I can't take no more

Bloomin_Freezing2

l.m.hart, it shouldn't come down to money. Is your OH so controlling it would be impossible for you to start tucking money away? Saying that it would take a life time to build up enough to rent anywhere. You must have some family friends? How would they feel if they knew what your life was like? They wouldn't want you to stay just because you don't have any money. I'm sure someone you know would take you and your kids in. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask. Failing that try a refuge, your situation is the exact reason they exist. x

creamcrackers

l.m.hart wrote: »

Creamcakers i know exactly how you feel, because your life seems to mirror mine.I cant begin to advice you because i dont know what to do myself.I cant afford to move out,dh wouldnt move out and i have children at home who mean more to me than anything.so it carries on,I hope you manage to make the right decision and im thinking of you x

I want to echo all the advice from op to you but it is so easy to say
leave him. My thoughts have now turned and i am thinking more on what i should do. I have lots i can sell to make a bit of money so thats a start and i am now thinking i should go to the Doctors for help.
HART; I wish i could help you more but i hope the advice from others will help in some way.bless you

Bloomin_Freezing2

The best thing we can all do is talk about this, who knows maybe someone will come up with the perfect solution to your problems, and if they don't maybe someone else reading this thread will take advice and find the courage to change their situation.

Mrs_Arcanum

Look at it another way. As long as you are there and put up with this it legitimises his behaviour. Your remaining make him believe what he does is normal and OK.

Is there a friend's you could camp out at for a couple of days whilst arrangements are made?

(On a slightly lighter note)
You could always do what my aunt did. When living in a 3 storey house my aunt was making the beds whilst her ex was having lunch. He called her downstairs to pass the salt & pepper which were just the other side of the table. To follow lunch he was having a syrup sponge to which she added extra syrup, plonked it on his head, grabbed her coat then went and picked the children up from school never to return.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Look at it another way. As long as you are there and put up with this it legitimises his behaviour. Your remaining make him believe what he does is normal and OK.

Is there a friend's you could camp out at for a couple of days whilst arrangements are made?

(On a slightly lighter note)
You could always do what my aunt did. When living in a 3 storey house my aunt was making the beds whilst her ex was having lunch. He called her downstairs to pass the salt & pepper which were just the other side of the table. To follow lunch he was having a syrup sponge to which she added extra syrup, plonked it on his head, grabbed her coat then went and picked the children up from school never to return.

Oh dear I just laughed at that. Well more of a snort . Good on her though, he sounds like a right pig.

Padstow

There is absolutely no reason today, for a woman with children to be putting up with this behaviour.

Women with children are well cared for by the benefit system. Go on this site and fill in details as though you were living without him and see for yourself.
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx That should reassure you, that you won't live in poverty.

Then ring Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 http://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CJW2gc28gqcCFQkf4Qod-k1teg Explain about your 23 year old and your concerns, they will advise you. I witnessed how they handled a friend's case, and she's never been happier.

You're doing your children no favours, they are learning that women should put up with abuse.

Ring 0808 2000 247 and see what they have to say. Keep us all posted and good luck.

Padstow

l.m.hart wrote: »

Creamcakers i know exactly how you feel, because your life seems to mirror mine.I cant begin to advice you because i dont know what to do myself.I cant afford to move out,dh wouldnt move out and i have children at home who mean more to me than anything.so it carries on,I hope you manage to make the right decision and im thinking of you x

Have you seen the wikvorce site? There are a lot there who understand and have come out the other side.
They also have a chat room.
http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Community-Home-Page/

charlies-aunt

Plan ahead - pick a day when he will be at work and you have some money - save as much money as you can between now and then.

Prepare a set of escape clothes/toiletries for you and the children - ready to stuff into a suitcase when the chosen day comes

Work out where you can go - preferably to a refuge a few towns away - and how you can get there quickly.

Arrange adoption/foster care for any pets with friends/animal sanctuaries

On the appointed day - when he has walked out of the door to go to work - pack your bags, get your children and go . . . . and don't look back.

