Stay at home mums

Gingham_Ribbon

onlyroz wrote: »

Oh my god, not in a million years. I'd hate to depend on a man and spend my life chained to the kitchen/hoover/ironing board. I've worked hard to develop my own career and I'm certainly not going to throw all that away to be a housewife.

Being a housewife isn't like that.

I was a housewife for 7 years and I loved it. My husband appreciated that my time was dedicated to our children and he pulled his weight when he got home from work. He did the washing, the washing up, bathing and putting the kids to bed - basically whatever needed to be done.

I too had taken time to build up my career and now our youngest is almost ready for school I'm working again and building up a new career that I LOVE.

As for being dependent on him - we're a team. We depend on each other, though are both perfectly capable of looking after ourselves. He earned the money and I made sure the children were happy, secure and learning while he was at work and when he got home we shared the load. Who actually earns the money is irrelevant when you share it.

Likewise, I earn most of the money now and he does most of the houswork and childcare. He doesn't feel 'dependent on me' or 'chained to the sink'. We've both got better things to do with our time than care about who earned which part of what we're spending.

The mail will print any old carp. Being able to share the load is surely the goal of most couples, one way or another. And neither of us wanted to live in a household where we both worked long hours, barely saw our tiny children and then had to rush around trying to get everything done in the evenings.

Money has been tight for a long time. Our attitude to that is 'So what?' It's harder some months than others. But we wouldn't change a thing. We get Time.

chaosweddings

im a stay at home mum but also work fulltime, i run my business from home so i can still do all the housework, washing and cook tea and be at home when my ds gets home from school, and not have to have childcare during the school holidays

i only have to go out in the evenings and some weekends when dh has days off. if i didnt work and was just a sahm i would go mad,

im up at 6am with ds and dh , i make their lunches, send them both off, put the dishwasher on and washing machine then walk the dogs, by the time ive come back and had a shower both machines have finished, i dry the clothes, put the dishes away and put tea in slowcooker or prepare to cook later, i hoover and dust and then im done and thats by 930am

with no kids at home in the daytime i have to have something to do so i get to do some work.
ds does his own room dusts/hoovers and changes bedding and dh puts the clothes away

galvanizersbaby

I'm usually not keen on these type of threads simply because they often degenerate in to a SAHM V working mum's brawl

Each doing they best they can for their children of course!

I'm a working mum at the moment to my 2 school age children - I worked P/T when they were younger and then switched to full time through necessity when their father and I divorced.

I have another child on the way so I am not sure when or if I will returning to work. My OH could support us on his wage no doubt but we have not made any firn decisions as yet.

I think sacrifices wise all parents make sacrifices to one extent or another whether working or staying at home.
We all have to make different choices from what is available to us and it is worth bearing in mind that one of these in whether to be a sahm or not for most people is obviously money.
For me I am grateful that I have a well paid enough job that it still pays for me to work if I need/want to (I know for a lot of parents the cost of childcare outweighs any money brought in from working)

We are all different - and the Daily Mail articles have a tendency to be based on carp!

shelleuk

Im a SAHM to 3 children aged 6, 2 and 9 months. If i were to go to work earning an average wage the childcare/nursery fees would be more than what i would be earning so going to work does not make financial sense. Luckily the other half earns around £40000 so a fairly decent wage (but by no means high flying), but if he didn't then i think i would feel a little guilty that im not contributing financially to the family. Sometimes i miss giving up my career has a nurse when i see my childless friends progressing up the career ladder. I did work up untill my eldest was 3 and looking back i missed out on taking him to playgroups etc. My mum looked after him, she heard him say his first word and helped him make his first steps i missed all of these special milestones. I doubt my OH thinks that me being a SAHM is some kind of status symbol for our situation its much more practical.

pinkshoes

I'm currently on maternity leave, and although I can afford to be a SAHM, I'm actually looking forward to going back to work (although only 3 days a week - otherwise it's very unfair on DS!)

Nursery costs are around £50 a day (including early drop off and late collection), so if we have a second, then I will have no choice but to be a SAHM, as although I earn a decent amount, 3 days nursery for 2 kids would be £300 a week, so about the same as my take home pay for 3 days work!!

smileitconfusespeople_2

What an interesting thread,
When I had DS no 1 (who's now 17) I went straight back to work part-time, I would take him with me to the Pre School drop him off and then on to work, My DH would then pick home after his work he used to work night shift , After work I would go Home and do the usual Mums chores
.Iwent full time when he was 4.
When I had DS no2 I went straight back to work full time after 6months and God was it very hard ( was also breast feeding and expressing ) Never again , It was the hardest thing I ever did, I would get us both up at 6.00am to start the Day 5 days aweek.He stayed in Nursery all day, as we didnt have family near by and because Hubby worked nights I went back to work part-time for a little while , but this didnt last long as we used all our savings and needed the money, but more to keep me out there in the work force as I was scared That when I did want to get back out there I could'nt( ie didnt have the skills or experiance about new things that are changing all the time)When I worked fulltime I found it so hard to do this juggling as all week I was Shattered and found that weekends were to the only time to do the world and its mother and also find time to relax..(whats that?!)

