living on the state), drinks (shouldn't bloody drink if your living on the state).

I think if possible benefits should be paid in food etc. Not sure if this could ever be made possible but it would make people think more about relying on benefits. Let's take an alcoholic as an example. He/she gets her money from the government and will go to the nearest off-licence. If they got food vouchers and free bus pass etc instead per week and had to prove they were seeking help for their illness, would they have more of a chance to become 'dry'?

I am just some one who does nothing but try to be the best that they can, and be fair.

And the majority of people are the same as you. It is the minority that let this country/benefits system down.

So yeah I must be the devils son who had a one night stand and thought "who cares" what happens here, and left the girl to deal with the situation, which is clearly completely untrue and besides my views are that she had a choice to keep that child, she had a choice whether or not to participate in intercourse, she had the choice on whether to use protection (her self) she even has the choice of using the morning after pill and still has the choice to termination if that's what she wants to do.

But you also had the choice to be responsible for your own actions and wear a condom

Woman have a whole load more choices than the man, sure there are men that back down from their responsibility and think that they don't need to deal with the consequences but there are also men that don't have a choice, are lied, tricked, and manipulated but have no say, no control.

Only you can be held responsible for allowing yourself into being tricked or manipulated.

I think they're a lot of woman who don't really think the choices with man vs woman, they think if there is mutual consent that any repercussions are the mans responsibility and have complete control of the situation.

But it is both the man and woman who are equally responsible

Had you worn condom or 3 she would never have got pregnant.

So yeah terrible guy I must be

No, I don't think you are terrible guy. I just think you pulled the short straw at some point and is now feeling trapped, very hurt and very annoyed, but again I have to emphasize that there is only you to blame if you didn't want a child with the person in question or with any woman, you should have been responsible and sensible enough to protect yourself from becoming a father, not even mentioning landing yourself with possible STD's.

I don't want to sound patronising but wonder if you think some counselling would help?

suelees1

tommix wrote: »

Rules!!!!! This is the most judgemental board re. benefit claiments in the history of benefit forums, with the same 8 or 9 posters making snide, spiteful, and demeaning comments, to people asking for advice on benefit entitlement, rules my a-se!:rotfl:

I have to agree with you tommix.

MumOf2Beasties

would just like to say that i'm a single mum with two children aged 4 and 2 and i most certainly do not live like a queen!!!

i have to budget very very carefully to make sure that bills are paid and the kids get trips out like swimming and softplay.

I'm currently studying Psychology and will be starting Social Sciences in may and Health and Social Care in November. I most definately do not sit on my bum all day, my son is in school all day so first and foremost i help my daughter to learn through play - lots of reading, singing, dancing, outdoor play and messy play and i'm very houseproud so spend a good chunk of the day cleaning!
i make proper home cooked meals every teatime and when the kids are in bed i have another tidy up and then get stuck into my coursebooks!!

i gave up my job so the kids dad could take a promotion, soon after that we separated and he moved 4 hours away back to his hometown, i do not work at the moment because i don't want a childminder seeing the kids more than i do!!!also whats the point having kids just to palm them off on strangers!!!

i do think i'm very fortunate to live in a society with a benefits system that allows me to enjoy my children and raise them myself and enjoy the short time i have with them before full time school !!!!

i do understand peoples annoyance when it looks like people on benefits get a lot more and have an easy life, but please don't make the assumption that all single mums with kids are lazy and loaded!! i'm an intelligent woman, hard working and wish there were enough hours in the day to do all the things that need to be done...it upsets me that people make such assumptions, just because me and the kids are always clean, tidy and well dressed (i'm an avid ebayer and spend very little on clothing!!) would you make the assumption that i'm loaded??

don't make assumptions when you don't know what goes on behind closed doors!!

dmg24

MumOf2Beasties wrote: »

would just like to say that i'm a single mum with two children aged 4 and 2 and i most certainly do not live like a queen!!!

i have to budget very very carefully to make sure that bills are paid and the kids get trips out like swimming and softplay.

I'm currently studying Psychology and will be starting Social Sciences in may and Health and Social Care in November. I most definately do not sit on my bum all day, my son is in school all day so first and foremost i help my daughter to learn through play - lots of reading, singing, dancing, outdoor play and messy play and i'm very houseproud so spend a good chunk of the day cleaning!
i make proper home cooked meals every teatime and when the kids are in bed i have another tidy up and then get stuck into my coursebooks!!

i gave up my job so the kids dad could take a promotion, soon after that we separated and he moved 4 hours away back to his hometown, i do not work at the moment because i don't want a childminder seeing the kids more than i do!!!also whats the point having kids just to palm them off on strangers!!!

i do think i'm very fortunate to live in a society with a benefits system that allows me to enjoy my children and raise them myself and enjoy the short time i have with them before full time school !!!!

i do understand peoples annoyance when it looks like people on benefits get a lot more and have an easy life, but please don't make the assumption that all single mums with kids are lazy and loaded!! i'm an intelligent woman, hard working and wish there were enough hours in the day to do all the things that need to be done...it upsets me that people make such assumptions, just because me and the kids are always clean, tidy and well dressed (i'm an avid ebayer and spend very little on clothing!!) would you make the assumption that i'm loaded??

don't make assumptions when you don't know what goes on behind closed doors!!

How nice for you. Do you fund your lifestyle through work?

MumOf2Beasties

lol i'm merely pointing out that not all us mums on benefits sit on their bums all day

dmg24

MumOf2Beasties wrote: »

lol i'm merely pointing out that not all us mums on benefits sit on their bums all day

Good luck with your job search.

MumOf2Beasties

when i've passed my psych, social sciences and health and social care courses and am in a well paid job i'm sure i won't have my nose held as highly as you

dmg24

MumOf2Beasties wrote: »

when i've passed my psych, social sciences and health and social care courses and am in a well paid job i'm sure i won't have my nose held as highly as you

Yes, I quite agree.