18 mth old crying in night neighbours complaining??

asquiths_2

Hello everyone,

I am at my witts end! I'll give u a brief summary of the situation....

We are a family of 7 mum,dad +5 children aged 9,8,5,18mths+5mths
my middle child is 5 and profoundly deaf.

Anyway my 5 year old has always suffered from night terrors due to the fact of being deaf so we are used to getting up 2 or 3 times during the night with her. She cries out for 5 mins or so then we are able to settle her.
My 18mth old has been an irregular sleeper since birth but we found if we put her to bed later she would sleep longer so thats what we did. she would be put to bed at about 10 then would sleep through to 6ish which was fine for us, however when we saw the health visitor last she said we should try and get her to bed earlier to give us some time alone together on an evening. She told us to try the controlled crying technique and take her to bed no later than 8.

Sooo we decided to give it a go wow it took 2 nights of an 2 hrs crying but then she seemed to settle into the new routine. This lasted for a couple of weeks and then she just wouldn't settle!!

We have tried all sorts, persisting with the routine... when taking her to bed she cries/screams for a good 2 hrs but gets into such a state that keeps waking every couple of hrs crying/screaming again and that lasts for a 1-2hrs each time!

Taking her to bed at the later time... She seems to get past tired now and ends up crying/screaming, falls to sleep a little bit quicker but wakes up as above every 2-3hrs screaming!

We've tried ignoring her, going and laying her back down, allowing her to have a drink of milk and of course that old deadly sin of putting her into bed with us!!!

This has now been going on for a couple of months!! We are both dead on our feet!

The thing is the neighbours behind us have begun banging on the walls and shouting "shut up" when she screams during the night! I feel really bad about it disturbing them but I just don't know what i can do??

Any advice will be greatly appreciated

Thanks
The tired Asquiths

hngrymummy

How on earth do your neighbours suppose that banging on the wall and shouting is going to help settle a baby? If anything it'll disturb her even more.

Your neighbours should have a bit of common sense and come and speak to you duing the day and gently ask how long you think it might be going on for. Then you can try and come to some kind of comrpomise, eg if they have a perticularly early start one day.

I'm afraid that I can't help much with the sleeping issue as our first is yest to arrive, I'm just annoyed with your insensitive neighbours.

We're reading 'The baby whisperer' by Tracy Hogg. It seems to have some good ideas, but we obviously we haven't had chance to put it in to practice yet.

Rainmaker_uk

hngrymummy wrote: »

I'm afraid that I can't help much with the sleeping issue as our first is yest to arrive, I'm just annoyed with your insensitive neighbours.
QUOTE]

They probably think they have a right to a nights sleep - what with work in the morning and all that.

If your neighbours can hear your baby then common decency would suggest that you pop over and apologise and explain that you are trying to get them into a routine. If they then keep banging then they are out of order - but at the moment I think the ball is in you court.

pupsicola

You sound a very sensible and considerate person. I agree with the poster above in that your neighbours banging on the wall and screaming like that is not going to help settle your lo. If anything it would scare the other children and give them nighmares.

As you know sleep deprivation is horrendous. Bad enough if it is your own children causing it. Awful if it is a neighbours. So I can see how they may not be being as thoughtfull about their actions as they normally might. However it is part of life and isn't being done to the neighbours on purpose. It also wont go on forever.

Have you tried using a dummy? Also letting my eldest sleep with something that had my perfume on it helped him to settle (silly but anything worth a try). Which position does your baby sleep in. My youngest wouldn't settle and the controlled crying that had worked within a few days with my eldest was a no go with the other one. Then we noticed one night that he had flipped onto his front and self settled in no time. We were a bit worried as everyone bleats on about how this isn't a good idea. No way were we going to risk waking him by turning him over though. So from then on he was put to bed on his front or side and we had no more problems.

I wish you well with whatever you try next and have a hug ((())) from me. Its stressfull enough coping with all you have to without neighbours adding to your stress.

irenee

asquiths wrote: »

....... however when we saw the health visitor last she said we should try and get her to bed earlier to give us some time alone together on an evening. She told us to try the controlled crying technique and take her to bed no later than 8. ...........

You had a system that worked for you and the child so everyone got a reasonable night's sleep - even although it was not the 'conventional' routine

Health visitors don't know everything and can only suggest alternatives - did you complain about not having time to yourselves?

