Women & Men's Roles, How you see them and where this view comes from...

SugarSpun

I think that women should give birth to the children if the couple wants them - beyond that it's a case of playing to your strengths. I am a dreadful cook, so my husband (a former chef) does the food shopping and cooking. He is constitutionally messy and doesn't see dirt so I do most of the cleaning. I organise the things that need to be done, he takes care of the ones I can't do.

It works.

artybear

I live with my OH, just because he is a man or I am a women doesn't make us pre-ordained to be good at certain things. We share all housework and cooking 50/50 with each person doing tasks that they may prefer or be better at. We also make all decisions jointly (well not all as that would be time consuming but the major ones). I must admit to finding it slightly uncomfortable when some women think men are better than them or the head of the house as I don't see why having a penis automatically makes a person 'in charge'. However I also respect that each couple has to make a relationship work on their own terms so as long as everyone is happy I try to remember to live and let live :-)

Jo.G

Like others have said, we share most cleaning chores. We both work, although I finish early some days to pick the kids up from school. I also work locally and OH travels about 40miles to work each day. But that also means I'm the main taxi driver for the kids weekday activities and it also means OH gets to go the gym most days after work :cool: At the weekends we blitz the house between us, although OH standards arent quite the same as mine so I make sure he doesnt clean the same rooms two weeks on the trot! Laundry and ironing appears to be my job, although he will occasionally do some if I'm behind and I have a big moan. He can and will cook, although during the week as I'm home first I tend to do most of the cooking. He earns loads more than me so pays most bills, but I keep track of all the finances. He hasnt a clue how much each bill is, he just transfers a set amount into an account each month to cover them all. At the weekend we share taking the kids to their various sporting activities but Sunday is our free day (apart from me ironing school shirts). I always have a lie in on Sundays, he chooses to get up quite early then cooks everyone a big breakfast.
I personally couldnt be a stay at home mum, although it would be nice for a few months I think I'd soon get bored. And I like earning my own money and knowing that if I want to buy something for myself I dont have to ask for the money or explain the transaction on a statement.
My parents were quite traditional, mum stayed at home whilst we were small, then had evening jobs. But my dad can cook and now they are both retired they share the housework. The one thing my dad has never done, and refuses to do, is the ironing.
It (mostly) works for us, but I still allow myself to have a moan about it when I feel hard done to :rotfl:

red_devil

my father cant cook or iron etc and when i was growing up my mum did the housechores and went out to work part time. Father worked full time.

Different for me my partner is excellent, cooks, shops, washes up, never moans is a real hard worker he runs his own business too so has a strong work ethic. My ex husband was also like this so my experience with men is that they arent like my father thank-god.

Ifind thier way very old fashioned my father is still the same. He does do the weekly shop though thats probably because my mam is too ill and also he likes to be in control of thats bought. He used to mow the lawn but now they have a gardener in they can afford it.

I dont see why he cant iron and i have told her she should show him incase something happens to her. She wont though just says not my problem then. I find it odd but hey ho.

Mybrother is the same as my father. Dosent do cooking and nobody ever gets invited round for tea or anything. He eats at work.. Prefer my mans way.The funny thing is whenever i speak to my man she always says dads so busy got alot to do? What though i dont know?

I find men that cant do or wont do cooking and cleaning gardening etc unattractive.

Jo_R_2

Great question.

Okay. I believe that as an individual I can fulfil a number of roles which may be traditionally considered 'male' or 'female' roles. Eg I do the lion's share of childcare; I also can change a tyre (v. basic examples here!)

Within a relationship I believe that skill is dominant. I take care if the finances and make the financial decisions because I am best at it. OH does car maintenance because he is best at it. I know that if either were the other way round, the less-skilled of us would 'defer' to the stronger partner regardless of which sex would traditionally fulfil that role.

At the mo I do a lot of traditionally female work in the home as a stay at home mum. I do do a lot I wouldn't 'normally' do but I feel these things (cup of tea when he gets in from work, making his pack up - weird I know but feel very strongly about these!) are things I can attribute the stereotypical 1950s housewife but fall within my 'remit' as the stay at home partner.

