Stay at home mums

lostinrates

onlyroz wrote: »

I disagree. If you're of average or above average intelligence then I maintain that you should be able to succeed in education and career regardless of your background.

I have a neurological condition, diagnosed when I was twenty three or four. My ''above average intelligence'', didn't stop me losing physical abilities AND skills...such as talking and writing. It was one of the factors, they think, in me regaining those skills (I originally joined MSEto practise communicating and language in a more stimulating way than was being offered) .However I have days,and there are times when I am tired, when what I write is nonsensical and appears illiterate.

I am perfectly capable of any number of jobs, and IMO much of the time have a more rounded an better appreciation of some things than I did when I had a scholarship to complete a PhD, but that still doesn't mean, being as kind as possible to myself and my ability, I could cope with a full on career in my fields ...or any demanding field. I have worked several jobs since that point and while I had pride that I had achieved something considered unlikely for someone in the position I was in a few years ago, it was NOT personally fulfilling or challenging....the challenge was getting through the day.

Even with intelligence and the support that should rightly exist to get people to a place we can all achieve degrees etc life still throws curve balls you cannot expect or prepare for.

Staying at home DOES not have to be a bout making jam and ironing. And it is this kind of statement ...jam making, sitting around etc that is so derogatory. Some SAH people surely do sit around, shirk work and are lazy, just as some people in paid employment are. Though I could fill each an everyday from dawn till dusk with cleaning and gardening if I wanted. My sah life DOES include this: I enjoy making jam! But it extends to so much more than I would feel ''safe'' including in paid employment for now, and because I can fit it in with me, my life and my household.



In actual fact within the last few months I started a microbusiness. And while its fun and marks something for me, its a little time I'm not using in more intellectual pursuit or for jam making.

andrealm

onlyroz wrote: »

More people are going to Uni because they are studying for subjects that did not used to be degree level - previously you might have done an apprenticeship, or something. The idea with making subjects like this degree level is to make sure that the training is more uniform and better regulated. This does not devalue degree courses.

Do you think that if you have 40% or more going to uni, they are all going to end up with graduate level jobs at the end of it? From an employer's pov, a degree was more highly regarded when less than 10 % had them, than today when so many people have degrees.

What exactly is wrong with apprenticeships and other types of vocational training anyway?

andrealm

I wonder what all those who think staying at home means you do nothing but cleaning, watching daytime TV or sewing (I wish I could sew, btw, but I have always been terrible at it) are planning to do in their retirement. I don't know why these sorts of things are always mentioned,or why it's assumed that someone will turn into some kind of manic cleaner just because they're not in paid work. Looking at the state of my house right now, I wish I had turned into one!

onlyroz

andrealm wrote: »

What exactly is wrong with apprenticeships and other types of vocational training anyway?

Nothing is "wrong" with them - but universities can offer a more consistent and better regulated training environment, which can still be combined with "on the job" training if necessary.

tooldle

Academic ability is not something that everyone has. Equality of educational opportunity is there. Ability to take it up however is governed by many things. Some people are more adept at seeing solutions rather than problems. That I'm afraid is the way of the world.
I agree that we now see numerous degree schemes which either didn't exist 10-15 years ago, or would have been HND's or HNC schemes. Universitys set up degree scheme for which they know there is demand from students.
I originally responded to this thread to put my point of view as a working parents, responding to comments that working parents were in some way responsible for the breakdown of society by being to selfish to stay at home and look after their kids, preferrring to be at work and not giving their kids the time they deserve.
I think what has come out in more recent posts is that lots of so called SAHM are also not giving their kids 100% of the their attention for their waking hours. Lots have part time jobs, volunteer, care for others etc. So in effect we are all the same, it is just the proportions of time spent that differ. Throw into the mix that we are all better at somethings than others, hence faster at some activities, slower at others, and I bet it pretty much comes out about the same. In addition, in my opinion it is not good for a child to have 100% of any parents time. Children need independent time as well, just like us adults. Exposure to other people, other view points etc is a good thing.

trixietoes

I think the essence is that people have a choice... and the choice is made within the family. It is not usually the woman deciding to stay at home with the kids and the man just going along with it. It is a choice made that is right for that particular family, at that particular time - after all we are all different with different needs, skills and desires. Despite some peoples strong beliefs there in no right or wrong choice.

When I was in my 20's I was adamant I wasn't going to stay at home when kids came along, but as the years have gone on I have changed my mind. I don't have kids yet. However, when we have children we intend for me to stay at home and look after them (£££ permitting). This is something I am looking forward to a lot. I can't think of anything more rewarding than hopefully having positive influence in bringing up a well rounded, compassionate, intelligent human being. Now this isn't something that only a SAHM's can do it is just a personal choice of ours. Plenty of working mums are brilliant mums and love their children equally as much as SAHM's.

Lots of kids who have had SAHM have grown up to be ambitious and successful....if they think their mother is someone to be looked down on because of choosing this then something has gone wrong somewhere. It is the values you instil into your child that really count.

must_try_harder_2

My mum stayed at home until we started school full time. I don't look down on my mum at all but from a very young age I felt incredibly guilty because I saw her going to work doing a job she absolutely hated just so she could be there to walk us to school and back. I would much rather have been walked to school by someone else and had to wait an hour or two for my mum to get home and have a mum who liked her job. She gave up a good, well paid career to stay at home with us and she has never said she made the wrong decision and she'd do exactly the same if she got the chance to make those choices again. Doesn't stop me feeling like she gave up too much for us.
Even worse was the fact that my dad sometiems did a lot of overtime to make up for the money that my mum wasn't earning, and then when she got a job wasn't earning very much. This meant I didn't see my dad half as much as I wanted and at the weekends we didn't get as much time to spend together as a family because he'd be working.
How I felt about my mum's decision has made me swear I'll go back to work if I have kids.

OrkneyStar

must_try_harder wrote: »

My mum stayed at home until we started school full time. I don't look down on my mum at all but from a very young age I felt incredibly guilty because I saw her going to work doing a job she absolutely hated just so she could be there to walk us to school and back. I would much rather have been walked to school by someone else and had to wait an hour or two for my mum to get home and have a mum who liked her job. She gave up a good, well paid career to stay at home with us and she has never said she made the wrong decision and she'd do exactly the same if she got the chance to make those choices again. Doesn't stop me feeling like she gave up too much for us.
Even worse was the fact that my dad sometiems did a lot of overtime to make up for the money that my mum wasn't earning, and then when she got a job wasn't earning very much. This meant I didn't see my dad half as much as I wanted and at the weekends we didn't get as much time to spend together as a family because he'd be working.
How I felt about my mum's decision has made me swear I'll go back to work if I have kids.

Why do YOU feel guilty ? She made the choices and she made the sacrifices she felt she needed to. I feel so proud of my mum who was happy to give up a lot for me and my sister. Also just because you feel a certain way does not mean your child(ren) would also feel that way. Maybe your mum felt more worth in herself than needing to be defined by a job outside the home, instead being fulfilled by doing her best (or what she thought was her best) for you ? Parents might not get it right but it does not mean they were not trying to!
Not being critical, just giving a more positive slant!