Stay at home mums

licky_face

You have to give credit to stay-at-home mums, it's hard to fit in running round after kids alongside all the moralising about parents who both work.

LJM

i find it a shame that some people feel that sahm sit around all day where did that come from ? i actually do not get a chance to sit down for most of the day until my girls come home from school.

Emmala

onlyroz wrote: »

Staying at home while your child is still a baby is fine - but I see little justification for an intelligent woman to stay at home when her kids reach school age.

To the people here who say they have degrees and then chose to become a stay-at-home-mum - I find that quite shocking that you would choose to do that when you could contribute so much more to society than ensuring your husband has freshly ironed shirts each morning. I agree with all the comments that say it's teaching your daughters a poor example.

Just felt compelled to say that I have a degree (I'm a teacher) but I am glad to have chosen to stay at home, and I hope to do so until my youngest is at junior school. Yes, I'm lucky that we can afford for me to do this, but until I went part time with number one child a few years ago, I had earned more than my husband and put more into the joint account. We have a partnership and part of our deal when we got married was 'for richer or poorer', and for now my being at home works for us and our children.

I might be a SAHM but while I run the home (yes, including ironing his shirts!) and raise threee kids, I am also a governor at one of the schools, on the PTA at the other and I am chair of the local Pre-school (and have turned the place around in partnership with the staff from being satisfactory to good with outstanding elements) So while I am not being paid to do so, I am responsible for raising the quality of pre-school provision for our local children, which I would say is just as much a contribution to society as if I was in paid employment.

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just agree that being a parent is hard enough as it is, without the constant need to compete over who has the toughest deal?

PS, I might have a degree, but it's not in IT so if my attempt to quote hasn't worked, I'm very sorry :rotfl:

OrkneyStar

onlyroz wrote: »

Oh my god, not in a million years. I'd hate to depend on a man and spend my life chained to the kitchen/hoover/ironing board. I've worked hard to develop my own career and I'm certainly not going to throw all that away to be a housewife.

I understand your view, and can see where you are coming from.
The thing is I had a career (qualifications, post-grad degree), changed career and was thinking about building up in that one, but when I had DS (at age nearly 32) suddenly it all changed! I was happy to give it all up as I felt my new 'job' was to look after him, especially in the early years. Some days I miss work (challenges, social aspect etc.) but in the whole I don't want to be back there.

PS Not picking on your post but it was the first one I saw which I agreed with, yet was able to provide a kind of opposite view at the same time!

Gingham_Ribbon

JodyBPM wrote: »

To be honest, I have real reservations about the message that SAHMs can pass on to their children. To their girl children especially, that they should have no aspirations, that their careers will be cut short as soon as they have a family.

**curlywurly** wrote: »

If my daughter saw me sitting at home all day while she was at school, what message is that sending?...That women should have no aspirations beyond the home?

onlyroz wrote: »

Staying at home while your child is still a baby is fine - but I see little justification for an intelligent woman to stay at home when her kids reach school age.

To the people here who say they have degrees and then chose to become a stay-at-home-mum - I find that quite shocking that you would choose to do that when you could contribute so much more to society than ensuring your husband has freshly ironed shirts each morning. I agree with all the comments that say it's teaching your daughters a poor example.

There's nothing to justify. Women faught hard to ensure that we have CHOICE.

There is nothing in the world that I wanted more than to be home with my children when they were little. I feel priviledged that we were able to do that, unlike so many working class women before me, and still, who had no choice but to clean and scrub and cook for other people while their babies were looked after by someone else.

For me it was about having a never to be repeated opportunity, far, far more empowering than my career was or my new career is now.

If it's a poor example to my children, I'm happy with that. I see it as a strong example of strong teamwork by loving parents who share the load.

Is it a bad example to the boys now their daddy is the main carer?

What a shame that other women can't see the benefit to families of CHOOSING what is right for them.

And if a parent decides to stay home when the children are at school, and they are happy with that choice, what could possibly be the problem with that? The housewives I know who do this lead extremely productive, happy, busy lives and their children are so well adjusted, confident and happy.

When someone chooses to be a housewife, so many opportunities open up. There are people around during the day and the area is a little safer. There are opportunities to help out at school, reading volunteers, going out on school trips, the PTA, runing brownies groups and much, much more.

Opening your eyes to the benefits of choice has to be preferable to the assumption that 'career' is all, especially when most women don't have the luxury of 'career'. They get on with mundane jobs, like most men, because they have to.

There is so much more to raising children than showing them that going out to work is a good thing - and when one parent is doing that already, why do they need both to do so if they're managing on one wage?

happy35

I had my DS when I was young returned to work part time as I felt like I was brain dead being at home he was looked after by his nanna OH worked full time. Since DS went to full time school I have gradually increased my hours until I am working nearly full time - I have done this over a 10 year period. I have a reasonable income and we have a good lifestyle we could manage without me working but I like my lifestyle

I now feel that if I had any more children not that I am planning any then I could cope mentally with being a SAHM, but don't know if this would be my choice as I enjoy my job and the use of my brain whereas I always felt that my days at home were physically tiring rather than mentally tiring.

I don't mean this to be disrespectful to a SAHM as I was brought up in this environment, I think it is what suits you as a parent as unless you are happy to a SAHM then it isn't best for your child

onlyroz

Opening your eyes to the benefits of choice has to be preferable to the assumption that 'career' is all, especially when most women don't have the luxury of 'career'. They get on with mundane jobs, like most men, because they have to.

A career is not a luxury. It’s the reward you get for obtaining a decent education and working hard. Anyone can do this regardless of their gender or background.

OrkneyStar

onlyroz wrote: »

A career is not a luxury. It’s the reward you get for obtaining a decent education and working hard. Anyone can do this regardless of their gender or background.

Much as I enjoyed a rewarding career, being DS's mum is much more rewarding imho.
I agree a career is not a luxury, working hard IS involved, as are qualifications etc., perhaps some people do have an easier path towards these things in life than others though.

poet123

onlyroz wrote: »

A career is not a luxury. It’s the reward you get for obtaining a decent education and working hard. Anyone can do this regardless of their gender or background.

Only if you want that reward, and only when you want that reward.

Surely we she should be celebrating that we can have a choice? I have a career now, but it is my third career. I was a civil servant, then a Sahm, now a lecturer, I chose them all and I enjoyed them all.

Gingham_Ribbon

onlyroz wrote: »

A career is not a luxury. It’s the reward you get for obtaining a decent education and working hard. Anyone can do this regardless of their gender or background.

That's naive. Not everyone has the ability to pursue further education as it requires a level of intellect that not everyone has.

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford further education.

Not everyone was able to succeed in school, to enable them to pursue further education. There are myriad reasons for this, including home background.

And not everyone WANTS a career. Some people choose family over career. Some people choose a job that pays the bills so they can spend time doing what they really enjoy out of work.

Career is ONE option among many and is only available to a limited number of people.