In your place I would go back to the routine that suited the child - after all she is only 18mths old and her sleep timings will change as she develops and grows older

Your neighbours could be a little more sensitive, but to be fair a couple of months is a LONG time to be constantly woken throughout every night

All children are different - I'm on the third generation - not one baby/child has had the same sleeping routine - but fortunately all have grown into adulthood within the range of normal sleep patterns (well the new 2mth old babe has yet to get there)

Orrin

Have you tried speaking to your GP? I know someone whose 1 year old had a lot of trouble sleeping and they were referred to some kind of specialist therapist and that worked for them.

As to your neighbours, I don't know what they think banging on the wall is going to achieve. I can sympathise if they are getting disturbed, but it's not like you're playing music loudly and can just turn it down!

pinkclouds

asquiths wrote: »

My 18mth old has been an irregular sleeper since birth but we found if we put her to bed later she would sleep longer so thats what we did. she would be put to bed at about 10 then would sleep through to 6ish which was fine for us, however when we saw the health visitor last she said we should try and get her to bed earlier to give us some time alone together on an evening.

My advice is: ignore the HV and resume the routine that worked - for your toddler's sake, if no one else.

As you have 5 kids, I would infer that you have plenty of personal experience to call upon and also that you are clearly able to have some "time alone together". Your HV isn't some magical Mary Poppins who knows better than you how to care for your own kids. Tbh, I don't have much sympathy for your neighbours but I have lots for your little one.

hngrymummy

Rainmaker_uk wrote: »

They probably think they have a right to a nights sleep - what with work in the morning and all that.

If your neighbours can hear your baby then common decency would suggest that you pop over and apologise and explain that you are trying to get them into a routine. If they then keep banging then they are out of order - but at the moment I think the ball is in you court.

That's why I think the neighbours should have the common decency to pop round during the day and speak to them politely rather than go off on one and start banging on the wall and shouting in the middle of the night. I've had neighbours banging on the ceiling and shouting at the noise of my washing machine. I had no idea they could hear it. All they had to do was come and speak to me and I would've tried to make sure that I put it on during the day when they were at work. Easy peasy and no hard feelings created, rather than getting angry about something I knew nothing about at the time.

Nicki

I have 3 children of my own so know how hard it is to stop them crying, and how rotten it feels to have disturbed nights. That being said I have nothing but the deepest sympathy for your poor neighbours, who are it seems being subjected to prolonged noise disturbance from 8pm every evening throughout the whole of the night, for months on end. I'm not surprised they have reached the end of their tether and are behaving badly.

To deal with the neighbours first, I would suggest that you go to see them and explain the situation and apologise profusely for the impact it is having on them. That may at least stop them banging on the walls at night, though they are likely still to be unhappy with you until the situation can be resolved.

I don't think there's going to be an easy fix with the sleep problems unfortunately. You might want to think about gradually putting back the time she goes to bed, and staying in the room with her until she drops off to sleep, and responding immediately she cries so she doesn't end up getting in a state which takes ages to calm her down from. If her understanding is good, maybe a star chart with rewards for nights where she hasn't made a fuss but she might still be too young for this to work. Maybe speaking again to the HV and seeing if she has any other ideas. As she caused the problem at least she might help sort it out!

LMCD

maybe doing the routine you had before worked but I can see the point of bring the time for bed earlier - maybe you could try it with 15mins off every other day as you progress - but what is the day routine? do you get child up at certain time? do they nap for hours during day? whats the bath and bedtime , story routine?! knowing this or having the same thing everynight might help sort out bedtime for you to have time to yourself but with a big family and people still up I can only imagine your child is not wanting to miss out on anything :rotfl:

Nicki

hngrymummy wrote: »

That's why I think the neighbours should have the common decency to pop round during the day and speak to them politely rather than go off on one and start banging on the wall and shouting in the middle of the night. I've had neighbours banging on the ceiling and shouting at the noise of my washing machine. I had no idea they could hear it. All they had to do was come and speak to me and I would've tried to make sure that I put it on during the day when they were at work. Easy peasy and no hard feelings created, rather than getting angry about something I knew nothing about at the time.

See, I think it is OP's responsibility to approach the neighbour not the other way round as she knows that her child is disturbing them, and the noise disturbance is for longer than a 2 hour wash cycle on a washing machine and is happening every night.