Women & Men's Roles, How you see them and where this view comes from...

pupsicola

I remember clearly an argument errupting between my dad and grandad when I was about 8. I had gone to my grandparents for tea and had asked my grandad to help me with some maths homework. My dad had just arrived and overheard grandad telling me "not to bother worrying about homework, I was a pretty girl, would get married early and didn't need to know much". My dad had steam coming out his ears.

My parents were maybe a bit ahead of their time but when I grew up they didn't have defined male and female roles. Both of them had careers. Whatever needed doing round the house was done by both of them. My dad is a great cook, he can throw stuff in the washing machine, hang it out, iron it etc etc. My mum is okay at diy, can decorate, can change a car tyre if need be. They both do the gardening.

Ive always been raised to think that men and women are equal and shouldn't have defined roles just because of their gender.

pupsicola

Tish_P wrote: »

our grandmothers will remember being sacked as soon as they got married! We should be amazed at how far we've come in such a short time.

This happened to my nan. I remember as we were leaving our wedding reception she hugged me goodbye and asked if I was okay about loosing my career. I remember looking a bit non plussed at her, wondering what she was talking about and thinking she was drunk. Wasn't till we met up after the honeymoon that I found out what she meant :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

LisaLou1982

Growing up, dad worked 6-7 days a week (had his own business) to pay for our family. He paid all the bills. Mum worked part time (self employed mobile hairdresser) and bought all the food and did all the housework and did the gardening and decorating. Dad was not v handy!!

In our house......me and OH both work full time. We have no children. I do all of the cooking and most of the cleaning. He will help if I ask but would never think to use the hoover unless I asked him to!! He loads and empties the dishwasher (i hate doing it!) and does all of the filing of bills etc (i hate doing that too!!). I do all of the food shopping and pay all of the bills from our account as well as organise anything else that needs doing. Any work that needs doing in the house is either done by me or organised by me! In fact, i think i should probably make him pay me a wage as his secretary as he doesnt know what hes doing unless i consult my diary!!! LOL

It seems like OH doesnt actually do that much! I wouldnt have it any other way though, as on the odd occasion that hes tried to cook dinner, ive started interferring in the kitchen as i cant leave alone!! So he just lets me get on with it

lostinrates

jcr16 wrote: »

i don't wanna be equal to a man, i love him being the stronger more able person. he is head of the house, what he says goes, not in a nasty way, but more sort of the bible way ( but were not religous), where it says about the head of the household is the man and the woman comes under his headship. bit old fashioned but i love that, but hubby still listens to my opinions and feelings and ideas and we work as a team, were a very dynamic team and what we set out to do, we do. were very traditional, even tho only in our 20's ( well hubby old now he 30,lol).
.

I am very much the ''girl'' and dh the man but that doesn't make us less equal in rights/responisbility. We have equal roles its just they are not the same.
In fact because we play to our own strengths (not just sex related) there is no comparison to make him ''better'' than me and I would say it gives us as much an oppertunity to be equal than if we id similar things which were more comparable.

Differing roles doesn't mean lack of equality.

fwiw DH is quite old fashioned....not on what I can do, but what he doesn't want me to have to do. He likes to ''take care of me''. But he's not here five days a week...and the rubbish still has to go out! We do have jobs though that we fall into. e.g. at weekends dh and I usually do the animals together. I usually muck out and he feeds....he can lift hay more easily than i, and its nice to have a break. I also save up heavy jobs for him for the weekend because he is stronger.

Ultimately we have one defined rule: he makes the money and I spend it. Thus ensuring we take an equal role in financial management.

nervousftb_3

I guess my boyf and I have settled into pretty traditional roles, but this mainly because it just happens to be where our strengths lie! I'm a bit rubbish at DIY (although I am brilliant at building furniture so this is always my job!) whereas he is a rubbish cook.

I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, and the vast majority of the washing. He does all the 'outdoorsy' jobs, car maintenance, gardening, taking the bins out.

My parents were quite traditional in that my dad worked and mum was a SAHM. However my dad has always worked away Mon-Fri so mum gradually learnt to do all the jobs in and around the house. dad was always in charge of paying bills but apart from that my mum can do pretty much anything else without him . She was alone so much when we were kids that she got used to just getting on with things, even though at times I think she would have liked some help!

jcr16

lostinrates wrote: »

Ultimately we have one defined rule: he makes the money and I spend it. Thus ensuring we take an equal role in financial management.

hubby and i always joke about this, he says he works hard to earn his money and i work hard ensuring i spend every penny of it,lol.:rotfl: Team work.lol

Sambucus_Nigra

I was a civil engineer for 14 yrs -female and OH did an engineering apprenticeship and hated every minute.

We have a pretty equal partnership but I do own the tools in the house.

when I cook, he does the pots and vice versa

I hate ironing so he does that and I sort out the washing.

Jobs like shopping are shared - whichever one of us has done less hours in the week gets the job; at the moment it's him going on a Friday night.

We both like to keep our money in the bank, rather than in someone else's so it works nicely!

kettlefish

We split the chores pretty equally, although DH does his and doesn't seem to see the little extra bits that need doing, such as a letter waiting to be posted, he will of course post it if I ask but he doesn't have much initiative:rotfl:I guess I do some of the jobs which are traditionally seen as manly like the admin etc and I try to explain it to DH (he'd be lost if anything ever happened to me!) but he just doesn't get it! Mind you I'm a bit of a control freak so it suits me just fine

At the moment I'm studying to be a nurse so I don't bring much into the house financially but this will change as of May (if there are any jobs of course!) and I will earn more than DH. We have a joint bank account though so all our money is pooled. DH also had a lot of money (inheritance) when we bought our home, so he has made us financially secure in that way. His job is very much a 9-5 office job; he could progress but with the economic climate (and admittedly his, ahem, "laid back" personality!!) this hasn't happened just yet. My career is one with more progression / earning potential, but when we have kids I will be the one to go part time or possibly even give up work completely - that's just because I've always wanted to be a SAHM and luckily we are in a position to be able to afford that.

Interestingly, my mum was a SAHM and his dad was a SAHD (quite a rarity in the 80s), so we've seen it from both sides. I guess that just proves it's a personal thing for each couple.

onlyroz

jcr16 wrote: »

i don't wanna be equal to a man, i love him being the stronger more able person. he is head of the house, what he says goes, not in a nasty way, but more sort of the bible way ( but were not religous), where it says about the head of the household is the man and the woman comes under his headship.

Oh. My. God.

Stormybay

I'm a lone parent, therefore I do everything!!!
My wallpapering leaves a LOT to be desired, but I make a mean roast