I can't take no more

righter

I would say,if if I don`t value myself enough,what about my child. what example is this for him.
This is not a relationship,it is abuse.

creamcrackers

sjc3 wrote: »

Are you concerned for your safety? This post just has a tone of someone living in fear OP I really hope you are okay

I'm fine sorry to concern you

He finishes work at 10pm he will be home soon
and with me sitting here crying i need time to wipe the tears away
and get rid of the red eyes before he comes in.


sorry

sjc3

You dont have to apologise hun. If my husband came home from work and found me in tears he would be concerned. He would want to know what was wrong, give me a hug and sit and chat it through with me, till I was okay. I wouldn't have to wipe away tears and get rid of red eyes before he got home.

If I am in the wrong suggesting this then feel free to ignore me. I would suggest though that everything is not fine if you cant let your partner see how upset you are by his treatment of you. What exactly would he do if he came in and you were in tears?

meritaten

creamcrackers wrote: »

What would you say if your partner did not tell you how much he earns a year so you can claim tax credits and working tax credits.or refuses to sign the claim forms.

I've been with my partner for 12 years we split up five years ago for about 9 months during that time i started working full time.
When we got back to together as i was earning good money i did not claim tax credits at all, 3 years on i lost my job and for the past couple of years we have been living on my partners wage. He gives me a certain amount each week to pay the main bills
i pay for shopping, telephone bills,clothes,christmas,birthdays, I do work around 5 hours a week which brings in some money.

I am really struggling to make ends meet. The most frustrating thing is seeing my partner coming home from work each night with cans of beer. going out at weekends and bringing home a takeaway for himself. He never takes me out or even gives my son pocket money the list goes on
I've tried talking to him but he just shouts out me and swears and becomes abussive
　
To be honest if i wrote a book about my life with my partner and gave a copy to Steven King I know he would turn around and say ''Creamcrackers, This is way too far- fetched!

I'm just at the point i can't take no more, i cry most days,I feel like i'm living without a soul and so numb inside i'm walking on egg shells to protect the kids from seeing the way he treats me.
sorry for going on I just don't know what to do any more or which way to turn.

after shouting and swearing the only thing I can think of coming under the term 'abusive' is violence - whether its hitting or pushing and shoving I think the op is telling us here that there IS physical cruelty.
Jeez - I feel like going round to hers and giving her OH a taste of his own medicine!

pupsicola

creamcrackers wrote: »

I'm just at the point i can't take no more, i cry most days,I feel like i'm living without a soul and so numb inside i'm walking on egg shells to protect the kids from seeing the way he treats me.
sorry for going on I just don't know what to do any more or which way to turn.

You do realise this is exactly how he wants you to feel. Abuse is all about control. How can you fight back against him when he has reduced you to feeling this way and has you living in fear.

Dont be under the illusion that your kids dont know what is going on. I tried to protect my then 3 1/2 year old from the abuse I was suffering. Years on when he was still having counselling I discovered he knew far more than I had ever imagined he could . He also admitted that he had been terrified for me. Something I struggle to come to terms with.

shellsuit

creamcrackers wrote: »

I'm fine sorry to concern you

He finishes work at 10pm he will be home soon
and with me sitting here crying i need time to wipe the tears away
and get rid of the red eyes before he comes in.


sorry

You shouldn't need to wipe your tears away, he should see you upset and want to comfort and console you

You're obviously not comfortable with him at all ~ are you scared of him or just don't want the hassle?

Do you have any family members you could talk to who could help?

Toothfairy4

sjc3 wrote: »

If my husband came home from work and found me in tears he would be concerned. He would want to know what was wrong, give me a hug and sit and chat it through with me, till I was okay. I wouldn't have to wipe away tears and get rid of red eyes before he got home.

Exactly this... thinking of the contrast between this and what the OP describes is making me a bit teary. Please OP, you can get out of there, there's lots of help available you could be gone before he even suspected anything.

lisawood78

You are better than him and he does not deserve you
That is all

creamcrackers

Partner has gone to bed now so i can give you a little more background.

I never really looked at my relationship as being abusive really
but after reading on certain websites i can relate to alot of what has been wrote, A wake up moment.

Putting aside my daughter being born.When i first got with my partner for the first time in my life i truly felt happiness to the point i felt so guilty for feeling that happy and wished everyone could have felt like i did at the time. after having my childhood taken from me and going into care, then married to man for 10 years who had several affairs and treated me like i was worthless, meeting my current partner who made me feel the happiest that i have even been was something i craved all my life..

It all started going wrong during my pregnancy with my son 10 years ago. During the first 4 months of being pregnant my body was trying to reject the pregnancy i was very ill i could not get out of bed . My partner started drinking more trying to deal with everything, like with my daughter, working, worrying about me etc ,around this same time my partners ex wife stopped all contact with hes 2 daughters which caused alot of heartache.

By the time my son was 3 years old drink was my partners life, drinking every night 4-7 cans, smoking drugs, then he started drinking super beers, it was from then that life changed for us all. My partner has an addictive personality which does not help anyway during this time we had a joint bank account he spent money on beers and drugs from our bill money, when he was not at work he was on the computer playing games all the time.
I was left to look after the kids,house,debts and feeling no more than just part of the furniture.

By then Paranoia set in for him and according to my partner i was having affairs with the guy nextdoor,the local shop keeper,and with hes friends, it was so bad that i did not shave or waxed my legs or under my arms to prove i was not sleeping around as he knew i liked to keep myself well groomed. Whilst dealing with all this my father in law became ill and died after this my partner had somekind of breakdown , I tried to help him but you can't help someone who does not let you in. He did not talk to me for weeks he drank himself silly drugged up all the time and there i am trying to hold everything together.

In the meantime my daughter had a eating disorder which came about after her dad walked out on us. The love my daughter had for her step dad had turned to hate.

Then the final straw came just before we split up.

I had asked my partner not to spend so much time on the computer and spend sometime with me, it ended in an massive argument i tried to express how i felt. He turned to me and said ok if i don't go on the computer no one else can, he was so angry, but i said that our daughter needs to do her collage work on there,
he said no one goes on it. Two days past and my daughter asked if she use the computer, i told her i would have a word and sort something out, my daughter went on the computer
before i had a word with my partner, OMG as soon as he heard the computer booting up he went rushing to shed and got a hammer and came charging back into house to smash the computer up, i quickly got my daughter out of the way then i tried to stop him he went mad, he went back out to the garden shed for something which at that point i shut the door and called the police, the Police arrived within no time,which he was taken away.

So much more went on in between that it would take me forever to explain.

That is when we split up for nine months.Before we got back together i was promised the world and things would change.
and things did change for a while.

Here to this present day he is still;
paranoid not as bad, drinks not as much as it was but still bad, not smoking drugs not 100%,jackal and hyde personality,very moody,very jealousy,moans all the time.and gets angry over little things.Self absorbed, very selfish.

And i'm, lonely, sad, unhappy, crying all the time, resentful, in debt, no money, worthless, no communication, no self asteem, no friends, no family,feeling numb and souless. with no more fight left in me.

BitterAndTwisted

You do not have to suffer at the hand of this selfish bully. Please, PLEASE contact Woman's Aid. I believe that there are organisations at the top of the forum index. Talk to someone. Get some help. You can get out of this situation if you want to and there are people out there who can help you.