You deserve better than living the life that you are living.

The refuge will help you claim Income Support, child tax credit and housing benefit . . . and getting on the housing list.

Don't worry about leaving the house behind - its only bricks and mortar.

creamcrackers

When i was a child around 11 years old i ran away from home living on the streets, which i felt it was more safer than living at home with my parents. After 18 months or so the Police finally had caught up with me. Social services had been involved with my family for years. It was decided that i was to go into care. After a couple of years of being in care i was fostered to a lovely family. When i was 17 years old Social services took me from my foster carers and placed me in a bed and breakfast,within a period of 18 months i moved 5 times.

Four months before my 19th Birthday i met my ex husband, he was in the Army we got married and we moved to Germany for six years,then we was posted back to the uk,after two years being the uk my ex husband signed off from the Army and we brought my current home together.

For the first time in my life i had a home, a home to call my own which was everything thing to me. When my ex walked out on me a couple years later for another woman my world fell apart. My poor daughter could not cope so she took it out on herself by not eating. After all the rubbish he put me through i attempted suicide twice as i was unable to cope any longer.

My ex wanted the house and wanted to take my daughter away from me fighting me through the courts after a long battle the house was mine and my ex gave up the fight for my daughter.
At this point i met my current partner.I know i said i did not want the house any longer but why should i give up the house after everything that me and my daughter has been through.

Also my daughter is a little complexed she has learning disabilities ever since she was little.it has taken alot to get her where she is today. Its ongoing she still requires alot of support even more so now she is a parent herself. it's simple things like paying bills,dealing with forms or Banks, writing letters and so on. she finds it difficult to process new information so on some things i may have to show her how to do things many times over before it sinks in. bless her, it's not been easy infact its been blinking hard, even though she is mum to her daughter i still have to continue to support my daughter aswell as my granddaughter to make sure things are done right.

This is my big worry and this is why i wanted to wait until she has her own place so i could find somewhere near to her because i can not leave her to her own devices without the support she requires..

what a mess!

When me and my patner split up before, my partner storked me he sat in hes car outside my house drinking playing loud music. making it known that he was around.he even waited outside my work place spying on me to see if i was with anyone else.


I feel like i am driving along a dark road where it's really foggy,there are no street lights but there are many turnings it feels like i am going round and round not knowing what turning to take should i go left or should i go right but feeling really scared that i might take the wrong turning hitting a dead end.

No one said life would be easy but no one ever said it would be blinking hard either.

nad1611

Do you own the house outright, in other words is his name on a joint mortgage document or other? If not then there may be a straight forward answer. When he goes to work and he's unlikely to return soon, get the locks changed, you could have someone arranged for a certain tme and don't be afraid to tell them a little about the delicacy of the situation and the need for speed and confidentiality, inotherwords not to contact you on your home phone etc.
Once this is done go to the Police and tell them everything I mean everything and that you are frightened of what he might do. Explain how last time you seperated he stalked you and harrassed you by sitting outside your house. They could put a restraining order on him.

Explain your daughter's problems and that you have a small child in the house. Whilst things may be just as problematic, at least you'll still be in your home and be able to be with your daughter. Have you got friends who would help you out, come and suppport you if he does attempt to seek you out.

You may actually feel stronger if your are in your own home to fight this. Perhaps you and your daughter could think about selling up and move somewhere together. This seems to be a much more beneficial solution, you not only get him out of the house but you keep what's rightfully yours, which puts you in a much stronger position. I would still suggest you contact one of the groups that people have suggested on here as they will be able to give you ongoing support and let you know what your rights are, which will be crucial in the difficult months ahead.

This way we don't have to be talking weeks and months, for you to save up, but days and weeks. Again you know this has to be done, for all of your sakes do it soon. Probably the biggest lesson you'll teach your daughter is that no woman or man for that matter needs to be treated like this.