Am I mean

pamelamalcolm

You are definitely not being mean. LEAVE HIM please!

aliasojo

I realise I may just be acting like a huge big party pooper not jumping on the 'leave him' bandwagon' but do you think some serious talking about this might help change things first? It's easy to get into a rut and end up taking advantage of someone or start treating them a bit doormat-like, half the time the people involved don't necessarily set out to do this it just kinda evolves, especially if the other party just lets things pass and makes it easy for them to do so. It's hard being a perfect individual who is always considerate, conscientious and truely aware. Most of us try but a lot of us will fail at one time or another. Maybe he's just in a rut where he's not making the effort to see anything other than his feelings, especially if he's down.

Only you will know if he's a user or a decent enough guy who just needs his eyes opened to how things really are at the moment.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

rozmister

The_New_Caz wrote: »

No he doesn't get any benefits - he did for six months and then they stopped them. I am meeting a financial advisor type person next week in case there is something we can get [/QUOTE]

That sounds pretty odd, my understanding of JSA which is what he should be trying to get if he is looking for a job like you said is that as long as you provide evidence of job hunting at the centre they keep supporting you and if you are on JSA for a longer period they encourage you onto programmes to help you gain skills to get a job like New Deal. Maybe I'm wrong but I find it really concerning they stopped them and he hasn't found a way to claim again.

The_New_Caz wrote: »

Food has been a huge problem and has always caused the biggest argument - again felt i was being out of order! I was looking at amounts people spend on food last night and we were spending almost the amount of a family of four.

Tell him in the nicest way that when he pays he can eat whatever he wants but while you're footing the bill and paying your debts off it's frugal living. My boyfriend doesn't live with me but we have a deal on food (he pays for something else and I feed him) but he has what I've chosen to buy and if he started fussing I'd tell him to sort his own food out if he didn't like my choice. While you are paying it's your choice what you buy and he needs to learn to accept that

mirko

WestonDave wrote: »

Just a check - does he already have a season ticket, and which team does he support. If he doesn't and its one of the big ones like Arsenal or Man U, you have to pay just to join a waiting list to get a season ticket at present!

No, you don't.

A lot of clubs do sell season tickets for next season (August) in January, usually at slightly discounted rates.

The football club I support reserved your seat for next season up until March last year. I already have £400 budgeted to go out in March on my spreadsheet!

aliasojo

The_New_Caz wrote: »

Food has been a huge problem and has always caused the biggest argument - again felt i was being out of order! I was looking at amounts people spend on food last night and we were spending almost the amount of a family of four.

Small word of warning, don't be too hung up on what other people spend. We're all different with different needs/tastes/metabolisms/available shopping options etc etc....some people here spend so little I can only assume they have mounds of fat to live off as well.

Ok I'm exaggerating, but there's no way I could live off what is sometimes touted around here as a good average spend for x amount of people. Nor would I want to cut things so far to the bone. For me personally it would make for a very miserable existance if I was living caveman like with regards to food.

Just make sure you have a food budget and you dont waste either food or money. Cut out takeaways (if you have those) and don't have luxury food choices. Common sense in all things.

BitterAndTwisted

rozmister wrote: »

The_New_Caz wrote: »

No he doesn't get any benefits - he did for six months and then they stopped them. I am meeting a financial advisor type person next week in case there is something we can get [/QUOTE]

That sounds pretty odd, my understanding of JSA which is what he should be trying to get if he is looking for a job like you said is that as long as you provide evidence of job hunting at the centre they keep supporting you and if you are on JSA for a longer period they encourage you onto programmes to help you gain skills to get a job like New Deal. Maybe I'm wrong but I find it really concerning they stopped them and he hasn't found a way to claim again.

It sounds to me like the OP's partner initially claimed contributions-based JSA which everyone is entitled to if they've paid enough NIC for the previous two years. This lasts for six months only and then the job-seeker will have to apply for income-based JSA. When an application is made for income-based JSA, if they are living with a partner and they deem a partner's income is sufficient, they will not qualify for it.

These days, rightly or wrongly, it is considered appropriate that people living together as a couple should support each other in difficult times. Like this one. It's no criticism on the OP's partner that if he isn't bringing any benefits into the household that he's doing so willfully or can't be bothered to claim them.

Still, that's absolutely no excuse for sitting on one's @rse and expecting someone else to pay all the bills, put food on the table and provide luxuries when they can't be afforded. This idiot needs to find a job, any job, or he really is a bloodsucking loser.

jonty1970

Hello new caz!

No he doesn't get any benefits - he did for six months and then they stopped them.

it sounds like he missed a signing on day and they stopped his money, Or they offered him a work trial or course, where they have to go every day for a week, he didn't go and they stopped his money. I might be wrong though. My brother works at the job centre and he says some people kick off when they get told they have to attend these job finding coursed for a week, they don't turn up and they lose their dole.

Anyway, I think you need to dump him. He is sucking the life out of you! If he was ill or disabled, then of course you would stick by him. he seems just lazy and is using you.

You are worth so much more than that and deserve a decent working man, so you can both have a good life and a someone you trust and know will be a good man to have kids with.

This one hasn't grown up yet and knows he can get what he wants from you!

Bin him, change your number, change the locks and tell him where to go.

The_New_Caz

aliasojo wrote: »

I realise I may just be acting like a huge big party pooper not jumping on the 'leave him' bandwagon' but do you think some serious talking about this might help change things first? It's easy to get into a rut and end up taking advantage of someone or start treating them a bit doormat-like, half the time the people involved don't necessarily set out to do this it just kinda evolves, especially if the other party just lets things pass and makes it easy for them to do so. It's hard being a perfect individual who is always considerate, conscientious and truely aware. Most of us try but a lot of us will fail at one time or another. Maybe he's just in a rut where he's not making the effort to see anything other than his feelings, especially if he's down.

Only you will know if he's a user or a decent enough guy who just needs his eyes opened to how things really are at the moment.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I feel that deep down he is a decent guy - am really not happy about the gambling - thats twice its impacted on me now - but have been more assertive and voiced my concerns. Outcome is Sky now cancelled, no arguing about the food, one room almost decorated, no season ticket to be bought, and he has to borrow the money next month to cover the bills coming out of his bank account. (Just his mobile phone and car insurance). And like I said he has now been to docs.

pupsicola

You are not being mean.

It sounds to me like he is depressed and getting himself into a financial mess.

He needs to get some self respect back. Buying him a season ticket and clearing his debts isn't going to help him do that in the long term. Its not easy to find a job at the moment but you just keep going and trying.