Stay at home mums

laurenweird

I'm currently a "housewife" and full time mommy (my youngest is only 4 months old) and I would love it if my partner could find full time work.

As it is he is still searching, which means I don't enjoy what I am doing as I feel I should be out there working, but at the same time don't want to leave my baby whilst he is so young, but if partner can't find work soon I will have to look as well.

If my partner found a job that supported us well I'd love to be a full time mum and housewife. I hate the thought of leaving my children and I'm very proud of my home and looking after my partner (but whilst he can't look after us income wise, I'm not as inclined to look after him making food and keeping the house clean )

stiltwalker

I'm a SAHM to a 22 month old DD with bump due 01/05 and I wouldn't change it for the world. Yes we make huge sacrifices - my OH works at Mr T so not a huge wage and we live in the beautiful Yorkshire Dales and pay for the privilege! so I work hard to make ends meet and we will have no chance of holidays in the foreseeable, an oldish car and new clothes for me and OH are usually pressies from parents however we have National Trust membership and walk so have lots of lovely family days out so that makes up for the holidays. I am also doing an OU degree in Childhood and Youth Studies so that when the kids are at school I can look for work in the support side of education so will have child friendly working hours and holidays rather than hospitaliy which I was in before kids which is neither child friendly hours or hols being busiest in school holidays!

When I worked I loved my job and was very good at it but have to say I don't miss it one little bit and any sacrifices are worth it for the time I get to spend with my kids and the long term plan of better qualifications which will mean I can continue to spend more time with them even as they grow and get to school whilst bringing in a better wage than I ever could have on my previous job.

Everyone's choices are valid and what works for me may not work for someone else.

pupsicola

I decided very early on that I wouldn't have children till I could afford to be a stay at home mum.

Partly because I knew I couldn't drag myself into work and do a good job after a sleepless night looking after kids. Saw too many of my colleagues doing it and it put me right off. Also I wanted to bring my kids up myself and not send them to childminders etc. Nothing wrong with doing that, its just not for me.

I didn't view myself as being a kept woman when I did give up work for a few years. I had my own savings that I used month by month. Whilst my husbands income covered alot of the house hold expenses I contributed by running the home, raising our kids and doing the accounts for our business.

JoJoB

I'm a SAHM and it's only been possible because our outgoings are fairly low (small mortgage on tiny flat, no car etc). Jobs are scarce in our area so even if working wouldn't have been able to afford the childcare so what would be the point!
It does get a bit repetitive now and then but we have learned to fill our days with lots of activities!

Threebabes

wotnext wrote: »

There is an interesting article in the Daily Mail today about how high flying men are using their stay-at-home partner's as a status symbol.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1348449/Feminists-Would-arrange-husbands-sock-drawer.html

I just wondered if there were any SAHMs here and, if so, how do you find it? Do you find it difficult? Are you happy to be a homemaker? Does your partner earn enough to keep you comfortable or is it a real struggle to make ends meet?
d

Im a SAHM, with a 15, 10 & 7 yr old. I find it okay, Ive been at home with the kids 4 1/2 year now. I don't find it difficult at all. My husband earns a good wage, £50k+ we are comfortable but can't afford holidays abroad, well I suppose we could but we refuse to cut down on the day to day things and like to do with the kids all year round than save for a 2 week holiday. I feel at times Im happy enough to stay home but at the other times would like to go back to work part time. Dh sometimes has trips away with work, hes been away a night the last 3 weeks so evening work would not be very good. Also very busy at work at the minute and he said he might have to work the next 3 weekends. Ive not read the article yet but I don't think being a SAHM is anything to boast about.

pinkpig08

I'm currently a SAHM. I wish it were just sitting and watching tv - going for coffee etc but it's definitely not! It's only because DH is on a good wage that we are able to do it, and even then we have to watch our money.

We worked out that if I went back to my old job we would be sending DD (18mo) to a childminder for 5.5hrs per day 4 days per week - and I would be left with £10 per day after paying the childminder. In school holidays I would be earning £0 per day as it would cost the extra £10 to send DS aswell. So the average daily wage for me would be £7.50 for 5 hours work - £1.50 an hour. It's not worth it for me to send my children to be looked after by someone else just to earn £1.50 per hour.

JodyBPM

I'm a part-time worker, but feel more like a SAHM. I drop my children to school each day, and on the two days that I work they are picked up from school by one or other set of grandparents, who spend a couple of hours with them until we get home from work. I think being able to do the school runs and not having to use formal childcare makes me feel more like a SAHM than a working mum.

