Single mother, 2 children, what can they get?

ekkygirl

Jowo wrote: »

So if you don't live with the children and bring them up, and she goes out to full time work during their formative years, who looks after them? Are you happy for strangers to bring them up, who do this for money?

Would you prefer that the mother of your children lives in such an impoverished household that your children suffer the well known effects and outcomes that come from poverty?

Why don't you ask for custody of your children if you think that raising them involves a lot of sitting around on the sofa?

Some lone parents achieve this status because their partner has abandoned them or died.

Many people who study do so for the love of the subject or with the aim of achieving a higher income. It may be the case that they end up paying more taxes but no-one I know has enrolled in FE/HE because they want to contribute more to the public purse.

Some mother have no choice but to leave their young children with "Strangers" while they earn a living.

Benefits should be a safety net not a life choice.

ekkygirl

xxtokerxx wrote: »

Thanks for understanding my original question - to be honest I don't know why I am here trying to defend my self against others when I wanted simple answers.

It's actually got the point where I feel like people are trying to get personal and feel like I need to make a response.

I am just another UK tax payer, paying his bills, funding his child working long hours and this had lead into some of my opinions and some personal situations. This was all suppose to be a simple understanding of the benefits system.

Some posters deliberately try to wind people up. Some people take the opposing view for fun and check back to see how much they have managed to upset the OP.

Best advise I can give is thank all the helpfull posts that answer you query and ignore all the others.

People are on benefits for different reasons, not all through choice be careful of upsetting genuine cases with comments about what you think of some people.

melbi_uk

xxtokerxx wrote: »

LOL what ever, bet your all single mums sponging off the government - you don't know my situation stop trying to guess it.

I know full well the forum rules as I always read before posting, if you actually read my first set of replies you'll actually understand that I was asking a valid question it was the replies from other members (including yourself) that caused this to go into a debate.

I work hard, I pay my taxes and I pay the CSA, I never tried to avoid paying and frankly I am not trying to avoid it now - I was curious how a single mother can splash her cash all the time, credit would make sense but you can't keep borrowing for 3 years with no employment, not realistically any way.

Besides I find it funny how your all extremely one sided in all this despite my fair remarks and comments.

Maybe you should "put the boot on the other foot" for once and stop playing the whole desperate single mother needs everything she can get - move to africa and try asking the same questions from the government.

If you can't afford to bring up a child then don't allow yourself to get pregnant in the first place, if you do, its your responsibility.

I am happily paying my bills and maintenance and hope to never see the mother again, I don't consider it family and I don't have to justify my self to any of you, just merely expressing my opinions.

This all started with me trying not to get in to an argument knowing it was a touchy subject but funnily enough I just don't care any more all leaching from the government causing the rest of the nation to suffer, go on, go out there and get a job, maybe 10 of you can get together and work a 4 day shift and on your day off 1 of you can be a carer for all the others? why wouldn't that work?

Or the families where the children all seem to have multiple kids, why not move them into one large premises? I mean there living with the family, they have a baby and get there own place, why not move them in together and save the rest of us from having to pay for a new property!

I mean what's this 20% of all new builds rule all about? what a load of tosh, half the people out there who buy a fancy new build have to walk past roughed up estates with god knows who living on there.

This country is going to the toilet and if your one of those mothers that is taking more than she deserves I hope you feel bad about it, if you feel offended about my views I presume that indicates a guilty conscious cause if you consider that your doing it as its the only means you have you'll realise that your benefits are reduced because of the millions of people sponging from our government.

Woman want equal rights, well so do men, and if your going to play games and take advantage then we deserve the right to protect ourselves whether that's in the early stages of pregnancy or just a state law I don't really care, but there are many other men in my position who have been duped.

woman have many other forms of contraception than men, so why do the men always get blamed, takes two to tango! and besides as far as I was aware she had an implant, what was I suppose to do feel her arm every time things got "adult".

Yeah right, common have some sense ladies.

This is why men need to take more responsibility. Yes it takes 2 to tango, so it should take 2 to be careful and NOT rely on the woman to be responsible alone!

I can see where you are coming from with the rest of your postings as I have stated how many daughter as a single parent works part time, she gets some help benefit wise yet her friend who lives with her partner, neither of them working are are far better off than my daughter and totally depend on benefits. What really riles me about her friend and partner is the fact that now their child is 3 and so will be starting nursery, they are planning on another child!

