Crush

jonty1970

Is the atmosphere in the house happy and relaxed or is there an underlying tension when he is aorund?
It is mainly happy and most of the time when he's around it's still happy but if he's got it on him and he walks in the door with a face on him it brings us all down.

What would happen if you tried to cheer him up? Like jump on him and give him a big kiss and tell him you missed him!

I'm like that with mine. I'm trying to see what might make him feel more secure, as there is something he isn't happy about. And that's why he is moaning.

Do you think he is jealous of you?

I hope you can work things out x

Crushed

He'd probably tell me to get off him and then be all over me 10 mins later if i tried that. I am trying to be nice and making sure i'm all happy and welcoming when he comes in but then i wonder why i bother.

jonty1970

At least if it doesn't work out, you know you have tried.

Do you have a temper? I do and sometimes you have to use it.
My kids have sometimes wound me up something rotten and the only thing that works, is for me to lose my rag and tell everyone what I think of them. I tell them they can whistle if they want their tea. Do that a few times and they know not to push you too far. (my kids are grumpy teens by the way, I'm not shouting at little ones)

But we are all different. Try to work things out and then tell him it's his last chance if things don't change.

I'd tell him to get your replacement on speed dial for when you chuck him out

Crushed

I do have a temper and have been known to use it but as soon as i start losing my rag and shouting he tells me i'm mentally ill. I think i'm going to have to sit him down for a proper chat and get it all out hopefully without arguing and ranting.

Redman30

Crushed wrote: »

He'd probably tell me to get off him and then be all over me 10 mins later if i tried that. I am trying to be nice and making sure i'm all happy and welcoming when he comes in but then i wonder why i bother.

So don't bother & see what happens. Just ignore the fact he's come home, don't pander to him, don't go out of your way to be nice & don't react pleasantly when he has a pop.
I don't mean be nasty, just be neutral, try & stay calm & aloof & see how he reacts.

He's in a pretty destructive behaviour pattern right now, and he's blaming you. See what happens when you change the stimulus.

jonty1970

That is below the belt, saying that to you. My first husband did that to me. It was him that was in the wrong, not me, but he made me feel like I was paranoid.

Once you make your mind up what to do, stick with it and don't go back.

Do you have supportive people around you? You need to tell people that you need help and what is going on, if you decide to go it alone.

When I split with him, my own grandmother told me off for leaving him! She said I was cruel and should feel sorry for him. How could I leave him alone! She didn't know the half of what was going on, but I had no self esteem and went home and cried myself to sleep instead of giving the old biddy a mouthful.

Good Luck, You'll do the right thing!

Crushed

I was like that last night after he'd come in and moaned about tea, i wasn't ignoring him just only answering when he spoke to me. This led to an argument because i had a face on me apparently and then when i tried to tell him how i felt he told me to shut up or he'd walk out. I should have carried on maybe he wouldn't have come back.

gjs6385

Thanks again guys. My Partner can be really horrible but he can also be sweet and supportive when he wants to be.

The key thing here is "when he wants to be".

The problem is that this seems to be the theme of your whole relationship - everything on his terms and always his way, he can say and do as he likes without any repercussions - I would imagine he's an only child and always been able to do as he wants and got everything he asked for without question....

If he's so important and loves the sound of his own voice he should do it on his own, in his own place, where he can have his pick of the "queue of women" that can "replace you within 3 days"!!

Nobody should be made to feel anything less than what they are, especially in the one place you should be able to be comfortable and feel relaxed - at home.

I would say you know what you need to do, I mean who knows where it's going...I hate to say it but potential domestic violence/abuse.....

Crushed

I know what you're saying and i wouldn't stay if it turned into that. It has got close and i told him if he didn't get help i would leave and he went to the Drs and got some antidepressants. Since then it's never been anything close to physical.

jonty1970

When he says he will leave, tell him to go and don't come back!

I got rid of my second husband like that. When he came back 2 WEEKS LATER, I told him he was not coming back and that I was finished with him! It's hard starting on your own, but so worth it to have them out of the house.

Do you go out alone and does he mind the kids?

Go out and leave him to it if he wants to stew, but if things start going worse, it might be time to split up