Teenager with no ambition and lives in fantasy world

Mollycat13

I wish there was a miracle cure for teenageitis.

Going through very similar with my 17yo son. I've read though this post hoping for some ideas but I'm still completely flumoxed.

Good luck in sorting this out and if anyone has any more suggestions, I and I'm sure the OP would love to hear them.

breakout

It's actually kind of sad reading this and hearing it from a different perspective! Im basically your son, albeit even older! (so even more tragic). Reading your post is like sneaking into my parents mind for a few seconds and hearing their inner thoughts about me!
He's likely just 'lost'. Doesn't know what he's good at (if anything), doesn't know what job/career he'd like to do and could do, maybe a little depressed, lacking confidence, naive about the wolrd etc etc.
In fairness though, he is still very young. If I had to roll the dice, i'd imagine in a few years he'll be on his way to discovering himself and getting on in life. Lots of my friends who have since found some worthy success were not much different at 18.

Mr.Mulla

Tough situation to be in, but I'm sure a lot of us have experienced one way or another. Teenagers nowadays are getting more and more difficult to deal with and with our busy lives, burdened with more stress of the daily demands of living, it becomes easier for parents and guardian to feel exasperated. Sometimes this kids are just craving for more attention and a good seat down talk might do the trick in ironing some things out. It's not the perfect solution but it can be a good start.

euronorris

Fang wrote: »

He's not a child. He's nearly 18, and he's throwing his life away. No decent parent will allow their child to do that.

I have to agree with you Fang.

The alternative, of softly, softly (whilst I understand the reasoning behind the decision) leads to an adult who will still expect everything to land in his lap at 30 (including money), and when it doesn't, and they realise they can't achieve certain life goals (like having kids), well, trust me you don't want to know.

We're dealing with this with a family member at the moment. If only people had been a bit tougher on him in the past, challenged him more and spelt out exactly why he needed to do x, y and z, maybe things would be different and he'd already be well on his way to achieving his life goals.

Instead, he's so far from them that the thought of changing, well, everything, is pretty overwhelming for him.

red_devil

breakout wrote: »

It's actually kind of sad reading this and hearing it from a different perspective! Im basically your son, albeit even older! (so even more tragic). Reading your post is like sneaking into my parents mind for a few seconds and hearing their inner thoughts about me!
He's likely just 'lost'. Doesn't know what he's good at (if anything), doesn't know what job/career he'd like to do and could do, maybe a little depressed, lacking confidence, naive about the wolrd etc etc.
In fairness though, he is still very young. If I had to roll the dice, i'd imagine in a few years he'll be on his way to discovering himself and getting on in life. Lots of my friends who have since found some worthy success were not much different at 18.

maybe but does he have to be so rude etc. He will have kids one day perhaps people should think of that?

Alot of teens these days havent any respect and are lippy etc all in the name of the teenage years.

Also i dont think the mum should be blamed because she is on benefits. His dad worked didnt he? Not all kids of parents on the dole end up on the dole some work hard and turn the situation around.

breakout

red_devil wrote: »

maybe but does he have to be so rude etc. He will have kids one day perhaps people should think of that?

Alot of teens these days havent any respect and are lippy etc all in the name of the teenage years.

Also i dont think the mum should be blamed because she is on benefits. His dad worked didnt he? Not all kids of parents on the dole end up on the dole some work hard and turn the situation around.

did you mean to quote me?

red_devil

yes i did.

ladymarmalade1970

Don't have time to read this whole thread (working) but had to comment as it was like reading about my son!! He is now 21 got sacked from 4 jobs last year. He is working again at the moment but for how long who knows. The only difference between us and you it would seem is that in our case it's his dad and wife who are the benefit claimants, still knocking out kids even though they claim disability amongst other things though! My son goes from us, to his dad then to his nan. At the moment he is living with his nan who is so besotted with her first grandchild she has convinced herself that he loses jobs because people are racist (he is half black).
I will not have him living at home with us anymore as when i was his age i was bringing him up as well as working and/or studying. To say i am ashamed of his work ethic is an understatement! I am not sure what advise to give you other than try and keep him at college for as long as possible. I know it will cost you more but there are more prospects for a lazy qualified person than a lazy unqualified person. My son has a BTEC National in Computing and had a place doing a BSc in Computing but decided to forgo it for some stupid pie in the sky job offered by a bloke who was no more than a chancer!
He has been working in a shop since just before Xmas so i am hoping that he is going to prove me wrong this time and knuckle down to the real world. We shall see. His girlfriend is the complete opposite and works REALLY hard despite the fact that she is no where near as intelligent as him.
Good luck and just be aware you aren't the only one and there are probably lots of youngsters like this....

euronorris

I was just thinking some more about this, and forgive me as I haven't read every post yet, but have you laid out his options for him as follows:

1) Attend college as often as his course(s) dictate, do the homework set and basically apply himself fully to the course. This also means not staying up til 3/4am on weeknights and helping out around the house.
2) Find a full time job. Pay a pre agreed amount of 'Housekeeping' every week/month and help out around the house. It has to be clarified that the 'housekeeping' money is purely to cover expenses (and is a much smaller amount than living in his own apartment would cost) and does not pay for someone else to tidy up after him. Again, he shouldn't be staying up late, but if he has his own job and it's own responsibility. If he's too tired to his job, or repeatedly late, he'll eventually lose the job, which leads us to option 3.
3) Sign on for benefits. I would put a time limit on how long he can remain at home whilst on the dole (say 3 months), unless he's willing to be open about all of the jobs etc he's applying for. During this time, it is also expected that he does a higher percentage of housework as he is not contributing financially. If he exceeds the time limit set AND showed no initiative/interest in finding a job, it's time to ask him to leave.

I know option 3 sounds harsh, but this is the reality of the situation. He's lucky that he has a support network in place, people who are willing to help him. But, that doesn't give him the right to take advantage, whatever may have happened to him in the past. After all, if you weren't around, he'd have to fend for himself anyway.

If he doesn't agree to any of the options, then he is perfectly entitled to leave and find his own place to live (unless he suggests something else which is also suitable, but I can't think of any examples). But, whilst living with you, he must choose one of the options.