Love, lust and the percentage of each...

headoutthesand

manda1205 wrote: »

And surprisingly you are prob more like to meet someone out in supermarket, work, anywhere other than clubs etc going specificly to pull. He could even live a few doors down and youve just never crossed paths yet,!

Since being single, I've been asked out by a fireman who came to install fire alarms in my home, dated my new neighbour and an electrician who rewired my house.

had a relationship with one guy I met online, had a few dates with anyother but never, ever had anything more than a snog with a guy I met at the dancing/pub.

hieveryone

manda1205 wrote: »

Oh thats very sad that you feel that way, and I mean that in a I could just give you a hug way, not you are sad IYSWIM. Digging a hole here I think. But you really shouldnt feel like that. No one should just make do, you may as well be on your own than make do. And surprisingly you are prob more like to meet someone out in supermarket, work, anywhere other than clubs etc going specificly to pull. He could even live a few doors down and youve just never crossed paths yet, thats the point you just dont know when you could meet him. But making do just wont do!

Thank you my break up with my ex was bad. Really bad.. and he was my first big love. I threw myself into work, went travelling - you name it to get over him. And it worked, or so I thought. All I've become is a hard nosed cow who doesn't want to get too involved with anyone in case it all backfires. Can't remember the last time I cried yet I'm sitting having a wee tear because I'm worried I won't ever lust anyone again.. :o

hieveryone

headoutthesand wrote: »

I've been in a relationship (marriage anyway) where I had what you are describing just now. I ended up hating everything he did down to the way he drank his tea. I was with him for 8 years, married and had 2 kids. I'm with the others and say you already know the answer.

Re the settling comment.....
I left my husband when I was 27 making myself a single mum of 2. It's a lot easier to find someone when you're mid twenties and without kids. Let your hair down and live a little. If you were dating before you met him (7 months ago really), then you'll be dating again soon enough.

Lifes too short, and it's not fair on him once he learns he's the consolation prize - cos he will. Trust me.

That rings soooo true with me! There's things he does that I actually have to look away and bite my tongue in case I say something really mean!

Nottoobadyet

To be honest, I know couples that never had much phowar. That's ok, they're happy and want to be settled and have a family and honestly love each other, so didn't miss having that first year of tearing off each others buttons.

I'll be honest, I've been with the same bloke since I was 17 (6 years!) and still have the phowar a few times a week, but dont have the plans of long term commitment. That's ok for me where I am in my life right now, but I guess its proof that just because its there doesn't mean all is well.

If you have neither, then get yourself back on the market and find yourself a stubbly mr butler

hieveryone

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

To be honest, I know couples that never had much phowar. That's ok, they're happy and want to be settled and have a family and honestly love each other, so didn't miss having that first year of tearing off each others buttons.

I'll be honest, I've been with the same bloke since I was 17 (6 years!) and still have the phowar a few times a week, but dont have the plans of long term commitment. That's ok for me where I am in my life right now, but I guess its proof that just because its there doesn't mean all is well.

If you have neither, then get yourself back on the market and find yourself a stubbly mr butler

That's interesting. But perhaps it does boil down to what each person needs and what they are willing to 'put up with'. I do want to settle down and all the rest of it... but I also want to feel lust and the desire to be sexy for someone etc.. shaving legs, fake tan and nail varnish etc isn't such a chore when it's for someone you want to impress.

It would be the easy option for me to stay with this guy. I know he wants all that too, sooner rather than later probably!

nattyt

Don't watch romantic films lol!! They get you thinking!! No seriously DO NOT 'make do'. I've just come out of a 9 year relationship....yes he was gorgeous...yes i still have 'certain' thoughts about him...and no i'd never go back there. I met him when i was 23. Fell madly madly in love. Right until the end the lust was still there (which sort of makes it all harder!!). I look back now and realise that in my naivety i'd decided that he was 'the one' , i was going to have kids with him etc etc. And i did have kids with him and shouldn't have tbh (although i'd never ever change them) so don't fall into that. But if i'm honest now i had your frame of mind...all my friends are single etc and was scared to get out for fear of starting again. I now find myself 32 years old, single and quite honestly loving it!! There is no such thing as 'the one'. Just 'the one' for that stage of your life. Don't obsess over your ex. Get rid of the other and live your life. Its not a dress rehearsal...one life live it! I'm sure as hell gonna!! xxxxx

Nottoobadyet

Just to clarify, I dont think either I nor my friends without the phowar "settled" - we got what we were looking for in our relationships and the other bits weren't as important to us. If it feels like "settling" or just the easy option, thats when I feel something probably isnt right.

Does anyone remember that show, Coupling? I remember a scene that goes a bit like this:

Girl: Women want someone who will love and care for you and ravish you in the bedroom, who is smouldering, handsome and who will treat you right. But at the end of the day, we'll settle for a man!
Boyfriend: What? Does that mean you've just settled for me??
Girl: Dont be paranoid, darling! Of course I have.

hieveryone

That's the thing - he loves me to bits, I know he does. Looks after me, would do anything for me etc. But I don't have the 'phwoar', and maybe for me personally I really need that?

Nottoobadyet

hieveryone wrote: »

That's the thing - he loves me to bits, I know he does. Looks after me, would do anything for me etc. But I don't have the 'phwoar', and maybe for me personally I really need that?

Maybe. Sounds perfectly healthy to me.

hieveryone

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

Maybe. Sounds perfectly healthy to me.

The needing it is healthy or the rest? :-/