Nursery - advice please,,,,,

delerium

My DD goes through stages of this all the time. She's 4 now but been at the same nursery with the same staff and same peers since she was 6 months! She is also very popular in her peer group, they all come over and talk to her when she comes in in the morning too.


Personally when I reflect on when it happens it is ALWAYS related to my mood and anxiety. DD is extremely perceptive and picks up on it immediately if I'm not right!! She is absolutely fine within 5 mins of me leaving and refuses to come home!! She never plays up when her Dad takes her!

HTH

MX5huggy

She never plays up when her Dad takes her!

Exactly how about sharing the dropping off? No messing when I drop the little one off, I am out that door before the little one knows what is happening I pay the Nursery to look after him.

moonbeam2007

MX5huggy wrote: »

Exactly how about sharing the dropping off? No messing when I drop the little one off, I am out that door before the little one knows what is happening I pay the Nursery to look after him.

I'm a single parent and he sadly doesn't see his Dad.
I have got my sister to do it but he won't go without me too.

I am dropping him off at 12.30 today so wish me luck, I'll come home and keep busy doing my work which I'm behind on so a few hours of replying to emails and ordering stock and I should be busy enough to keep my mind at bay? Hope.

Thanks all x

building_with_lego

I had the same issue with my DS after a few preschool sessions; we made a strong 'saying goodbye at preschool' routine of cloakroom, loo visit and kiss, and it's made a huge difference. Up until the Xmas break he *accepted* going, but he now runs in and has such a great time. Your lad will get through this phase

I helped out at the preschool a couple of weeks ago so was able to observe how the staff dealt with this same situation. A child was having a settling in session- only an hour and a half- and had arrived mid morning. His mum hung around for a bit as he was clearly upset and increasingly so. After 20 minutes or so the staff hurried her out of the door, they told him she was going to buy something for their lunch, and they dispatched one of them to do 'drawing therapy' with him. Cue a drawing of a house with empty windows and lots of questions about who of his family should go in each window. Within minutes he was calm and interacting with her, instructing her and laughing together.

As a parent it was great to be able to see it, very reassuring, and he then joined in with the rest of the group until Mum came back.
It does seem to be a very common phase so don't worry tooooo much! Give them a ring after 20 minutes or so, then you can enjoy the rest of your time to yourself.

Mopsypops

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

I'm a single parent and he sadly doesn't see his Dad.
I have got my sister to do it but he won't go without me too.

I am dropping him off at 12.30 today so wish me luck, I'll come home and keep busy doing my work which I'm behind on so a few hours of replying to emails and ordering stock and I should be busy enough to keep my mind at bay? Hope.

Thanks all x

Good Luck

Its soo dificult isnt it, My little boy done this too after weeks of being totaly fine at nursery but i kept firm (until i was outside and then i cried all the way to college till i phoned and he was fine!!) and he did stop after a few weeks :T

My daughter is 3 years and and 4 months old and i have been a SAHM so we spend all of our time together so she has had a few little wobbles and its heartbreaking! But again i have kept firm when dropping her off and i make sure we talk about nursery loads the night before like what is she going to play with? Will she paint me a picture? etc and again in the morning, I also tell her what im going to do and then what WE will do when ive picked her up

On dropping her off i say good morning to her nursery teacher, change shoes, she hangs up her jacket on her peg, I give her a hug and a kiss and say goodbye, There has been a few times where she walks after me, i dont hang about but will say something like remember to paint mummy that picture we spoke about and then i leave and dont look back until ive walked done the path and know for sure she will be busy playing

Hopefully today will be better for both of you

craftdaft

I teach P1 (Reception) so the kids are a bit older than your child but I've never had a child cry for more than 5-10 mins after parents leave. I try to encourage parents to follow same routine (is. say bye, kiss, say I'll see you in x hours). I sometimes ask the child to do something the next day, eg. could you please be at the start of the line ready to lead everybody in or so and so is a bit shy about coming to school, could you hold their hand, etc. This can work if pupil isn't too distraught. Also the bribe of stickers can work:rotfl:

TBH it's the parents I feel sorry for as I know they spend the whole day worrying but as soon as they have gone the child calms down. If I get the chance I try to phone the parent but it sounds as if your nursery is communicating well with you/reassuring you that he's fine when you've gone.

I know it's hard but it sounds as if you are doing the right thing and I'm sure it will pass.

ETA: it can sometimes help if you tell them how boring your morning is going to be, eg. loads of housework, sitting at a computer, etc. He might start to think he'd be better off at nursery with friends than at home having to dust, etc! I guess this depends on his level of understanding though, like I said I work with slightly older children.

laurenjs88

Hope you got on ok today!

moonbeam2007

laurenjs88 wrote: »

Hope you got on ok today!

Ok Ladies and Gents update,,,

I went in with him took his coat off gave him a big kiss and said 'Mummy loves you big much [our little thing] and I'm going now but I'll be back very soon, oh I'd love a painting please' Then I walked out

He was talking to me the whole time I was saying the above he was saying 'mummy stay here little bit] but I had to ignore it.

I walked away he started crying and it took all my strength to keep walking. Got outside and my tears came, wasn't nice.

Rushed home sat watching the clock for 5 mins then called, the teacher said 'Oh he's sat down with x y z and their playing he's fine stopped crying after 2-3 mins'

Well what a difference one day makes, so next session I'll do the same thing and keep going until he's happy and settled going.

THANK YOU everyone for your great advice, very hard to do tuff love when you love your kids so much but I can see now this is for the best for him.

Thank you all again :T :T :T :beer:

moonbeam2007

craftdaft wrote: »

I teach P1 (Reception) so the kids are a bit older than your child but I've never had a child cry for more than 5-10 mins after parents leave. I try to encourage parents to follow same routine (is. say bye, kiss, say I'll see you in x hours). I sometimes ask the child to do something the next day, eg. could you please be at the start of the line ready to lead everybody in or so and so is a bit shy about coming to school, could you hold their hand, etc. This can work if pupil isn't too distraught. Also the bribe of stickers can work:rotfl:

TBH it's the parents I feel sorry for as I know they spend the whole day worrying but as soon as they have gone the child calms down. If I get the chance I try to phone the parent but it sounds as if your nursery is communicating well with you/reassuring you that he's fine when you've gone.

I know it's hard but it sounds as if you are doing the right thing and I'm sure it will pass.

ETA: it can sometimes help if you tell them how boring your morning is going to be, eg. loads of housework, sitting at a computer, etc. He might start to think he'd be better off at nursery with friends than at home having to dust, etc! I guess this depends on his level of understanding though, like I said I work with slightly older children.

Thank you I shall try some of that, can't tell him I'm going home to clean because he LOVES cleaning lol he'll want to come. I let him bring his little henry the hoover into Nursery today then said it was ok to help him settle so that helped a tad

FunnySaving

Sounds like you've made a good start on the routine! Can you try to think about it as a couple of days of feeling terrible as an investment in the future where you are both a lot happier when you drop him off? If you do it now, then by the time you are leaving him for longer periods, you'll both be used to the routine and be able to cope with it more easily. If you leave it, then you'll feel even worse trying to drop him off when he has to go to school for a whole morning, then a full day etc, so for every time he gets worked up now now, you're creating another one in the future by buying into it.

Also, you don't have to think of it as tough love - you're showing him how to cope with being left at nursery so he can be a happy, sociable boy - there's nothing mean about that!