18 mth old crying in night neighbours complaining??

chatnoir

We where once the neighbours of a screaming child, and it wasn't nice! But I would never dream of banging on the wall or even going to knock on the door to complain! Babies cry thats what they do! banging on the wall is only going to make the situation worse!
On the other side you are much calmer then me, if my neighbours banged on the wall I would be straight round there telling them where to go!

Mojisola

I'm surprised that there is so little sympathy for the neighbours! Having a baby crying for hours night after night would have driven me demented! They don't know your circumstances - they don't know that you're loving parents trying something that the HV suggested. They might be thinking what awful, uncaring people you must be to leave a baby crying for all that time! They might be worried about approaching you because they don't know how you will react.

Don't get too fixed on the stereotype of students - my son has health problems and is struggling to do a science degree. If he was your neighbour, the constant disruption to his sleep would have caused him to fail in his studies.

elff

I wish we had understanding neighbours.. how letting your teenage daughter have 'wii partys' with ALL of her mates jumping around the room when you know there is 3 children attempting to sleep beneath them 3 or 4 nights an week up untill midnite is the same as my toddlars waking up /in pain / frighterned etc at night is beyond me..

I am sure if she didnt react by banging / shouting they would go back to sleep alot sooner. If we could move we would i hate it here
(council placed us he and paid the bond..) council housing have suguested around 9yr+wait and we cant afford private rental as i cant go to work as nursery is too expensive woth the twins.

So were stuck in a teeny 2 bed flat with !!!!! neighbours

puddy

just some other suggestions for relaxing baby now that she is out of routine. baby massage with oils (be careful to use baby amounts, get advice from tinterweb if unsure). i have worked with a lot of mums who contrary to advice try to minimise day time naps, (not at 18 months but quite soon after) so that the child is tired at bedtime and sleeps through, but i would say what others have said, you are not a new mum, although each child is different, so you have lots of experience about what works in your house.

i too feel sorry for the neighbours and would write a letter explaining what happened with apologies

mich13x

I know i will be shot down for this but it is my opinion that if need/want to guarantee a peaceful nights sleep everynight then you simply have to buy a detached property. If you can't then you must make do and make the best of your situation thus i have absolutely no sympathy for the neighbours, possibly if they had acted with any sort of decency i would have but they did not.
Clearly mum and dad do not want their child crying all night either and will be doing the best they can so banging on the walls certainly helps no-one.
If you do go round to speak to the them op take them round a good pair of ear plugs

In regards to lo's sleeping, if the 10pm bedtime works for her then i would suggest continuing with that as in any case i dont believe in the controlled crying techniques, as soon as any of my two cry for me im there, for me its a trust thing and i want them both to know i am always there. Incidentally both of mine sleep well from 7pm to 7/8am although i know the way i do things is not for everyone. Only you know your DD well enough to decide hows best to deal with this not your HV. Good luck and i hope you get her in a better routine.

yummymummy1987_2

Hi op, havent read through all the posts but i think you have the right idea with the letter and big hugs to you for feeling emotionally at the moment.

We have also been on both sides, my son was hosptalised with chicken pox and for a week he cried ALL night he couldnt even be touched. My poor neighbours!!!

Now we have a 18 month old who is put to bed really late above us and crys/screams for over a hr when we get into bed. I know her mum and would never ever dream of banging or even mentioning it as we know babies cry. But i must admit i do lay there listening to her waiting for her to go off just like i would with my own. However i actually find it easier when its my own as im in control of the situation iykswim? I know how upset they are getting/why/what im going about it/how long im leaving them etc.

take care, it wont last forever different strokes for diff folk. She may well be a late sleeper

miamoo

I think that its worse being the neighbour and listening to the crying, because you have no controll over it.

You can get up to comfort the child when you cant bare to listen to it anymore, but what can they do? Nothing. so thats probably why they banged on the wall, after months of crying through the night you would have to be a saint not to!

It pretty obvious the solution is go back to your old routine, that works, you may not get alot of time to yourself at the moment, but as they get older you will. Hope it gets sorted x

Mojisola

mich13x wrote: »

I know i will be shot down for this but it is my opinion that if need/want to guarantee a peaceful nights sleep everynight then you simply have to buy a detached property. If you can't then you must make do and make the best of your situation thus i have absolutely no sympathy for the neighbours, possibly if they had acted with any sort of decency i would have but they did not.
Clearly mum and dad do not want their child crying all night either and will be doing the best they can so banging on the walls certainly helps no-one.

This is obviously true in this case but will not always be the case. Not all parents are good people. Some babies cry for hours because they are being deliberately neglected. Some babies cry for hours because their parents are out of their heads on alcohol or drugs.

I would be wary of going round and talking to a family who may be neglecting their child in case they turned on me.

If one of the neighbours had posted on here explaining the situation, there would have been several replies to report the case to Social Services in case the child was being ill-treated.

The OP should really explain to the neighbours - and should have done the first time they got so frustrated that they banged on the wall.

For the OP - what you were doing worked for your baby. Trust your instincts and do what suits you and your baby.

celyn90

I feel for both you and your neighbours. I used to live next door to someone with noisy kids, who constantly disrupted my sleep. I never would have dreamt of banging on the wall though as I know it's hard for the parents. Some days it would leave me like a waking zombie. As a neighbour, it's totally out of your control, so I see why they get frustrated.

What I did in the end was to put bookcases up against the party wall and line the back of the bookcases with soundproofing marerial (esntially eggboxes and carpet underlay). The buffer helped deaden the sound a little bit - not completely, but it certainly helped a little bit.

Is there anything practical that you could do with the room that would help to killl the sound a little bit. Could you move her into a different room?

red_devil

hngrymummy wrote: »

That's why I think the neighbours should have the common decency to pop round during the day and speak to them politely rather than go off on one and start banging on the wall and shouting in the middle of the night. I've had neighbours banging on the ceiling and shouting at the noise of my washing machine. I had no idea they could hear it. All they had to do was come and speak to me and I would've tried to make sure that I put it on during the day when they were at work. Easy peasy and no hard feelings created, rather than getting angry about something I knew nothing about at the time.

actually i disagree people dont like being told anything full stop. They are never in the wrong. I had a word with my neighbour and they didnt like it things were never the same again. Not that i care but just saying its tricky with neighbours however you approach it.