Teenager with no ambition and lives in fantasy world

red_devil

He sounds like a right catch he smokes, is lazy, wants to be run around everwhere and dosent like authority and everything is boring. He probably fell out with his mums partner because he tried to introduce some discipline and he didnt like it. He was used to getting his own way.

Thats why you have ended up with him. The mum got fed up. Personally it would drive me mad having someone around like that. If nothing has changed when he is 18 why not ask him to move out and rent a room. No-one would blame you. The more you do for him and run round after him the worse it will get.

i dont think when he is 18 you should stand for it anymore? The mother did send him a Christmas card wonder if he sent her one.

WhiteHorse

At 18 you can vote (ie interfere in other people's lives), produce children (ie other people), even join the army (and legally kill them).

He needs an almighty boot up his backside. Anything less is actually doing him a disservice.

red_devil

his mums last boyfriend used to turn it off at night and he was called a "control freak" and plenty other unwritable names

thats exactly why as i said he isnt wanted there. You should do the same it your house. Boyfriend had the right idea.

You said you didnt want to see him sleeping on mates floors but maybe it would have done him good and got him motivated. You have just made it easy for him.

BitterAndTwisted

Even if by some miracle this young man does acquire a car of some sort he would never be able to insure it, never mind drive the damned thing!

I think you need to start bargaining with him: he goes to college and actually does some work and then he gets his xbox time. Stroppy teens seem to revert to acting like toddlers so whatever strategies you'd employ on a two year old could work with him. Barring the naughty-step, of course.

I think you and your OH should have a frank discussion about the household income and expenses so that he is absolutely aware that your budget does not have a spare penny in it at the moment. Make it quite clear to him that once he reaches 18 you will not have any financial responsibilities for him and you will have no obligation to even maintain a roof over his head. The only thing which will deter you from asking him to make his own way in the world is your relationship. A relationship which feels entirely one-sided at the moment. Ask him how he thinks he might be able to support himself on a part-time job which rarely turns up for. Find out what rents are for house-shares in your area and tell him what they are. That should put the fear of God into him, and it should.

Sambucus_Nigra

I would start by asking how he is going to pay his share of the family bills once he hits 18.

Where is he going to get his income from?

What is he going to do when you kick him out of the house at 8:30am and don't let him back in until 5:30?

Present this with a full set of bills with 1/3 of each detailed so that he knows what he is aiming to earn to cover it. Don't include the Mortgage in this, but DO include the going rate of a local bedsit/flat.

WhiteHorse

red_devil wrote: »

You said you didnt want to see him sleeping on mates floors but maybe it would have done him good and got him motivated.

I actually did this some years ago. The 18 year old step son was arrogant, aggressive and lazy, so he got booted out.

It was the making of him.

Caz3121

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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How does your step-daughter feel about coming to live with you and do you think you will get the same problems with her?

She is far more mature than he is - she is 16 but many of her friends are 18/19, she is better with money and I think will make her own way in life, move in with friends etc. She has ambition to be a success (even though she is not very academic and may well need to rethink when she does exams/gets results but we encourage her dreams)

POPPYOSCAR

Caz3121 wrote: »

She is far more mature than he is - she is 16 but many of her friends are 18/19, she is better with money and I think will make her own way in life, move in with friends etc. She has ambition to be a success (even though she is not very academic and may well need to rethink when she does exams/gets results but we encourage her dreams)

Why is her mother sending her to you when she leaves school - do they not get on?

soupdragon10

Sounds as though his mother is only interested in her children when she is getting money for them - can't exactly make them feel wanted.

He does sound like a pretty typical teenage boy, with unrealsitic ideas of what he can get without working for it.

Is there a Connexions service near you? Their staff can offer support to help young people find out what they want to do in life, and how to achieve this. If not, the college should also have careers adivsers on staff who will talk to him about the realities of the job market at present.

Does he have any idea what it costs to run your home? Maybe sitting him down with the figures in front of him might just ignite a spark of understanding.

Filey

As he is so interested in cars could he perhaps get a weekend job with a garage/car dealer and then perhaps go to college to train as a mechanic?