Living with OH's constant negativity :mad:

Ivrytwr3

My OH works 45 minutes away, starts early and finishes late for 2.5 days a week. She is head of personnel in a supermarket, yet is only paid very little for the job she does. So she is in the same position as you and after deductions/childminding costs etc she brings home very little. To be honest we wouldn't be much worse off if she gave it up.

But............It is a life saver for her, she is away from the kids for a break, gets her out of the house and she has friends at work she can talk adult with.

So good luck on your new job and don't let the OH grind you down. I'm sure he's really chuffed as ANY extra money coming in has got to be better than nothing (men just can't show their emotions properly as we're crap).

Dumyat

sometimes jobs are not just about money are they? probably your husband is just viewing it as a logical equation.
your children will not be young for long and when it comes to getting a job it is much easier to get one if you already have one...does that make sense? lol

Alan50

Would agree with Hobo, we men veiw work differently, but it is important that you have something for 'you'
Get rid of the children for a few hours and have a talk, he could be depressed for a number a reasons.
Alan

moneyman4u

I can also understand the emotional side, ie. get out of the house, do something independant etc.

I wonder if the OP has considered a mothers meeting? or perhaps a coffee morning? That way you can combine the pleasure of looking after your children with the added bonus of a little time away from the rigours of keeping home? MrsM was always very happy doing the coffee morning scene when our children were little, the mums used to take it in turn to make a cake (often coffee or walnut) , and provide a choice of coffee or tea, with squash for the children. It really was something to look forward to each week to break the time up, the other bonus of course was a little group of chiuldren that you could invite to birthday parties etc which is nice.

I also wonder why so many women dont take much interest in the WI? I sometimes feel jealous at some of the talks and activites that they have on offer, just last week our local WI was visited by Mrs E Tyler-Smyth who had come to discuss her collection of spoons from around the world, apparently it was very interesting, and something I for one was sorry to miss.

victory

well done on getting the job, I WORKED in a video store and when I had finished paying the nursery brought home per week for a 6 day weel-£20!! My H used to moan all the time, telling me to give it up, that what was the point etc, the point was simple- I was fed up in the house watching teletubbies over and over again!!
I missed adult conversation, forgot who I was, became fed up and negative about life and the job saved me, did not help financially but brought me back to life.
I say keep going, one day as it has in mine more of the money will be yours and less of it for the child care, it is worth it for happiness!! xx

Ivrytwr3

the mums used to take it in turn to make a cake (often coffee or walnut)

our local WI was visited by Mrs E Tyler-Smyth who had come to discuss her collection of spoons from around the world, apparently it was very interesting, and something I for one was sorry to miss.

LOL!!! Very, very dry (the humour, not the cake!)

super41

Congratulations on your new job! You know in your heart that you've done the right thing so don't be put off by your OH's attitude, though it must be disheartening. As you say its not really the money, but even so add up all the £1.97s over the year and you'll have a nice little sum to put towards spending time with your kids etc. See it as a bonus!

margaretclare

Hi

Re the idea of a mothers' meeting, if I can add a perspective from an older generation.

Back in the early 1960s a lot of us were part of a new 'home-owning' generation. We were all in new-build properties and most were young mums with 1 or 2 little ones. And we formed one of these 'mothers' meetings'. We were going to discuss something interesting every time we met - something in the news, a book, a film, any interesting topic but NOT child-care or home improvements (these new-builds were very basic, that was how I got into debt the very first time!) And it just did not work. We'd be in the middle of discussing the latest political upheaval, the latest film, whatever, and someone would sigh 'I just wish I could get little Bobby (or whoever) to sleep through the night....' and we'd be back to square one.

The WI don't just discuss collections of spoons - they are very political, remember how they shouted down Tony Blair?

IMHO maybe a man looks at it purely as economics - work so many hours for so many pounds, because he's expected to work. For a woman, the money may be of secondary importance beside the need to feel valued, the need for adult companionship in a place where she's NOT expected to discuss nappies, sleeping through the night, whatever. Where she's valued not as mummy or wife, but as an adult among other adults. Even doing an evening shift packing After Eights gave me a different perspective. I could never have been a SAHM - I would have gone bonkers over time.

Margaret

AnnieH

dogrose wrote:

sometimes jobs are not just about money are they? probably your husband is just viewing it as a logical equation.
your children will not be young for long and when it comes to getting a job it is much easier to get one if you already have one...does that make sense? lol

That is what I've been saying LOL!
I know from a purely monetary view it is NOT worth it. But as quite a lot of you understand - I need to get out of the house and spend time with grown-ups I love my baby more than anything and the older ones too. (It won't affect them as I'll be working in school hours only) It's not really him I want to escape from cos he lovely. But I need a break from the grind - the mundane day-to-day stuff that never ends. The washing, ironing hoovering etc, that will still be there, but at least I won't have to look at it all day every day.

Does that make sense??


Thanks guys for all your replies. They have made me

elona

As someone who is sitting looking at the chaos right now ( not doing anything - just looking) I understand exactly what you mean!

Enjoy your job and try not to let things get you down!