What is the point in my being alive?

SimIsOnTheUp

There isn't one.

I tried to make inroads into sorting out my £14,000 of debt today.

- https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/40614220#Comment_40614220

Contacted my Council regarding the HB Overpayment; Have to write in to the Council, and I can't even think straight. At least the Council agreed not to bill my Housing Association with £430 for the HB Overpayment (Council were going to).

Called my Housing Association re the Rent arrears (I'd paid off £300 yesterday, but there is still £155 left);

I also called nPower, and asked if I could go back to my old arrangement of £11 per week, but it looks doubtful. She has to check with their 'SAFE Team' and call me back tomorrow.

Called Working Tax Credits and let them know that my job has come to an end. They've told me that I will still be entitled to a 4 week run on.

However, as my sole income is now the 'run on' of WTC for 4 weeks, of £100 per week and no wages coming in now, there is no way I can even pay my current bills, let alone my debts.

I was starting to fill out the paperwork for a Debt Relief Order, from the CCCS this evening, when I realised I can't even go for a DRO now, because when I went through the figures with the CCCS last July, I was on ESA..

Now I'm on the 'run on of WTC' surely the CCCS / Insolvency Service will see that I can't even keep on top of my current bills (I'm into a deficit), and so that'll be £90 wasted on the DRO, as it'll no doubt be revoked.

So then, I think I could go back on to ESA for 2!/ 3 weeks, just while I sort my home phone out ready for my new self - employed job next month. But then, I won't be entitled to ESA as my mental health / alcoholism "can't be put own the form again" according to the chap at the DWP..

So, I'm screwed. I can't stay on WTC, pay my current bills, wait until next month to start self - employment, or even go back onto ESA, just so I can go for the DRO.

There is no way out of this situation. Can't eat. Haven't got out of my dressing gown since Sunday. Have no energy to even go out.!Feel SCARED to go outside.

I haven't been out my flat since last Saturday. At least I'm sober, and not p*ssing anyone else off out in the pubs.

I have no real friends. No Girlfriend (I ended things yesterday, as we just weren't working. She'd become violent every so often). No love.

Haven't spoke to my Dad, Auntie and Cousin for a year and a half, due to many and varied reasons.

I can calmly and rationally say that my life is pointless. No meaning, and nothing to give to someone else.

Not even scared anymore. Scared there is no afterlife, but the fact that there is no way out has ground me down to a halt.

Even when I try and sort my bills / debts out, there is a brick wall, and I've had enough. Exhausted.

Lonely.

Sorry for offloading here, but I just can't see any way out of this.

Sim x

twistedhazel

Hi there, didn't want to read and run - I know it seems like too much to tackle but you have to remember that it's only money. I realise that it's easy to say that and it wont automatically make it easier to deal with but it is true.

You sound like you really need to talk to someone do you have a friend who you can call or any family at all close by? If not I always remember that the Samaritans are available 24/7 for a chat if you need them. Even just someone to call round for a chat - you don't have to get into the whole debt thing with them - just having someone round for a cuppa tomorrow perhaps?

I don't have any advise to offer except that people do care and will help so hang on in there and you will be able to get through this.

newworld_2

ddnt want to read and run. i have no advice to offer regarding your financial situation but im sure someone will come along and offer some. all i can say is there is every reason for you being alive im sure your family love you even though you havent been in touch. hope things get better soon. hugs

determined_new_ms

sim even though you can't see a way out of this - there is one I promise. Right now you are frightened and overwhelmed but things can and will improve. You can't pay what you don't have so don't worry about that, contact CCCS tomorrow and get some advice. Likely you will need to write to the people you owe money to offering a token payment or no payment until your situation improves, you have a job to start in a few weeks so things will improve.

Its fantastic that you've stopped drinking - good for you! If your relationship was unhealthy then you've made the right decision and you're seeing things through the haze of grief right now, but over time things will seem better - look you're already taking positive step t improve your situation. Any chance of re-contacting your family?

Stay strong sim, better times are around the corner for you x

Pink-Angel

Hi there, I'm so sorry things feel so awful right now. I can't offer any suggestions about your financial situation, but wanted to offer some support, as someone who has experienced some pretty crap things in my life and found that things can get better even when it feels they won't. As Twistedhazel said, please remember that the Samaritans are there day and night if it helps to talk. Do reach out to friends too. And - forgive me - you made a reference to alcoholism and I just wanted to say that AA is there is for you too if you need some support there. Take care, I hope things will get better for you soon.

Kitty31

Hey,
I'm so sorry you're having major problems and although I cant offer advise about your money issues I didn't want to read and run. There are organisations who you can speak to if your feeling like like you can't go on. Breathing spaces and as the post says above the Samaritans who both have 24 hour helplines. Life can be overwhelming at times but the fact you have posted on here is a really positive step, although we're all strangers it doesn't mean we won't listen and try and help. It may be beneficial for you to visit your GP (I know that might seem like a big step if you've not been out for days but they are best placed to get you the help you need). Hope your ok and please do have a look at the breathing spaces website
Kitty x

determined_new_ms

ok just started reading your other thread and have the following suggestion - there is a chance you can get the HB overpayment reversed if you write & appeal the decision, you will need to put in the reasons why you didn't inform them - depression anxiety alcoholism - and here's the key part you have to put in there that "anyone would have behaved the way you did in those given circumstnaces" - i.e cralwed under the duvet and hid from the world. I managed to get someone's HB claim backed 3 months after the cut off date by doing such a letter. hths

also (i work for a HA that's why I keep speaking about it!) they won't evict you if are trying to clear the debts, stay in touch with your HO they will be able to help and will realise that yo're having troubles, and may be able to offer some support around sorting out the right benefits. They won't judge you, don't even worry about that that's the depression x

Squirrel29

I second determined. That gripped with panic and fear feeling stops us seeing things clearly. Ring CCCS and get advice. Like Martin says, he's never seen a debt problem that can't be sorted out. Try to get a good nights sleep (I know it's hard), nothing can change tonight. We will be here to support you x

snookey

Hi first of all there is always a way forward. Lots of organisations can help its finding the one that suits you.
Type in turn2us for a list of charities that may be able to help. Many will give grants and other help.
Think about places that you have worked as lots of big companies will have funds to help ex employees. Ex service people can get help from ssaffa who will send out a case worker to help you apply to the likes of the army,navy ect.
Never give up as there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Puzzcat

stay with us SIM some of the experts will be along shortly. My thoughts are with you and as others have previously said.. its only money. stay strong. xxx

daveski

Stick with it SIM. Life has a canny knack of throwing you a good hand when things seem really rubbish. Just read some of the other replies to your post. I know it is difficult but there are people out there who do actually give a damn.