Love, lust and the percentage of each...

SailorSam

hieveryone wrote: »

Sometimes I wonder if I should just stick with it and make do.. I worry I won't find anyone better. And I may not be all that myself..?

I think we've all been there and sooner or later we've all realised that you've got to jump.
It's better to have no one for a while than be stuck with someone who doesn't make your toes curl.

Magicboo

Don't stay with someone because you are worried about not finding someone else, and don't worry about not finding someone else, and stop pining over lost loves!
Sorry, don't mean to sound bossy, but what you are saying rings bells with me! I am 33 now, was single for 6 years after breaking up with "The Love of My Life". I watched all my friends getting married and popping out kids, had a couple of flings, tried to convince myself that it felt "right" with them, when I knew it wasn't really. Then I went on a few dating websites, had a few dates, nothing special again-in fact, some very odd ones!-until one day I had an email from a new chap. On our first date we spent 5 hours talking on a dog walk, 5 weeks later he moved into my house, 4 months after that he proposed and we are getting married in 3 months! If I could talk to me 6 years ago, i would tell myself to go out and have fun, not worry about finding someone and not to settle for anything less than amazing. It's not just about the "phwooarr!" factor, it's the whole package. I think you've made your mind up really, be brave.

ViolaLass

I don't want to contradict the advice you've been given so far, but are you on the Pill? I was for years and it wasn't until I stopped using it (and got a coil instead) that I realised what it had been doing to my libido. I was happy having sex once a month before, now there are times through the month when I jump on my OH (rather than him on me), which was a very welcome change for both of us!

nattyt

thorsoak wrote: »

At first, love and lust do go together....I still remember when I could get all gooey at the knees just thinking about getting home and having the evening together - and that's after nearly 48 years!

However, lust does die down - you begin to get bogged down with humdrum every day life - children, chores, bills and sheer tiredness take over - and even love can start to slip slowly down - and I can also remember groaning inwardly every time the door would open and he'd come in! But life changes and turns,the spark of love/lust can and does reignite - and so can passion - and although 6 times a night might not happen anymore, it can still be great. Love, lust and respect all go together though - and I think that as long as one or two of the strands remain, the bond is still strong.

I should know - I miss my man like crazy - he was buried on Friday last.

I read this thinking how wise then read the last bit and I want to cry. Hugs. xxxx

barbiedoll

Life is too short to "settle" for anything less than your perfect man. Who, when you meet him, will not be noticeable to anyone else as perfect. But he will be perfect for you.

As thorsoak says, of course love and lust go together at first, it's only life that drags you down, we can't all be in a state of permanant sexual excitement all day (sadly! ) Me and DH hardly see each other all week, we work different shifts and as for s e x.....it's a distant memory at the moment . But......he's still the man I love and even though he drives me mad sometimes and I could quite cheerfully bury him under the patio without a second thought when he moans about my driving, he's still the only one I want and I'd be lost without him.

This man is not right for you, we don't need to tell you that. At your age, the world is your oyster. Be nice, let him go and move on. (And remember, you'll only meet your perfect man when you are wearing horrid knickers and you haven't shaved your legs! :rotfl:)

hieveryone

Thanks everyone - I think I do know my answer. I know it sounds so shallow but little things he does p!ss me off, and I know it's a resentment building in me and not necessarily anything to do with him. As for sex/attraction etc, if I looked at him in his boxers, not much would stir

Tish_P

I think those little, irrationally annoying things are your instincts telling you that something you can't put your finger on is wrong. In fact, I giggled when I read your signature because yonks ago I had an ex who would say "brought" when he meant "bought" and it ground my gears SO MUCH that deep down it can't actually have been about the trivial mistake.
"He moved to London and brought a house", he'd say. AARGH!

CallaLily

If I'd of stayed with the cheating ex-husband I settled with as I thought I couldn't do any better I'd never of met my wonderful hubby who I've been with for 10 years this year and yes he still makes me weak at the knees at times .
Don't settle because more than likely you'll regret it and miss out on meeting someone really special, and until then have fun nights out with your friends rather than pulling nights out and you'll probably meet someone new when you least expect it, I did .

Jinx

I think you need a good dose of love and lust...... Lust without basic compatibility doesnt work (been there done that) and love without lust doesnt seem a good option either...isn't that just a friend?

I've been with my hubby for 6 years and hope we have the balance right.. We're mad about each other but love just being together too.....hes my best friend We can also annoy the life out of each other but there is no one we'd rather annoy LOL

jcr16

Jinx wrote: »

We can also annoy the life out of each other but there is no one we'd rather annoy LOL

but don't you find those, those annoying little things they do, just makes you love them even more. My hubby will never put his socks in the wash basket, always on the floor in front of basket :rotfl: it annoys me, but i love his quirky little ways. i love the way when he just doesn't reaslie the kitchen bin needs empting so will carefully balance stuff on it, instead of changing the bag. it so annoying , and put take longer to balance stuff than change the bag, but i wouldn't have ti any other way. ( he does change the bag, he not useless, just sometimes it almost like he is obvilous to the fact it needs empting, lol. i wouldn't have him any other way, i love him just excatly the way he is.