Crush

BitterAndTwisted

Well, it seems to me that the idea of this charming fellow at work might be a fantasy escape-route to get out of what sound like a rather unfavourable relationship. Regardless of what happens at this end-of-project drinkies I think you should give serious thought to doing something about your relationship with this moaning and willfully disinterested bloke. He sounds horrible

trudij

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Well, it seems to me that the idea of this charming fellow at work might be a fantasy escape-route to get out of what sound like a rather unfavourable relationship. Regardless of what happens at this end-of-project drinkies I think you should give serious thought to doing something about your relationship with this moaning and willfully disinterested bloke. He sounds horrible

have to say, I agree with this - what a muddle you must be in.

huge hug - but honestly,IMO you need to start with the relationship you are in (which to me doesnt sound like much of a partnership) - maybe keep in touch with this other guy and see what happens after the work has finished??

xxx

Crushed

Thanks again guys. My Partner can be really horrible but he can also be sweet and supportive when he wants to be. Most of the time i think that i can put up with his horribleness for my Children's sake and just get on with it. I've no doubt though that if we didn't have children i would have walked long ago. I'm trying so hard to keep a lid on my feelings and maybe the other man is a fantasy man and he may not live up to my expectations i don't know.

Lotus-eater

Of course he wouldn't live up to your expectations, they never do. Expectations and fantasy are just that.

You expect they will have a perfect body/mind under those clothes and it turns out that what is on the surface isn't the same as underneath.
Trust me, I've been there, you think it is truly greener on the other side, but it actually isnt.

If and I mean IF, your relationship isn't right, deal with that first, then start thinking about other men, not the other way round.

Crushed

I'm trying my hardest not to think about the other man but it's not working. I don't want to go out for a drink with them because i'm scared that i'll blurt it all out after a few drinks.

Lotus-eater

Think about him all you want, think about him while you're bonking your hubby if it does it for you.

But doing something is completely different. How would you feel if your OH found you were having an affair, how would he act, what would happen to your life?

Sounds to me like you need to concentrate on you and your kids lives first. You should know it as well.

GoToGal

Now, I don't have children but I did grow up in a family where my parents stayed together "for the children". We would have been much happier if she had left. Growing up in the frosty atmosphere, the arguments that suddenly stopped when you walked in a room, the tears, it wasn't worth it for anyone.

Your crush sounds to me like your subconscious giving you a prod to take a look at your current relationship and work out if you deserve better than content.

Oh and congratulations on your promotion!

Crushed

Thanks, my partner and I do get on most of the time so it's not constant arguing, although that's what it's felt like lately and i agree it's not good for the children.

I feel i do deserve to be treated better than my partner does but not at the expense to my children. He knows how i feel about that so it's almost like he thinks he can do and say what he likes and i'll never leave.

He told me the other day that if i wanted to leave him he'd have me replaced within 3 days so not to worry. I'm sure he can sense a change in me almost although i've not said anything.

pupsicola

I find your partners behaviour confusing. Why would he not be thrilled for you that you have been promoted? Surely this will benefit all of you. Is he maybe jealous and feeling a bit insecure? My ex didnt like it one bit when my career took off.

Taking the other bloke out of the equation for a mo I think you have to give serious thought to your current relationship. Id be very saddened if someone spoke to me the way your partner did when you tried to tell him he had upset you. Its no way to treat or be treated by someone. The kids will be picking up on this too.

How much do your really know about this colleague. Some people keep their cards very close to their chest. For all you know he may be happilly involved with someone, have kids or be completely the other way. Id definately find out more before revealing any feelings if that is the way you decide to go.

pupsicola

Crushed wrote: »

He told me the other day that if i wanted to leave him he'd have me replaced within 3 days so not to worry

:eek:Charming!:eek:

Did you stand up for yourself and make him think how out of order that comment is. By staying quiet he would think you are seeing it that way too.

Maybe he could find another woman so quick. Whether she would stomach him and put up with his ways for more than a few hours is a tad unlikely though.