I had my children close together, and after DD I did go back f/t, but only for 8 wks because I was already pg with DS! I went back full time then because my employer offers a generous mat package of half pay, and of course half of full time pay is considerably more than half of part time pay, so it was worth sucking it up for a couple of months!

After I had DS, we then had a long discussion about what I should do. I'm very lucky that both sets of grandparents are retired, and happy to help with childcare for a day a week each. We could afford for me to be at home full time, but I have a career which I need to keep up to date, and I earn a good salary, so two days a week contributes considerably to the family pot. We mainly divert my earnings into overpaying the mortgage, savings and paying for treats so its not essential, but it definitely improves our life now, and helps us provide for the future. I did have concerns that if I took say 5 years out from the workplace that it would be hard to return to a similar level role without having to work my way up from the bottom again, or reskilling.

I can see why a SAHM could be seen as a status symbol, or restricted to those on benefits. Where I live in the SE, most people have mortgages that require two salaries to pay - unless you have one very high earner. Normal families, with one earner earning over the threshold for tax credits lose out a lot financially when a parent decides to stay at home, where as those below the TC threshold get generously topped up to compensate for the lost salary.

liney

laurenweird wrote: »

I'm currently a "housewife" and full time mommy (my youngest is only 4 months old) and I would love it if my partner could find full time work.

As it is he is still searching, which means I don't enjoy what I am doing as I feel I should be out there working, but at the same time don't want to leave my baby whilst he is so young, but if partner can't find work soon I will have to look as well.

If my partner found a job that supported us well I'd love to be a full time mum and housewife. I hate the thought of leaving my children and I'm very proud of my home and looking after my partner (but whilst he can't look after us income wise, I'm not as inclined to look after him making food and keeping the house clean )

Owch...

In the past if have earnt more then my husband, I have earnt less while part time with a small child and now i'm a full time student. Secretly I think my husband does enjoy being the breadwinner and housework does not come naturally to him.

Men are naturally competitive, and I can understand them viewing their earning power, and also their ability to provide for their family unaided, as making them superior to their counterparts and being part of the peeing highest up a wall, Alpha Male thing.

As long as it isn't forced upon a woman to stay home, then I don't see the problem, and certainly don't think it's an insult to feminism which was all about getting a choice.

Emmala

I have been a SAHM since our second child was born 6 years ago and I love it, it's definately the right thing FOR US. I was teaching 3 days a week, but had I carried on afterwards, childcare costs for the pair of them would have meant only £100 a month left and we felt it wasn't worth it. I now have 3 children, the youngest has just started pre-school. We manage as DH has a good job, but everyday is different for him and he's away alot, here or abroad. Once our youngest is at school I will think about going back part time, but at the moment there are no worries if anyone is ill, inset days, getting to beavers/rainbows etc, so logistically it's much better for me not working.

I did notice that a couple of the mums in the article have cleaners - oh how much easier life would be if I could have a cleaner and still be at home!!!! Anyone who thinks it's easier being a SAHM needs to try it with three young kids at home! (and a VERY untidy husband.....)

Childcare costs - I have a number of friends who work, but don't have to pay childcare because their mum/MIL has the children. Not an option for us, and I would resent holding down a stressful job in order to pay for my kids to spend their day with someone else. In fact, one reason I left teaching (secondary school) was that I'd got to the point where I felt I would be better putting my energy into raising my own children, than putting up with other people's!

Each to their own, I do think that every family has to decide what is right for them, though I'm sure there are lots of working mums who would like to be at home if it was finacially possible. Equally, there will be plenty of SAHMs who would like to be out there working for the company/stimulation.

BTW, I do organise my husband's sock drawer (it's very tidy), and it bugs the life out of me when he shoves ironed clothes away any old how, I think it's rather disrespectful - if I take the time to iron something, the least he can do is put it away without creasing it.....but that's a whole different thread....!

LJM

i am also currently a house wife as my girls are both at primary school now so i cant say sahm, can i lol. i have worked all my life and have recently been able to to have the opportunity to be able to be at home. i dont class it as a status symbol, i am just really happy that i am there to take and pick up my girls from school, i go on trips with them,volunteer in classes and help where ever possible. my hubby works full time and can do long hours so we both felt it was a good decision for the time being for us. he earns a good wage but not amazing, we live simply and are happy