My parents were a mixed bag. My mum was way the main earner and because of her hours, my dad did a lot more childcare than a lot of the dads of my friends. They were together when it came to financial decisions and housework, and my dad did the DIY but mum mucked in where she knew how. However my mum still defers to him as the head of the household and even now will do little but noticeable things like always dish up the men's meals first.

I think it is more acceptable nowadays, actually normal for roles to be different, for women to work, for men to be able to stay at home with the children. I do wonder though how this has affected the sexual dynamic between men and women - I can understand why some couples work to the premise of the man being the head of the household although I haven't gotten my head around the concept of the submissive wife!

gonzo127

interesting question - and writing it down i think i might have to see about changing a few things

my wife is currently on a career break to look after our child so is looking after her all day so we only have my wage (work full time) although out of the 2 i know which is more demanding and it isnt my job

as to chores well i dont guess we do gender roles in our house, i always cook mainly because i enjoy it (and am pretty good) and she hates cooking and can kill a jacket spud. she does the washing and ironing mainly because she finds i relaxing (god knows why), DIY is me, gardening is me, shopping is me (because of me doing the cooking), techie stuff is me, vacuuming is me mostly due to the vacuum being a heacy one, dusting is me because shes a shorty, for us gender roles arnt even thought about, as she will even go to the pub/dads/brothers house and watch the football whilst i stay at home to look after the kids

actually thinking about it i do pretty much everything except the childcare and the washing and ironing, i think i need a word with her when i get home...

Danni-R

Its funny that I was brought up in a fairly traditional household where my father did the expected manly things and my mum did the woman things. Like everyone said, it just works when people play to their strenghts. He would cook the sunday roast as he enjoyed it and had the time to.

I'm now facing a whole new challenge as I'm settling down with my GF. Dont know how we're going to spread the work load. She's domesticated and tidy and I am not. But I'm the one who wants a baby and the thought freaks her out. I think with my hips I was built for it though!

nzmegs

I am also a feminist and found myself as a stay at home mum for seven years. I found this very difficult althpough it was the choice I had made. The reason came from my need to be with my children and the fact my husband could earn more than me (that's another issue entirely!)

the problem I had was that i spent my teenage years in the 80's and 90's seeing women starting to achieve more in the workplace and I always believed i would be part of the go-getting thing. I wanted to be wealthy and respected. I wanted something different from what my mother had - independence and respect from my peers and in particular men. it never occured to me that this wouldn't be possible.

then kids come along and you realise that your life is no longer going to go how you planned. you think it is put on the bhack burner, but really those years can never be reclaimed. you begin to realise that as a mother you are sidelined and passed over. My degree made no difference to my kids or the other Mums. My achievements were few and far between - I felt.

As my children have grown I have come to accept that my life is what i make it. I have found a way of gaining self respect and respect in the workplace. At the same time i manage to be a good mother. A became a writer and now make a good living, but I pick up my daughter from school and help with homework.

I am lucky that my husband does at least half the housework, but he did have trouble understanding my reaction to being at home. To him it was a luxury i should be thankful for. but as a feminist and a strong woman I believed I was cut out for more. it took me a while but i found a way to achieve the best of both worlds. I love being a a Mum and a writer and I don't think that motherhood and the workplace should be mutually exclusive.

When it comes to traditional roles it is simply a case or sorting out who is good at what. Chances are the woman will be better at cooking, cleaning etc simply because she was brought up to be. it doesn't mean the man can't learn these skills just as easily. Split the household work depending on the maount of time spent at home. if you are at home and not working then do the housework, man or woman.

Alikay

There are jobs which need doing when you're running a home and raising a family: Money needs to be earned, clothes to be washed, children cared for. meals planned, cooked and shopped for. Both sexes are capable of the jobs, but how a couple divide the work isn't important to anyone else IMO. I happen to be better at most of the domestic and admin stuff. DH works in a well paid industry and is very good at, and focussed on his job. We've both done all the jobs at some point, and some we continue to share.

We have no problems with the division of labour in our partnership, but if either of us felt the other was shirking we'd soon make it clear to them . I think problems occur when someone is not happy with their partner's input in any area

Sublime_2

I always did all the painting and DIY, apart from heavy jobs primarily because I wanted it done properly. I'm a manual reader.