I can't take no more

kate1976

I have no extra advice for you but to echo what others have said! You and your children deserve much better, hugs to you and I hope you find happiness soon, good luck!

creamcrackers

sorry i have not been intouch

i'ts so difficult. i'm feeling lost and emontioally drained at the moment.

My partner has booked the day off from work today to spend
the day with hes mates down the pub as it is one of there birthdays.

My daughter is 23 and lives with me with her daughter she is waiting
for a council place.I was hoping to wait until she got her own place
before walking away.

I don't wish to keep the house any more so much work needs doing
to so he can keep it.

So i think i will need to get some money together some how and try
and rent a place for me and my son. i'm just not too sure at the moment.

thank you all so much for the advice

nad1611

I think all you need to do is ask yourself what advise would you give a friend who came to you and told you what you've told us. I know getting some money together first seems like a good idea, but if that doesn't happen or if it does, you may find you're always making an excuse and pushing the leaving further and further away.
You know what the answer is, you need to summon up the courage to leave and access all the help that is available to women and children in your situation. Please let us know how you get on. Think about your children and do it soon.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

creamcrackers wrote: »

My daughter is 23 and lives with me with her daughter she is waiting
for a council place.I was hoping to wait until she got her own place
before walking away.

You could be waiting a long time - however, this would be quicker if it could be shown that she is trapped in a house with a violent, abusive alcoholic d**khead. So by getting the heck out, you could be doing her a favour.

sjc3

Hi Creamcrackers,

I have just been reading through your threads. The over-riding impression I am making of your other half is that he has severe mental health problems. He seems to have no grip on reality or be able to function on any normal level. Little wonder then that you are feeling as you do.

Please, please know that you are not worthless. You are an important person who should be treated with respect and dignity. Everyone has that right.

It is a huge step to take, even in your circumstances, to walk away from a relationship and your home. Can life be any worse though than it is now? There are all kinds of agencies who can help you emotionally and financially.

Think about taking that first step to claiming the kind of life you really want for yourself and your kids and know that you deserve to live happily and not in fear

creamcrackers

sjc3 wrote: »

Hi Creamcrackers,

I have just been reading through your threads. The over-riding impression I am making of your other half is that he has severe mental health problems. He seems to have no grip on reality or be able to function on any normal level. Little wonder then that you are feeling as you do.

Please, please know that you are not worthless. You are an important person who should be treated with respect and dignity. Everyone has that right.

It is a huge step to take, even in your circumstances, to walk away from a relationship and your home. Can life be any worse though than it is now? There are all kinds of agencies who can help you emotionally and financially.

Think about taking that first step to claiming the kind of life you really want for yourself and your kids and know that you deserve to live happily and not in fear

Thank you

I know my partner has issues and finds it difficult that is why i never gave up on him and tried to support him.
it has now come to the stage that i cannot cope anymore with all this. he sees life how he sees it, not me or anyone can help him
as he does not see there are problems to him i am the problem.

I have gone through far worse than this situation that i am in with my partner and perhaps that is why i have put up with it for so long.

when you do not have the strengh or the motivation and all your fight is at an all time low it's difficult to make a step forward to making a new life.

sjc3

Respect to you creamcrackers. I cannot imagine the things you face day after day and how that must make you feel. You must do things your way and in your own time.

You have a little fight left. You wouldn't be on here asking for advice and guidance if you didn't. Let someone else take the strain. If you got away from this situation and found help through a refuge they would support you through what would undoubtedly be a very hard time.

Maybe take one very small step for now and speak with your gp about what has been going on. If you are suffering physical abuse let him/her help you. Having all of it recorded on your medical records will help if one day you decide to prosecute him.

Caroline_a

You can't change an alcoholic. Only they can change themselves, and it sounds like your OH isnt interested in that. So... look to the future, your son, your granddaughter and your daughter. They need you to provide the best possible role model for them, and staying in an abusive bullying relationship is not the way to do that.

Speak to Shelter, Citizens Advice, whoever can help you find your own space. Do it now, not in 5 years time, when you could find yourself a different sort of victim, possibly forced to care for someone who has alcohol-induced health issues. You will find it a lot harder to leave then, as you will not only still be manipulated but it will be done by making you feel responsible for him.

I'm sure there are loads of people on here who will support you whenever you need it, but the strength has to come from you. I think you can do it - I just hope you do too.

sp1987

creamcrackers wrote: »

Thank you

I know my partner has issues and finds it difficult that is why i never gave up on him and tried to support him.
it has now come to the stage that i cannot cope anymore with all this. he sees life how he sees it, not me or anyone can help him
as he does not see there are problems to him i am the problem.

I have gone through far worse than this situation that i am in with my partner and perhaps that is why i have put up with it for so long.

Just because you have had worse does not mean you don't deserve much better. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you.

The thing is, he isn't just somebody who is depressed or unwell who needs help, care and support. He is someone who is causing very negative feelings for other people due to his appauling behaviour. Someone who is low and difficult to engage with is one thing, but he is agressive, abusive and you are walking on eggshells. I'm 23 myself and I would be absolutely gutted if my mother was going through anything like you are. You simply don't deserve to live another week like it.

Whatever age you are you deserve people around you who value you, help you and support you. You have a son, a daughter and a granddaughter who can do all those things...well, depending on the age of the granddaughter, but kids can always lift your mood, bless them.

You've clearly had well over your fair share of negative people so far in life so please do something about it now that you have had the courage to post about it.

x

never_too_old

Creamcakers i know exactly how you feel, because your life seems to mirror mine.I cant begin to advice you because i dont know what to do myself.I cant afford to move out,dh wouldnt move out and i have children at home who mean more to me than anything.so it carries on,I hope you manage to make the right decision and im thinking of you x