If she (daughter's friend) wants to be a stay at home mum then fine, but her partner should be made to work to support their choice.

I was a stay at home mum until my youngest child started school. That was our choice. For that to happen we had to make sacrifices financially. We never even thought about what we might be able to claim benefit wise.

It is people like my daughter's friend that are ripping this country and tax payers off.

However, I feel you are tying all single mums to the same brush! Some single mums want to stay home with their child until they reach school age. Yes, they will have no choice but to claim benefits but some people are excellent at handling their money and even able to put some money to one side. Being a stay at home mum doesn't mean they are sat on their backsides all day drinking alcohol and smoking. If they are then they re breaking the law because surely if they are drinking all day then they would indeed me intoxicated while having a child in their care.

I'm not naive enough to know this doesn't happen, and if someone has clear evidence that it is then as a responsible adult they should be reporting the woman in question for the sake of the child/ren.

As for buying things on the tick, Bright House has made that possible!

The advert for that store gives out bad messages as they always use young women who appear to have nothing better to do all day than watch TV while drinking tea and eating biscuits, but that's another story!

ekkygirl

Jowo wrote: »

Playing especially to all those fathers who pay a small minority of their wages to their abandoned partners so that their children can have new shoes.

And maybe another one for all the fathers who came home from work and found the missus had effd off with the milkman.

xxtokerxx

melbi_uk wrote: »

This is why men need to take more responsibility. Yes it takes 2 to tango, so it should take 2 to be careful and NOT rely on the woman to be responsible alone!

I can see where you are coming from with the rest of your postings as I have stated how many daughter as a single parent works part time, she gets some help benefit wise yet her friend who lives with her partner, neither of them working are are far better off than my daughter and totally depend on benefits. What really riles me about her friend and partner is the fact that now their child is 3 and so will be starting nursery, they are planning on another child!

If she (daughter's friend) wants to be a stay at home mum then fine, but her partner should be made to work to support their choice.

I was a stay at home mum until my youngest child started school. That was our choice. For that to happen we had to make sacrifices financially. We never even thought about what we might be able to claim benefit wise.

It is people like my daughter's friend that are ripping this country and tax payers off.

However, I feel you are tying all single mums to the same brush! Some single mums want to stay home with their child until they reach school age. Yes, they will have no choice but to claim benefits but some people are excellent at handling their money and even able to put some money to one side. Being a stay at home mum doesn't mean they are sat on their backsides all day drinking alcohol and smoking. If they are then they re breaking the law because surely if they are drinking all day then they would indeed me intoxicated while having a child in their care.

I'm not naive enough to know this doesn't happen, and if someone has clear evidence that it is then as a responsible adult they should be reporting the woman in question for the sake of the child/ren.

As for buying things on the tick, Bright House has made that possible!

The advert for that store gives out bad messages as they always use young women who appear to have nothing better to do all day than watch TV while drinking tea and eating biscuits, but that's another story!

I don't mean to tar all women with the same brush just getting a little frustrated with certain peoples opinions and their stereotypical views.

So yeah I was being a little stereotypical myself, and sorry if that caused any offence.

Think there needs to be a fairer system, as I would love my partner to stay at home with the children when the time comes, or vice versa, depending on who is more successful (got the better opportunities down the line) - however with the current system that's not going to be possible unless we take major sacrifices.

The benefits system is really abused and there are some people that I am sure could get a degree in understanding and exploiting the benefits system, the funny thing is these people probably dropped out of school and were deemed "not smart" but the reality is they are very smart and know how to live life on the back of the tax payer.

Our family, my father, mother, sisters, cousins, every one of them has never had to use the benefits system because we see it as an emergency only system, I have no problem in some one using benefits but living on benefits for extended periods of time I totally disagree with.

Sorry if you felt I was tarring you/your daughter with the same brush, I don't know your circumstances so couldn't possibly comment on their situation.

RufusForever

In your post 91 when you say you don't "consider it family", is the "it" your child OP?
To be honest I'm not that fussed about this thread, like a lot of others it's gone off at a tangent but this is a forum, you could have found the information yourself if you'd looked but chose instead to put it on here so that's going to happen.
But your "it" comment, if I'm reading it properly is a dreadful one no matter what your situation is.

DX2

xxtokerxx wrote: »

I know full well the forum rules as I always read before posting, if you actually read my first set of replies you'll actually understand that I was asking a valid question it was the replies from other members (including yourself) that caused this to go into a debate.

