18 mth old crying in night neighbours complaining??

Lil_Me_2

I'd go back to a 10pm putting down and gradually bring it forward by 5/10 mins each night so it's not so much of a change in one go.

asquiths_2

Thank you all for your support

I was reluctant to change her sleeping pattern at the start but the hv made it sound a doddle so i gave it a go!!! Wish i hadn't bothered!

I'm quite an out spoken person and will usually go and deal with a situation face on but at this moment i think if i go round to the neighbours and they get funny with me i'll just burst into tears!

I was thinking of writing a letter to them apologising and explaining the situation a little to them? That way they will know whats going on and won't have had me either balling my eyes out or tearing theirs out at the door!?

I think i'm just gunna go back to my way and hope she settles into that again soon.

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that the controled crying routine stopped working when i had to stay in hospital with the baby as he had meningitis at the beginning of december. This obviously put the whole routine out for a couple of weeks as we had grandparents watching the other children in the evening while we were at the hospital.

If they continue to bang after i've sent the letter then i don't know what i'll do?? They are students and have hd the occasional late night party but to be fair to them we haven't had anything thats been too much of a problem from them.

What do u think?

Asquiths

amersall

I agree with other posters, go back to your original routine that worked,if i had the choice of a good nights sleep (and you need it with all your children to look after) or spending "time" with my hubby, then the good nights sleep wins hands down. You have one child that wakes in the night, and do not need the stress of another one doing the same, do what works for you. xx

Money_maker

I'd go along with a very apologetic letter as well ensuring they know they can call round if they want to talk. Take a photocopy for your records. If they continue to bang then tough. Maybe they will understand when they are older and start a family. Is it possible to have baby in a bedroom not near the adjoining wall?

slipthru

I echo what everyone else says about talking to the neighbours there actions can't be helping the situation.

What about moving your daughter into a room furthur away from the neighbours for a while until she starts to settle a bit more? It might stop them banging on the walls if they can't hear her as loudly.

My daughters 20 months and doesn't sleep well, she generally always wakes a couple of times a night, with the ocassional decent nights sleep.

I would go back to the putting your daughter down at 10 as that is what worked well for you all. Does she nap during the day and what time does she wake up?

WestonDave

Have a word with the neighbours along the lines of "Sorry about the noise - we're working on getting her more settled and hope to have it resolved soon". Leave it at that because from where you are at the moment there is no easy solution - going back to the old routine won't work now its been broken.

Its a shame the HV suggested a change but I guess you can see her point, in that if you can get it sorted then it gives more chance of normal life for you with potential benefits for your relationship and social life and mental wellbeing.

In terms of solutions, you will clearly know your child better than anyone on here, however some things spring to mind. Potentially if she is now going to bed at the later time and having disturbed sleep then she may be more tired than she was before the changes. We found that our youngest tended to have more sleep disturbances, crying out, nightmares etc when he was tired on days he'd been at nursery (initially we thought it was something at nursery but it also happened at other unrelated times and eventually the over tired connection was spotted). On that basis you may benefit from starting earlier, partly to allow for a longer overall sleep time, and partly because when its resolved you will then have a sleep pattern closer to one which gives you more time in the evening.

Secondly from our experience she is of an age where seperation issues, nightmares and other things all seem to combine to put you back to days you thought had gone in terms of broken sleep - possibly making a change now wasn't such great timing but whats done is done and you did it on professional advice so don't beat yourself up about it. My point is really that if you hadn't changed anything she may well have been a bit more disturbed, and whatever you do now she'll probably grow out of it in time (but you don't really want to wait up to 18 months for that!).

So based on our experience I would try putting her to bed at a sensible time (you know her, so at a time where she can get as much sleep as she used to but allowing for some loss through disturbances). You'll then need to do all the usual stuff to settle her - maybe leaving her for a couple of minutes and building up - having a reason to leave the room is good as it avoids planting the thought that you are going - so "I'm just popping to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute" or folding some washing, checking on tea or whatever. Let her get used to the fact that you are still around but not with her. I would be inclined not to have a silent house - so have the radio on downstairs etc so that she can still hear that people are around - it might even be worth leaving it on (progressively quieter as she gets used to it) overnight. That way if she wakes up its not to total dark and total silence where its easy to feel everyone has disappeared.

If she wakes in the night, similar routines but as a last resort I found lying on the floor next to the cot worked and is definitely better than taking her into your bed. I found our two used to snuffle for a bit but seemed to feel that if I was lying on the floor, I was likely to be hanging around as opposed to standing up looking like you are ready to do a runner. With our youngest two evenings of that seemed to make a pretty quick cure but I can't promise it will work for you. With our second (he was a bit older - 2.5) when he woke in the night I found letting him get it out of his system with a good screaming (often he was still half asleep and so trying to calm him whilst he was confused was pretty pointless) and then as he calmed down, I'd leave it a while until he was looking settled, and then ask if I could go back to my bed ("I'm getting cold and tired - are you OK if I go back to my bed?") seemed to work better in terms of him sleeping the rest of the night than waiting till he dropped off and then sneaking out.

Unfortunately there are no right answers and I'm just sharing what worked for me - to a degree its just a stage they seem to go through. Don't know if any of that is helpful but maybe at least it gives the basis for thinking about her and how she reacts, so you can come up with your own solutions. Incidentally although our youngest is more of mummys boy, when he's in a over tired state, I seem to be able to calm him faster than my OH - which neither of us understands, and I'd rather not perpetuate but its just the way he reacts so maybe have a try with the other one of you to see if that works better.

hngrymummy

Nicki wrote: »

See, I think it is OP's responsibility to approach the neighbour not the other way round as she knows that her child is disturbing them, and the noise disturbance is for longer than a 2 hour wash cycle on a washing machine and is happening every night.

Depends if the OP knew it was a problem before the neighbours started getting funny and banging on the walls. In our current house sound doesn't travel well at all, so I wouldn't know if our child was disturbing the neighbour unless they told me about it.

Plus they're students. Since when did they ever get up in the mornings

OP, if you think you'll get too emotional, a letter is a good way forward to try and smooth things over. I would suggest telling them that you are doing your best to work through this difficult time with your child and politely asking them not to bang on the walls as it will likely disturb your child and unwittingly prolong everyones lack of sleep.

I hope for your sanity that you manage to get it sorted.

asquiths_2

She will occasionally have an hrs nap during the day at 12 ish but if she doesn't sleep at that time she falls asleep on the school run at 3-4 which is a nightmare but i've tried everything to keep her awake and nothing works!! even my horrific singing!!

WestonDave

Interested to note the problems seemed to be sorted and then revisited around the time you were absent due to the meningitis - maybe a hint of her feeling that you weren't around, a bit of lack of attention etc - so maybe a little time building back her confidence that you are hanging around in the evenings etc might be worth the effort to help overcome her possible perception that you disappear once the lights go off.

colli

Can't help with helping your LO to sleep but I just wanted to offer support re the neighbour issue. We lived in a flat where the downstairs neighbour had a child of i guess 2/3 who cried almost CONSTANTLY, day and night. We never said anything as we figured however annoying it was for us it was worse for them and I was sure they were doing all they could. I'd write a letter explaining and hopefuly they will be more sympathetic. Disturbance can be less frustrating if you know more of the reason behind it. hopefuly your LO will settle down soon and I'm guessing the student will move out at the end of the academic year anyway.