One day I woke up and thought and realised, that that I really didnt know D/S no 2 , I didnt know the first couple of milestones, I would hear it second hand, Hes 6 now and I am now a partime Mum again , My whole families lives have changed.( I have experienced it from both sides) and so Has the Money, We no longer have the 2.4 holidays a year and eat out and takeaways a trips to the cinemas once a fortnight,and friviolous spends at the weekends. I no longer walk into the supermarket and pick things up with out care we no longer change our Car every couple of years , etc.


Also why is ok to stay home at home when your children little but if you stay at home when the are a little older is frowned upon just beause I did it back to front I find people are not so forgiving, having said that, I wished I would have done it like this if I had the chance to do it again.
Even if it does leave me time to sit on here whilest I have that coffee( you know the one that you have reheated 7 times today);)

Oh must go School Run

creditcarddebt

Hi, I have my own business, and have been self employed since my DD was born, she is now 8. I used to work from home, and at times that was really hard, it would always be sat there waiting for me to do it, and I would feel guilty if I sat down to work while my daughter was home cos I thought I should be with her, and likewise when I was doing stuff with my daughter I felt guilty cos I thought I should be working! I put her into nursery when she was just over 2, so had childcare costs there, but that went down when she was eiligible for the free sessions when she went to playschool. I now have my own office, which is just 2 mins from where I live, and its still hard at times, especially January as thats my busiest time. I have not been able to spend much time with my daugther this month so far, I have been taking work home with me so I can work at night. Sometimes she asks why do I have to work all the time, which makes me feel bad, but I need to work. Apart from needing to work because of the money, the minute she started school, if I had not been working, it just would not of sat right with me. I need to contribute to the household income, I could'nt just sit at home, despite how much housework etc I would be doing it just would not feel right.

I find it hardwork, as now I will go get my daughter, then have to tidy up at home, sort the washing, make packed lunches for tomorrow and prepare dinner for tonight, get her into bed, and then hopefully by about 7 I will sit down tonight and then maybe work til 11 ish. Once January is out of the way things will not be so hectic, so the working at night will stop (hopefully!)

I am sometimes envious of SAHMs but I dont think that I could ever really go down that route.

teasleym

I'm a SAHM not on benefits or married to a high earner either. I went part time with DD1 (now 4), but unfortunately was made redundant when she was 1. Couldn't afford to keep on the child care whilst not working, and as there are not many part time jobs in my field we decided it was best to stay at home. Just had DD2 (now 10 weeks old) so can't really think about working at the moment.

I would love to be working still, I earnt a very good salary, but worked in a predominantly male environment, who weren't very supportive of me going part time and taking time off to be with my daughter when sick etc.

I wish I was working in some way, just so that I had my own income and wasn't dependant on asking my husband for money, we don't qualify for any benefits so he works all hours to provide for us. My new role is to use the MSE site to find bargains which help us reduce our costs!

I've been a working mum and a SAHM and I have different friends who are both. I don't think either is better than the other, but in the current climate, many mums are working just to survive, and others aren't because there aren't any part time jobs out there. I am fortunate as I can take my daughter to music classes, to play with her friends etc, but then we don't have the money for holidays and treats that many of my working mum friends have.

My husband is glad I'm at home as he thinks he has benefitted our daughter. He now works from home one day a week so he can see her more himself, but it would be nice to have more adult company for myself, some money to spend as I wish, and a chance to use my brain, so once my daughters are both at school I will be looking to return to work.

shellsuit

I'm a SAHM. I'd love to work again, but by the time we would pay for a childminder, it wouldn't be worth it.

I do look for jobs, mainly evenings and weekends so that we wouldn't need a childminder, but haven't found anything....yet!

RadoJo

Ha - so last week the Daily Mail wanted to speak to women who worked while their partners stayed at home, but this week it's women who stay at home that are being used as status symbols? Another example of non-story journalism making out that there's some kind of inherent problem with almost any lifestyle choice so long as they can find an angle which puts down one of the partners. Can we simply not accept that everyone's choices are for their own reasons and generalising about them is fairly pointless.