Nursery - advice please,,,,,

Mice_Elf

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

They tell me not to stay because I'll make things worse but I find it so hard to go so I stay for a little while and play with toys to try and take his mind off it. Then I use an excuse like 'Mama need's the toilet' 'just going to get something' anything and I leave.

I've tried so many things, bringing in something he likes, giving him my spare set of keys [so he thinks I'm not going home as he thinks I wait outside] Making a book at home with fun things about going to Nursery,,, many things nothing works.

I haven't read any replies, so apologies if this has been said, but don't tell him "Mama's going to the toilet" or tell him what is tantamount to a fib & then leave him at nursery. He needs to be able to trust you & if you don't come back after telling him that you're only going for a few minutes, he'll worry that you're going to disappear whenever you leave.

Instead, tell him that Mummy is going shopping / home / or just that Mummy is going but "will be back soon". Big kisses, "Love you" and go. Don't hang about as it will make him more distraught & try (hard though it is - you have my sympathies), try not to show sadness or cry or that you're having a hard time leaving as well.

After all, if you're getting upset at leaving him - why shouldn't he be upset at staying?

It's so, so hard.

Is there a window you could peek into after a few minutes, so that he won't see you, but that you can reassure yourself that he is now settled? Or a key worker that you can place him with every time who he will begin to bond / trust & not be so upset?

Mice_Elf

Ah...I see I should read the entire thread before posting & not just leap in...

You've made a great start & yes, it is SO hard to do the tough love thing. But, they still love us.

rachbc

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

Thank you I shall try some of that, can't tell him I'm going home to clean because he LOVES cleaning lol he'll want to come. I let him bring his little henry the hoover into Nursery today then said it was ok to help him settle so that helped a tad

With my dd taking something to 'show' the teacher/ helper has really helped - she was terrible clingy - having to be physically pulled of my legs, kicking and trashing. Now she often takes a drawing, toy or somesuch with her - I take her coat off and say 'go and show x to...whatever staff member is nearby' and off she potters.

Sounds like are doing brilliantly for day one xxx

moonbeam2007

rachbc wrote: »

With my dd taking something to 'show' the teacher/ helper has really helped - she was terrible clingy - having to be physically pulled of my legs, kicking and trashing. Now she often takes a drawing, toy or somesuch with her - I take her coat off and say 'go and show x to...whatever staff member is nearby' and off she potters.

Sounds like are doing brilliantly for day one xxx

LITTLE UPDATE.
I did 2 days of all the things people advised and although he still cried they said it only lasted a few mins and was getting better.

THEN, he gets Mumps Now he is off and won't be going back until he is better and he's telling me ''No more school Mama it all done'' Great! now I'm sure it will be even harder when he goes back but I shall keep on with all the great advice I have got and fingers crossed it will work.

Nicki

Bad luck!

I might be inclined to drop into the conversation a few times over the next week how interested everyone will be to hear about his mumps, and how pleased they will be to see him back, and how much they'll be missing him. With a bit of luck he might be excited to show off to them a bit on his first day back, rather than make too much fuss about going back.

moonbeam2007

Nicki wrote: »

Bad luck!

I might be inclined to drop into the conversation a few times over the next week how interested everyone will be to hear about his mumps, and how pleased they will be to see him back, and how much they'll be missing him. With a bit of luck he might be excited to show off to them a bit on his first day back, rather than make too much fuss about going back.

That's a good idea. I am doing a book with him putting in things he made at nursery he's doing it with me and seems to be enjoying it so far so fingers crossed.

sjc3

My daughter was fine going to nursery for the first few weeks. Then she started crying and getting in a state. The key-worker there said that its not unusual. They can have little blips. I was advised to tell her that I was going shopping or going home to do the washing/ironing/housework. Anything that would make her think mummy was having a really boring morning. I emphasised to her all the lovely things she could be doing instead.

It was really hard having to be quite cold with her and just saying "mummy will be back at 1230 see you later" and just leaving. In no time though she settled back into it all again.

Its so hard isn't it.

moonbeam2007

sjc3 wrote: »

My daughter was fine going to nursery for the first few weeks. Then she started crying and getting in a state. The key-worker there said that its not unusual. They can have little blips. I was advised to tell her that I was going shopping or going home to do the washing/ironing/housework. Anything that would make her think mummy was having a really boring morning. I emphasised to her all the lovely things she could be doing instead.

It was really hard having to be quite cold with her and just saying "mummy will be back at 1230 see you later" and just leaving. In no time though she settled back into it all again.

Its so hard isn't it.

It is very hard and tomorrow my little lad goes back after over a week off from being poorly.

Here we go again But I know [and hope] in time it will pay off will feel awful again tomorrow but I know deep down I need to do right thing for him.

balletshoes

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

It is very hard and tomorrow my little lad goes back after over a week off from being poorly.

Here we go again But I know [and hope] in time it will pay off will feel awful again tomorrow but I know deep down I need to do right thing for him.

Do you think maybe your little lad is picking up from you that you don't really want him to go to nursery (I know from previous posts that you don't really like being away from him at all). This could be making it harder for the pair of you - if you think you're doing the right thing for him by sending him to nursery, you really have to keep that as the focus in your mind and in your actions, and put aside the feelings that you miss him and are miserable when he's at nursery.

I know its hard, but it will make it easier on the pair of you if you're upbeat and content about him going to nursery.

dangers

It might help if he nursery has something along the lines of a visual timetable or can say to your ds; right we are going to have some play, then snack, then another play followed by story and then it will be home time -this depends upon their routine of course. I had one yesterday who just before snack said "Mummy here now?" and I replied that no, it was snack time, then we would have another play and then mummy would come. That satisified the little one.