Pretty apparent that you don't.
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=4196589&postcount=1

xxtokerxx wrote: »

I am happily paying my bills and maintenance and hope to never see the mother again, I don't consider it family and I don't have to justify my self to any of you, just merely expressing my opinions.

What a silly little boy, you're right you don't have to justify yourself to any of us however you will one day to your child.

melbi_uk

xxtokerxx wrote:
'Sorry if you felt I was tarring you/your daughter with the same brush, I don't know your circumstances so couldn't possibly comment on their situation'.


You didn't offend me.

I was just trying to show it from a different angle.

I can understand your frustrations and annoyance.

My daughter did have a partner. He beat her up badly when she was 3 months pregnant because he wanted sex and she wasn't in the mood!

He is allowed no contact with either my daughter or my granddaughter.

xxtokerxx

melbi_uk wrote: »

xxtokerxx wrote:
'Sorry if you felt I was tarring you/your daughter with the same brush, I don't know your circumstances so couldn't possibly comment on their situation'.


You didn't offend me.

I was just trying to show it from a different angle.

I can understand your frustrations and annoyance.

My daughter did have a partner. He beat her up badly when she was 3 months pregnant because he wanted sex and she wasn't in the mood!

He is allowed no contact with either my daughter or my granddaughter.

I wanted to click thanks, but didn't think that was appropriate - that is a harsh situation and wish that your daughter gets all the support she needs.

Personally I don't want to discuss the innards of my personal situation as I rather forget that part of my life, but with some of the people who are participating in this discussion I am sure it would be meaningless, and they'll just pick snippets and certain points to try and deem me as a silly little boy.

A silly little boy that goes out and works, pays his taxes, supports a child that he has nothing to do with, has a new relationship, some one who is studying to further there experience and opportunities.

Vs the woman who has only had a handful of part time jobs, has her own flat now has another child with another absent father, is living off the state, smokes (shouldn't bloody smoke if your living on the state), drinks (shouldn't bloody drink if your living on the state).

I am just some one who does nothing but try to be the best that they can, and be fair.

So yeah I must be the devils son who had a one night stand and thought "who cares" what happens here, and left the girl to deal with the situation, which is clearly completely untrue and besides my views are that she had a choice to keep that child, she had a choice whether or not to participate in intercourse, she had the choice on whether to use protection (her self) she even has the choice of using the morning after pill and still has the choice to termination if that's what she wants to do.

Woman have a whole load more choices than the man, sure there are men that back down from their responsibility and think that they don't need to deal with the consequences but there are also men that don't have a choice, are lied, tricked, and manipulated but have no say, no control.

I think they're a lot of woman who don't really think the choices with man vs woman, they think if there is mutual consent that any repercussions are the mans responsibility and have complete control of the situation.

So yeah terrible guy I must be

FBaby

I agree with melbi, your experience has made you seeing a situation worse than it is. Not all single mothers have planned to be so and rely on benefits. I suspect the vast majority of single mums are those who were in a serious relationship/marriage where they could afford to be s SAHM and find themselves vulnerable when they become single. You then have a good number of single mums who do work and even contribute towards all those who do not work. I am a single mum of two who have always work full time even when my babies were a few months old. I now pay 40% of my salary in tax, get no tax credits, soon will loose child benefits.

The problem as I see it is that regardless of the reason why a woman becomes a single mum, whether by choice or not, the attraction of benefits means that many find all the reasons they can to justify why they can't work...because they can get away with it and still enjoy a reasonable lifestyle, at least not that much worse than what it would be if they were working. It's amazing how you can convince yourself that you can't do something because there is an alternative to not doing it. If the benefits were half what they are, I'm sure we would find many suddenly finding a way to work...

However, your attitude about pregnancy is a bit limited. You have three situations when it comes to men, those who do want to become a dad, so either do nothing to prevent or take steps to help it happen, you have those who are not to keen on becoming a dad, but who would be prepared to take responsibility if it happened, whether staying in the relationship or not, in that case, they probably rely on the female to deal with protection. Then you have those who absolutely do not want to become a dad, or at least not with the person they are having sex with. In that case, it is THEIR responsibility to make sure if doesn't happen, using condoms (double if necessary!) or abstain from sexual intercourse.

It seems you were quite adamant that you didn't want to become a dad, and you seem to have chosen to keep up with this decision, yet you seem to put the blame on the mother for getting you where you are. She might have lied, but it was still your choice to believe her depsite the stake.