Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

vikki_louise

WhyIsSavingSoHard wrote: »

This is such a tough one, but I've had the same happen with gifts I've given to children. I always have a thank you sent by my Goddaughter's mum, but used to buy for four other youngsters in my family too without a thank you even when I handed the presents over. And money's really tight here too. In the end, I explained that I can't afford to buy for everyone so am only buying for immediate family now and they understood without me having to say about the thank you's.

If you still want to get your Goddaughter something, why not tell her Mum that you can't afford to spend as much now and get a token gift (sales are always great for saving pennies while buying something that was a substantial price). I would buy a pretty writing set and pen as part of the present which might encourage her to write her own thank you's out. You can get some lovely ones in pretty storage boxes so she'll have the box to keep afterwards. I always got notelets for Christmas when I was a child and Boxing Day was our day for writing them out.

Thats what I would of said

bennett2kuk

The thing is though as well god parents don't matter much in today's society. I have a god mother and I've seen her what...once in the past 10 years. We're atheist so have no need for "god parents" and didn't want our kid indoctrinated into the cult of christianity so we'll be avoiding that particular land mine in future.

Marco12452

Talk to the parents, tell them you are considering stopping the presents now they are getting older.

moonbeam2007

MSE_Lee wrote: »

Please give this MoneySaver the benefit of your advice...

Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

I've bought my 10-year-old god-daughter a present every birthday and Christmas since she was born, with never a thank you from her or her parents. I was brought up to write thank you letters or to phone and thank anyone who kindly bought me gifts. My other friends send thank-yous on their childrens' behalf, and when the children are old enough they send me lovely notes or drawings. I usually spend about £20 on my god-daughters' presents (which I can't always afford). I don't have children myself so the gifts aren't reciprocated. Should I risk upsetting my friend by telling her I'm offended she doesn't acknowledge my gifts? Should I stop buying her daughter presents even though it's not her fault? Or do I just spend less?

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I have the same issue with my nieces but as they've got older I can see they just have no sense of money. Their both older now one is 12 the other is 15 so I say ''did you get your gift'' they say yes, I say '' a Thank you would be nice girls''

But as the one you speaking about is younger I'd say something to her Mum. Just over a cuppa so not causing a big issue but next time say ''did she like it?'' and say ''Maybe a phone call or a Thank you could be done I'd like that''

It's very hard but my son is 3 and his please and Thank you's are amazing he does it without being asked because I have raised him to do so.

If she's your friend she won't have a paddy about it, Good luck

Angie606

I think it's quite wrong that you've never had a thank you from the child or parent; I always send a thank you to whoever has bought for my children and for someone in your position, I buy a small present for their birthday and Christmas. I would consider in future only buying a small inexpensive gift (£5-8) for their birthday. You could also say to your friend that you had a lovely thank you card from another child you had bought for, which was so thoughtful - might just get the message across!

happy2B

Presumably you still want to have good relations with them. SO whilst you would be perfectly justified in stopping the presents, I would subtly embarrass them into it - wait a couple of weeks after giving, and then send a short note saying "I just wanted to check if your child received the gift as I'd heard nothing back and thought it might have got lost in the post."

I wouldn't take it too much to heart as children these days often don't write much in the way of letters - but if you continue then definitely reduce the cost to what you can comfortably afford.

lolly_896

My children have been brought up to say thank you, but writing cards we never get around too! - I buy them with the intention of sending them but 6 weeks later i come across them, and think it's too late

Ivrytwr3

kazzamoran

DoogieH wrote: »

I can't empathise with this situation at all. If you want to give someone a gift, do so freely without expectation of anything in return. In my book anything else isn't really a gift.

Oh, and if you can't afford to give a gift, then don't!

Gifts given out of duty, or grudgingly, or in expectation of reciprocation, would be better not given at all in my opinion.

I don't think it's about reciprocity but common courtesy! However, it's not the child's fault if the parents haven't taught them manners. I would say if it bugs you enough to post about it then stop buying gifts. You can always stick the money you would have spent on presents in an account for her until she's older and (hopefully) more appreciative.
I have a similar dilemma with my goddaughter but it's not about the money, or receiving a thank you note, its the sheer weight of toys she already has which I think is unnecessary and most of them only get a cursory glance! I just think it's so wasteful for things she doesn't appreciate and I have now stopped buying her gifts. Funnily enough, the subject has not yet been brought up, but no doubt will when I'm handed her Christmas list!

kazzamoran

Why don't you find out their address (surely a 5 minute only task) and write and thank them for all their presents/kindnesses over the years rather than keep accepting gifts and never acknowledging them? just a thought