Living with OH's constant negativity :mad:

AnnieH

Thank you for all your messages. My dd said this morning when I was in the kitchen, that my name was on the radio and wishing me luck for my first day as a dinner lady. So he must have texted in to the radio station - bless him:) shame he can't say it to my face. Unless dd made it all up of course:rotfl:

Mrs_pbradley936

I loved my job that I had before the children came along. When the youngest went to school I thought about going back to work but my husband was very negative about the whole idea. He would say things like “So how much will you earn when you cannot be there before 9.30 you have to leave by just after 2 to get to the school by 3? AND you have not even considered being absent for the holidays. On top of which what’s going to happen to washing and ironing? The place will look like a tip and you will be irritable and I will not get a decent meal in the evening”. Nowadays you would call him a dinosaur but it’s just typical of a man of his generation.

clairehi

pbradley936 wrote:

what’s going to happen to washing and ironing? The place will look like a tip and you will be irritable and I will not get a decent meal in the evening”. .

and there's the rub - they're worried that they are not going to be waited on hand and foot anymore if DW is out enjoying hereelf at work!.

clairehi

moneyman4u wrote:

MrsM was always very happy doing the coffee morning scene when our children were little.

Im surprised she could find the time in between belly dancing lessons, checking up on the neighbours through the telescope etc...

Mics_chick

moneyman4u wrote:

I wonder if the OP has considered a mothers meeting? or perhaps a coffee morning? That way you can combine the pleasure of looking after your children with the added bonus of a little time away from the rigours of keeping home?
Have you ever tried to have a decent conversation without the kids constantly interrupting you? And the idea is that you have time AWAY from the kids altogether!

I also wonder why so many women dont take much interest in the WI? I sometimes feel jealous at some of the talks and activites that they have on offer, just last week our local WI was visited by Mrs E Tyler-Smyth who had come to discuss her collection of spoons from around the world, apparently it was very interesting, and something I for one was sorry to miss.
I can only hope this is a wind-up (otherwise eat your heart out Roy Cropper!)

I think you need a rethink MM4U:D

margaretclare

pbradley936 wrote:

I loved my job that I had before the children came along. When the youngest went to school I thought about going back to work but my husband was very negative about the whole idea. He would say things like “So how much will you earn when you cannot be there before 9.30 you have to leave by just after 2 to get to the school by 3? AND you have not even considered being absent for the holidays. On top of which what’s going to happen to washing and ironing? The place will look like a tip and you will be irritable and I will not get a decent meal in the evening”. Nowadays you would call him a dinosaur but it’s just typical of a man of his generation.

Good heavens. I am so, so glad that my first husband was NOT a typical man of his generation.

We were split when I started nursing training in 1957, 6 months after our (unsuccessful) marriage. We got back together again in 1959 and I insisted on carrying on to qualification. People said things like 'wasn't it kind of him to allow me to qualify'. Grrrrr!! Then I qualified as a midwife in 1971 and the following year he had a coronary aged only 38, a family man....from then to his death 20 years later he was on a downward spiral healthwise, and never worked from 1976 onwards.

Where the heck would we have been, and where would I be now, if he had been a 'typical man of his generation'?

Margaret

manofthemoment

badgermonkey wrote:

May I ask why the childcare comes out of YOUR pay? Surely the children belong to both of you - so the cost of it should be split. And I bet when you do that, it starts to make more sense.

If there is anything going to infuraite your OH more than working for £1.97 it is probably this suggestion.

pickle

moneyman4u wrote:

I wonder if the OP has considered a mothers meeting? or perhaps a coffee morning? That way you can combine the pleasure of looking after your children with the added bonus of a little time away from the rigours of keeping home? MrsM was always very happy doing the coffee morning scene when our children were little, the mums used to take it in turn to make a cake (often coffee or walnut) , and provide a choice of coffee or tea, with squash for the children. It really was something to look forward to each week to break the time up, the other bonus of course was a little group of chiuldren that you could invite to birthday parties etc which is nice.

I also wonder why so many women dont take much interest in the WI? I sometimes feel jealous at some of the talks and activites that they have on offer, just last week our local WI was visited by Mrs E Tyler-Smyth who had come to discuss her collection of spoons from around the world, apparently it was very interesting, and something I for one was sorry to miss.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

hobo28

badgermonkey wrote:

May I ask why the childcare comes out of YOUR pay? Surely the children belong to both of you - so the cost of it should be split. And I bet when you do that, it starts to make more sense.

manofthemoment wrote:

If there is anything going to infuraite your OH more than working for £1.97 it is probably this suggestion.

Agreed. My response to that would be "fine, I'll pay half the childcare if you pay half the mortgage, council tax, bills, food etc. etc. out of your wage too!"

I don't think its unreasonable to expect OP to pay for childcare from her wage as long as he is paying for everything else. That way you can easily see what the job is actually bringing in. Splitting the cost with her OH would muddy the waters significantly.

clairehi wrote:

and there's the rub - they're worried that they are not going to be waited on hand and foot anymore if DW is out enjoying hereelf at work!.

Not quite. He's probably thinking that the hassle involved isn't worth the rewards more than he won't have his tea on the table upon his return. The fact that the kids are dumped on a childminder, less time for housework. Extra hassle of who does what chore as they now both work etc. etc. All for what? An extra £1.97?

margaretclare

hobo28 wrote:

He's probably thinking that the hassle involved isn't worth the rewards more than he won't have his tea on the table upon his return. The fact that the kids are dumped on a childminder, less time for housework. Extra hassle of who does what chore as they now both work etc. etc. All for what? An extra £1.97?

As many of the posts confirm, it's not just about £1.97. There are some things you can't put a price on. Getting out of the house, doing something completely different in company with other adults, the list goes on.

This is the 21st century. Are you telling me that nothing has moved on in the last 50 years - that a man still expects the washing, ironing, vacuuming done all by the woman and a 'meal on the table when he comes in'? After all, we nearly all now have the latest technology. I no longer 'do the washing' in the way that my mother did - I just fill up the Hotpoint Aquarius front-loader and let it do the washing for me. DH often cooks, or rather as he says, he didn't cook it - the oven cooked it for us. 'What's involved in cooking a simple meal - it's hardly rocket science, is it?'

I've always been used to the idea that either member of the partnership can do any of the jobs. I was a working wife for many many years and my first husband did a lot of the jobs. He even changed nappies back in the days when many other blokes didn't. Getting into a second relationship after his death meant I've probably taken a few things for granted, but then DH enjoys what he calls 'pottering' in the kitchen. Can you imagine how awful it would be if it was a retired couple like us and the retired bloke still had those expectations from his wife - he could retire, she never would!! The mind boggles. I've been so lucky.

Margaret