Nursery - advice please,,,,,

Plans_all_plans

I really think he is picking up on your anxiety. Try to stay calm, firm and focused tomorrow.

At that age they don't always understand when you're trying to rationalise to them, that's why tough love often works in my opinion.

moonbeam2007

Nicki wrote: »

You are making things a lot worse by lying to him IMO. Imagine being little and scared and waiting and watching the toilet door for mummy to come back out again, and suddenly realizing that she has just disappeared. I'm not surprised he is hysterical.

I think you need to at least try taking the advice of the nursery staff who have dealt with this kind of issue time and time again. So you take him to nursery, you tell him you are going, you will be back after he has done x ( whatever the last activity of the session is, with ours it was story time), give him a kiss and leave without a backward glance. No drawing it out and definitely no hanging around outside peeping in the windows because he WILL see you. If after a week or so he still hasn't settled, then speak to the nursery staff again to see if they have ideas as to how to make him feel more settled. But the fact he is fine when you pick him up shows that it isn't that he hates nursery itself, just that he is finding the parting from you hard.

Thank you your very right in what you say the fact he is ok 10 mins later and when I collect him speaks volumes x

moonbeam2007

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I really think he is picking up on your anxiety. Try to stay calm, firm and focused tomorrow.

At that age they don't always understand when you're trying to rationalise to them, that's why tough love often works in my opinion.

I know he says 'Police man called and said no school today' lol he tells me the teacher told him not to go back, he comes out with all sorts, little monkey.

Valli

I would just reiterate what so many other poster have said - they do calm down after they are left and (I know it's hard) a simple, uncomplicated routine and a brisk 'bye and go' is far better than lying.
They DO calm down after they are left and they DO pick up on your anxiety. Nicki's post was spot on, as was the post of PinkLipgloss.

moonbeam2007

pandora205 wrote: »

The good news is your son has formed a strong attachment to you - and that's the basis for him feeling secure and forming close relationships with others in the future. The bad news is he's going through some age appropriate separation anxiety that is causing you major stress problems. Assuming that this is a happy, stimulating nursery where the staff are caring and the children play freely in a healthy fun way, your son is fine. He stops crying and plays. He makes friends. He is gainfully busy (all assumptions - if not, it's the wrong setting - look for somewhere else). Unfortunately prolonged goodbyes can feed into separation anxiety and make it worse for all concerned.... As a mum you feel protective and guilty, as a child he feels that it's not safe for you to leave (otherwise you would have gone).

Young children have short memories. They don't know that adults come back after they disappear. As far as they are concerned, a parent leaving has gone forever. However, through experience they learn that it's okay... that mum comes back. That other adults are there to help and care.

In this situation probably the best approach is to start with short separations (say a couple of hours) and to build up gradually, but to keep the leaving brief. Being matter of fact when going, showing confidence in the staff, maybe saying 'bye X. I'm just going home/to work for a while. I'll be back soon' then leaving is the best way to go. The staff will have met this many times and will know how to comfort, distract and engage a distraught child. Maybe ask them to take a photo of him settled so you can be reassured?

The thing is he only goes 2 1/2 hours a session so it's not very long. they have a mobile that I call some times so maybe they could send me a photo if they don't think I'm being cheeky.

onlyroz

Speak to the staff and find out what he's like after you've gone. Most likely, within 10 mins he's fine. It's much better if you don't stick around once he's dropped off. Hand him over at the door and walk away. It'll be hard, the first few times, but really it's for the best.

Nicki

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

I know he says 'Police man called and said no school today' lol he tells me the teacher told him not to go back, he comes out with all sorts, little monkey.

:rotfl:

It might not be any consolation but my DS1 still does this...... It was his eleventh birthday today!



(he loves school really )

moonbeam2007

Nicki wrote: »

:rotfl:

It might not be any consolation but my DS1 still does this...... It was his eleventh birthday today!



(he loves school really )

So I have years of it to come lol he starts big school in Sept, he'll not long have turned 4 so he'll be very young and I need to get him used to going.

Tuff love here I come

moonbeam2007

onlyroz wrote: »

Speak to the staff and find out what he's like after you've gone. Most likely, within 10 mins he's fine. It's much better if you don't stick around once he's dropped off. Hand him over at the door and walk away. It'll be hard, the first few times, but really it's for the best.

I call about 10-15 mins after and they say he's not crying so he does stop, I think I have just made things worse for him.

pandora205

As it's only a short session I wouldn't shorten it. If the staff say he's fine after you've gone, then perhaps try to reduce your own anxiety and have confidence in them. Could you go shopping with a friend, play a sport (or something) or otherwise get very busy so that you aren't worrying - then reward yourself for getting through the morning?